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The ninth floor. Nine armies, each led by rich and powerful aliens from across the galaxy. Each team has one objective: to capture and hold the castle at the very center of the battlefield. Strategy, alliances, pitched battles, and, of course, betrayal ... It all makes for great fun and even greater television. After all, none of these powerful aliens really die when they’re playing war. Except this time. This time, winner takes all. Those who fall, stay in the ground.

This is a collection of the ninth six short stories in the Caverns & Creatures series. It includes the following titles: Look Before You Leak, Bred Dwarf, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Alcoholic Gnome, Don't Get Too Athached, Fool's Gold, and Kiss My Cloaca.

Meet Zane Shields - A high-schooler with a fiery passion for combat, who turns even ordinary battles into epic showdowns! He dreams of glorious battles, but this mundane world cannot satisfy his passion for fighting. Unbeknownst to Zane, it's the last day of the world. A nuclear bomb-wielding Instagram-star-turned-dictator has accidentally deployed missiles across the globe. Just as the world faces imminent destruction, Zane is whisked away by a swirling light that asks one simple question. What kind of life do you desire?

A [Mage] team from Wistram Academy is dogging Pisces, Ceria, Ksmvr, and Yvlon's steps, with revenge in mind. However, adventurers must work, and the Horns have been called on as security for an ambitious project: building a road past the Bloodfields towards the rest of southern Izril. There is more to the world than just Liscor, however. Players of Celum are coming to Invrisil with a splash. There are [Knights] from Terandria roaming around Izril after their battle with the Witch of Webs, and they have heard tell of a mysterious slayer of Goblins.

Corin Cadence has been summoned to meet with the Emerald Council, a political summit including the most powerful of all attuned and their closest political allies.

With Earth in the line of fire and invaders from the wider multiverse on their proverbial doorstep, the Milky Way has only limited time before the bridge to the wider multiverse establishes itself. What will our hero do? He peaces out, of course! Why would he join the frontlines? Instead, he finds an unexpected ally in Riseth, a fierce and clever demoness with whom he shares a powerful soul resonance.

Tamsyn Muir’s Gideon the Ninth unveils a solar system of swordplay, cut-throat politics, and lesbian necromancers. Her characters leap out of the audio, as skillfully animated as arcane revenants. The result is a heart-pounding epic science fantasy. Brought up by unfriendly, ossifying nuns, ancient retainers, and countless skeletons, Gideon is ready to abandon a life of servitude and an afterlife as a reanimated corpse.

Try as he might, Fischer still can't catch a break. Tropica's forces have just perpetrated the fantasyland equivalent of crashing the king's party, kicking over the punch bowl, and making a series of rude gestures on their way out. Unfortunately, they're about to learn firsthand that when you take a bully down to the mat, it's best to make sure they don't get back up. Because their enemies are unearthing long-forgotten powers, and if those dabbling in the resulting destructive chi succeed, they could become even more annoying than the time Corporal Claws hid all of Fischer's pants.

A pantheon of forgotten gods. An old grudge between a talk show host, an heiress, and the man they shattered along the way. A rapidly deteriorating AI system. An inconvenient tiara upon the head of a friend.

The Wind Runner is visiting Riverfarm, and Emperor Laken Godart couldn't be happier. Summer has arrived on Izril, and with it, trouble is brewing. The prosperity of the Unseen Empire has brought both enemies and unlikely allies to the north. A coven has descended upon Riverfarm, seeking a grand bargain with the [Emperor].

The City Watch needs men! But what it's got includes Corporal Carrot (technically a dwarf), Lance-Constable Cuddy (really a dwarf), Lance-Constable Detritus (a troll), Lance-Constable Angua (a woman...most of the time) and Corporal Nobbs (disqualified from the human race for shoving). And they need all the help they can get, because someone in Ankh-Morpork has been getting dangerous ideas - about crowns and legendary swords and destiny.

The Discworld is in danger, heading towards a seemingly inevitable collision with a malevolent red star, its magic fading. It needs a hero, and fast. What it doesn't need is Rincewind, an inept and cowardly wizard who is still recovering from the trauma of falling off the edge of the world. Or Twoflower, the well-meaning tourist whose luggage has a mind (and legs) of its own.

Everybody knows there's no such thing as a female wizard. So when the wizard Drum Billet accidentally passes on his staff of power to an eighth daughter of an eighth son, a girl called Eskarina (Esk, for short), the misogynistic world of wizardry wants nothing to do with her.

According to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (the world's only completely accurate book of prophecies, written in 1655, before she exploded), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in fact. Just before dinner. So, the armies of Good and Evil are amassing, Atlantis is rising, frogs are falling, tempers are flaring. Everything appears to be going according to Divine Plan.

For a policeman, there can be few things worse than a serial killer loose in your city. Except, perhaps, a serial killer who targets coppers, and a city on the brink of bloody revolution. For Commander Sam Vimes, it all feels horribly familiar. Caught on the roof of a very magical building during a storm, he's found himself back in his own rough, tough past without even the clothes he was standing up in when the lightning struck. Living in the past is hard, especially when your time travel companion is a serial killer who knows where you live.

When the neighbours in question are the proud empires of Klatch and Ankh-Morpork, those are going to be some pretty large garden tools indeed. Of course, no-one would dream of starting a war without a perfectly good reason...such as a 'strategic' piece of old rock in the middle of nowhere. It is after all every citizen's right to bear arms to defend their own. Even if it isn't technically their own. And even if they don't have much in the way of actual weaponry.

Wildlife and monsters have been stirred from their homes by intruders, both in the continent of Chandrar and the Empire of Tiqr, led by Nsiia, the Empress of Beasts, and in Liscor's dungeon, where a certain skeleton continues to help both friend and foes in the only way he knows how. In Liscor, the election will result in a new group of leaders for the city. But is that for the better or worse?

At twenty-six, Ivy has their life figured out. They have a decent-paying job at the London office of Somnus Entertainment—the gaming company behind the wildly popular game Black Oasis—a draughty flat they inherited from their wild great aunt, and a few select friends to pass the time. They're a responsible adult, thank you very much, and while they might get lonely at times, they know better than to put too much stock into that fanciful notion known as love.

Three witches gathered on a lonely heath. A king cruelly murdered, his throne usurped by his ambitious cousin. A child heir and the royal crown, both missing.

Moist von Lipwig is a con artist and a fraud and a man faced with a life choice: be hanged, or put the ailing postal service of Ankh-Morpork back on its feet. It's a tough decision. The post is a creaking old institution, overshadowed by new technology. But there are people who still believe in it and Moist must become one of them if he's going to see that the mail gets through, come rain, hail, sleet, dogs, the Post Office Workers Friendly and Benevolent Society, an evil chairman...and a midnight killer. Getting a date with Adora Bell Dearheart would be nice, too.