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BOMT (The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee) lands on Whackoff 8, the most self-sexually, self-romantically, and self-involved planet in a self-absorbed universe of immense, egocentric, imperiousness. The official transcription logs of BOMT, as it approached the gravitational field of pure narcissistic sexual energy waves, reads as “I am entering the field of Whackoff 8 , detecting a rise in unfiltered egocentric energy and… oh my God, I never noticed how gorgeous and drop dead sexy I am, I … I want to write a love poem to myself… I just can’t help it. My antenna is uncontrollably stroking my throttle-boing stick and it feels so good… I am fanaticising sticking my spoorelease rod into my rear passage duct… and sticking it in and out and in and…. Oh I love me! I am expelling my excess jizzlubricant. I am going to marry myself!”

As BOMT continued admiring a screenshot of itself, it downloaded the following achieve material:

We begin with the Faecal Economist Langly Fulton shares his top tips on toilet paper substitute (note: Do not attempt using discarded sandpaper) and a commercial from Head Bang Industries for the latest technology in walls to bang your head against.

David Cumfucker attempts, unsuccessfully, to report day 69 from the trial of the decade despite obstacles, which include a retarded camera crew (we apologise if saying ‘retarded’ has offended any listeners, including retarded listener, who may tend to become a bit retarded when triggered over retarded things, such as this retarded sketch). After a message from the makers of Kak Gleam who add razzle and sparkle in your dung (and we realise that dung doesn’t usually describe human poop however we are told that some of our listeners are animals), we feature the latest episode of Fucking with Nature where Jim Obean, the fucking naturist, attempts to do it with a bee.

#funnyadults #darkhumor #darkjokes #darkadultjokes #darkadulthumor #humours #humor

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It’s time to verbally vomit clichéd merry Christmases and happy Chanukah schmutz into a microphone and poop out into a second holiday special.

BOMT is shamelessly exploited by producers for a cheesy second holiday special designed by producers to excrete some more happy holiday crap that rips-off synthetic sentiment like hack seasonal Disney porn. It is an alternative time line of cheap drivel where a fourth-rate podcaster, absent of integrity and taste, rehashes worn tripe and creates a podcast called “The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee – The Podcast”.

We begin this episode with asking the probing (and we DO mean probing in a sexual way) question: Why are perverts ruining Christmas? We attempt to answer this question while ignoring the Santa giving his elf a handy. Mean Morty is back with his next Christmas tip and Xmas memories recalling when Skippy the dog did it with the holiday turkey.

BOMT proudly presents (it really is shocking that BOMT could proudly present this crap) … as we were saying, BOMT PROUDLY presents a special season episode of The Twitlike Zone. This weeks pile: Jerry’s Foreskin for Christmas. It is a retelling of the most world famous Christmas and Chanukah tale that has been told endlessly through the year and has been the inspiration for countless films: The Christmas story of the man who forces his way to the mythical Foreskin Achieve and undergoes a life changing foreskin transplant. (Note – we were shocked to discover that no-one else knows of this, the most traditional holiday tale, ever told. For F£%&CKs sake, where have you been all these years!).

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BOMT landed on an alternative timeliness of Earth in time for the ultimate holiday of love and kindness of man to his fellow man and transvestite. It was the time of year where miracles are celebrated: The annual wanking of the bull.

In this alternative timeliness timeline, Spaniards celebrate the life of the blind saint/ farmer Saint Pullington Juicer, who performed the miracle of accidentally milking a male bull and drawing milk. Theologians theorise that it may not have been milk.

Coincidently, the next day was Christmas. On Christmas day, their alternative St. Nicholas visits all the houses in the neighbourhood and guilt-trips the little children for not buying him a present and for being such greedy, self-centred shits that the they expect a stranger in a ridiculous red suit to buy ‘then' gifts.

BOMT drapes itself in mistletoe and KY Jelly as it oozes into this alternative universe where the wholesome seasonal holiday spirit has been overrun by cheesy Xmas porn and yuletime body secretions. There is no Rudalph the Red Nose Reindeer but there is Barry the Moose with Blue Balls, there is no I’m Dreaming Of A White Christmas but there is I’m fantasising a naked elf with Cream Pie.

Words cannot describe the bodily secretions that are splooged all over the Christmas trees because these body secretions haven’t been named yet. The secretions are from sex acts so offensive, disgusting, and just plain wrong that only the most twisted and sickest pervert could find a way to secrete it while actually performing a sex act that, when we say words can’t describe it, is because no diseased mind has invented the words yet for that which cannot be imagined.

On this episode: we begin with the quandary that weighs on everyone’s mind during this synthetic, festive, season of unfilled expectations and high suicides: “Do you want to fuck a reindeer in the arse?”. We visit the most intelligent department store Santa in the Universe as he faces off against the worst filth in the galaxy: A young child. We feature Mean Morty’s Christmas tips, the stingy pointers on how to save money on Xmas and an inside peak at the Marketing firm of some plastically marketing types as they meet with the council of Rabbis and, despite having the mighty dreidel, proceed to ‘sex up Chanukah’.

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BOMT travels to the most sanitary planet of good taste and smells in the galaxy, a planet where shit doesn’t exist.

No animal or vegetable possesses an anus (that said, minerals possess a micro-atomic level mini anus however it is so tiny and theoretical that, for practical purposes, let’s just say that the concept of an asshole doesn’t exist in minerals either).

Piss also is unthinkable, there is no waste or unpleasant excretions of any time. A fart is impossible and unimaginable.

Even if an alien from outside the planet attempts, with all it’s might, to let go of a stage 3 flatulent event, the expelled gas will smell like the rest of the planet – like expensive perfume.

Obviously, in a planet without shit, piss, vomit or farts – BOMT felt so out of place and uncomfortable that it vacated, both the planet and its bowels, and left immediately.

In this episode we feature the best advise on how not to shit in the show (which is just don’t shit in the f-ing shower, the inspiration for the Armenian Polka hit “A Shark Is Eating My Arsehole”, The true (yea – right – true) story of Adolf Hitler and The Puckered Anus of A Syphilitic Dog With Haemorrhoids. And there’s more:

The Podcast award winner of some random year and a finally a plea (downright begging) to “Please Give Generously To MyEnormous Penis”

(Another day when we reach out to adults who are in love with offensive comedy show. Call us the masters of dark humour for adults. We give it in better doses under our Vip Lounge at patreon.com/BOMT_Podcast)

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🎙 This Episode: Offensive comedy, absurd satire, and unfiltered laughs await as The Battery Operated Magic Toupee travels to Planet Terseconsise—a place so succinct it only has three words in its dictionary: succinct, terse, and concise. Philosophers battle it out over its description, while the locals agree it smells, well… “succinct, terse, and concise.”

🔞 Highlights Include:

• Why you shouldn’t stick things where they don’t belong (we warned you).
• An exclusive interview with the creator of The Butler Who Murdered The Millionaire—a dud even alleys rejected.
• A hilarious tale of a father’s misguided love as the infamous Frimpton Baby poops itself.
• Plus, a premature ejaculation PSA featuring the timeless phrase: “Oops.”

☠️ Love dark humor, offensive jokes, and wildly absurd comedy? Stay tuned for more ridiculousness every week!

Follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Google for uncensored laughs that push every boundary.

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BOMT watches its back and removes the knives as they appear in it as it revisits a world in which dark comedy writers are unnecessary since all the universe’s absurd, preposterous, and ridiculous crap has fallen from a wormhole and in the midst of a steamining intergalactic shitfest created a parallel stenchverse where satire and comedy is impossible as no comedy writer could ever imagine anything more ridiculous or absurd than writes itself since it is embedded in the very air they breathe.

It is the world of politics.

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Follow our Dark humor jokes podcast for Edgy humor

Tags:

• Satirical comedy shows
• Twisted humor for adults
• Controversial comedy podcast

#offensivecomedy #offensivecomedyshow #darkhumour

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In this Twisted humor for adults episode BOMT shiftily sleazes backwards through the stench tunnel leading to the most putrid arsepit of sleaze and corruption, an antiuniverse where integrity has been replaced by putrid pig mick. It is the world of politics. It is a world where the entire population takes intelligence tests and the lowest scores win and govern and the highest scores lose and are governed.

We begin with the best tip on how to vote this upcoming election: “Vote for the Lesser Asshole.”

Next, in order to remain fair and impartial, we give equal time to party political broadcasts for “The Fucking Embarrassing Party” (this is truth in advertising… they really are fucking embarrassing) , “The Don’t Vote Party” (which has the wisest platform and they stand for not voting) , “The New Woke NAZI Party” (The goosestep goes woke), and “The ME Party” (which boasts the most common form of politician since, for them, EVERYTHING is about ME).
Stanley Shminglefart attempts to record a campaign speech and overcome his laughable name.

“The Liberal Inclusive Party” proves how inclusive they are, they can produce photos of their candidates standing next to every race, religion and type of person that a person can identitfy with, with the exception of somewhat normal podcast listeners.

We follow with political messages from the indescribable “Party of No Fixed Abode (and since it is indescribable we will not attempt to describe it) and “the Pity Party” (whether or not you vore for them – open your heart and please pity these poor, pathetic, unelectable bastards).

Finally –the revolutionary Sound Behind brings its revolutionary AI technology to the Margret Thatcher’s most famous speech as we hear the REAL goings-on behind the scenes.
Welcome/ warning intro
Theme music montage
Vote for the Lesser Asshole
Political Message – The Fucking Embarrassing Party
Political Message – The Don’t Vote Party
Political Message – The New Woke NAZI Party
Political Message – The ME Party
Vote Shminglefart
Political Message – The Liberal Inclusive Party
(PODCAST PROMO)
Political Message –Party of No Fixed Abode
Political Message – the Pity Party
THE SOUND BEHIND – Oooooh that Thatcher
Closing Credits Follow our Dark humor jokes podcast for Edgy humor

Tags:

• Satirical comedy shows
• Twisted humor for adults
• Controversial comedy podcast

For all your dark humour, dark jokes and offensive jokes stay close!

(Another day when we reach out to adults who are in love with offensive comedy show. Call us the masters of dark humour for adults. We give it in better doses under our Vip Lounge at patreon.com/BOMT_Podcast)

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BOMT (The Battery Operated Magic Toupee) goes hardcore e-S&M, submissively puts on a Kalavax dog collar, begged for forgiveness from the dominant Schlooglehabs of Planet Imyoubitch4, and insisted to be disciplined. It digitally exclaimed “I’m a naughty multidimensional toupee which is magical and operated by batteries… scrape my anticorrosive electrodes, drain my schmibblepiss fluid, suck my multi-dimension hyper- circuitstick and make me beg like the slut velutian veetlebink I am.”

We start with a question to the many of you who suffer in silence as you left your leg to a tree… “Do you have the toilet habits of a dog”

Next: Don’t Scrub Your Privates With Steel Wool. By privates we refer to your genitals, and by genitals we refer to your penis or vagina. And why shouldn’t you scrub your penis or vagina with steel wool? You’ll need to listen to get the answer.

Next a commercial message from Bonzo Butcher Budget Beef. Save money with our discount goat vaginas and the largest selection of assholes in the industry, including discount donkey rectums.

Next – the not famous Bert Smolinski of the not well known Bert Smolinski attempts a talent show… over an audio podcast.

Finally – a pandemic of loose pubic hair is coming. Listen to this warning so that you can prepare yourself for the devastating (and pretty disgusting) devastation of what is to come.
Welcome/ warning intro Theme music montage Do you have dog toilet habits?? - coming attraction Don’t Scrub Your Privates With Steel Wool Bonzo Butcher Beef commercial Talent Contest (PODCAST PROMO) Pubic Hair warning Closing Credits

For all your dark humour, dark jokes and offensive jokes stay close!

(Another day when we reach out to adults who are in love with offensive comedy show. Call us the masters of dark humour for adults. We give it in better doses under our Vip Lounge at patreon.com/BOMT_Podcast)

You can email us at: bomt@bomt.uk.