Welcome to SPECTRE etc. This is the James Bond podcast where we discuss the ins and the outs of each film. In this episode, we return to the safety of EON films so the Broccoli Family can Roger us one Moore time as we Walk-ento “A View to a Kill”.

* The pre-titles sequence is pre-empted by a legal disclaimer that strangely fails to warn the viewer about the upcoming Beach Boys sound-a-like.

* Q and Bond discuss microchips as they try to avoid kicking a Floor-Droid. Moneypenny has disposed of Penelope Smallbone, and she is overjoyed to be invited to join the boys at the races. Tibbett (yes, MI6 has an equine expert) also attends.

* Tibbett suggests Bond head to France to learn more about Zorin - the owner of a winning horse - so Bond is off to the Eiffel Tower! There he meets an incredibly French investigator. May Day kills Frenchie, and forces Bond to steal a car from an even Frencher guy - sacre bleu!

* Bond and Tibbett head to Zorin’s chateau, disguised as a Lord and his manservant. They “pull a Kananga” in order to sneak around - discovering Zorin’s vials and microchips and henchmen. A couple of test tubes is all Bond needs to join the dots on Zorin’s horse-cheating.

* Bond makes a move on Mayday, and - presumably as an act of revenge - Mayday kills Tibbett. After a little horseplay, Zorin tries to drown 007, but a tired Bond is saved by his prehensile tongue.

* Zorin’s blimp arrives at San Francisco, with Bond mystifyingly close behind. James tries to buy some crabs, but ends up with just a steaming cup of exposition. After 007 sifts through this information, he decides to sneak up on Stacey in the shower.

* Bond uses an a-SALT rifle to save Stacey, before whisking her eggs. A quick trip to City Hall reveals Zorin’s genius does not extend to naming Operations. Nevertheless, Zorin is able to find enough rum to give Bond and Stacey a hot shaft.

* Bond and Stacey escape the flames, and are forced into a silly slapstick subplot involving San Francisco’s stupidest police. James hijacks one of Zorin’s trucks, allowing he and Stacey to sneak into the mine.

* Zorin goes a bit mental, killing most of his henchmen. Bond saves Stacey, and then works with May Day to prevent Zorin’s master plan from coming to fruition. Enraged, Zorin uses his getaway-blimp to sneak up on Stacey, but Bond is able to hang from a rope - just as the film’s credibility hangs by a thread.

* Bond ties the blimp to some bridge, before throwing a flaccid Zorin into the Bay. Dr. Monocle tries to detonate Bond, but James is able to kill the remaining bad guys with their own bomb.

* Bond receives the Order of Lenin but misses the ceremony. Once Roger realises that MI6 sent Q to see Bond shower, he throws in the towel.

Worst Impersonation Trophy:

Matt tries to give us a bit of Bowie, but ends up channeling the Flight of the Conchords instead.

And of course, keep checking back for a link to our petition to have “The Spy Who Loved Me” officially registered as the best film of Roger’s reign.

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Welcome to SPECTRE etc. This is the James Bond podcast where we discuss the ins and the outs of each film. In this episode, we risk the wrath of the Broccoli Mafia by straying from Eon Productions. Find out if Kevin McClory’s offer was one we should have refused in “Never Say Never Again”.

* The pre-titles and the titles are efficiently merged. Sean’s face fills the screen before his cinematically-shot training mission goes awry. resulting in an absolutely awful M sending 007 to detox.

* The SPECTRE meeting shows they are no longer the Industry Leader. It seems their sole focus now is to repeatedly spell out the acronym - which seems to excite McClory far more than it should. SPECTRE sends #12 to assassinate Captain Jack in the most contrived way possible.

* In a clear cry for help, Bond fills his rehab suitcase with contraband. Once at detox, Bond undergoes more colonics than one would think necessary. Then he is attacked by a henchman who is also a Count. Luckily Bond is able to give the noble thug a piss of his mind.

* On Largo’s boat, the office doubles as a peep-show booth. He watches Domino dance for a bit, then zips up and heads out to give her a “Tears of Allah” pendant before threatening to slit her throat. Nice guy.

* Before heading to the Bahamas, Bond visits Q’s lab. Unfortunately he only finds Algie - some degenerate cockney who tries to live vicariously through 007 anecdotes. In the Bahamas, Bond is greeted by his new offsider: Mr. Bean.

* Bond and #12 go deep, and then head underwater. They swim with the sharks, but Bond is able to find safety in an unflattering pair of overalls. Luckily, when Bond’s hotel room explodes, he is still wearing protection.

* Bond chases Largo to France, where he meets up with the best Felix yet. Bond sneaks into a spa to assault The Sister of the Guy Who Did the Thing. Domino tells 007 that Largo will be at the casino that night, helping out some local orphan kids.

* At the casino, Bond is coerced into competing against Largo at his own game. Domination is annoying to watch, and looks awful to play. But it is a whole lot easier to watch than Bond telling Domino about her brother’s death during a ballroom dance.

* Bond jumps on his motorcycle and chases #12 around town. She eventually traps him, and becomes a plot device enabling Bond to use his pen gun. Thankfully, this contrivance allows Bond to kill her before he and Felix strip down to their underwear.

* Bond pops up on Largo’s boat a little early for their lunch date. Largo captures Bond, but lets his prisoner wander free on the boat. This lax approach has many negative consequences for Largo. He responds by locking Bond in a tower, and giving Domino a spit-bridge kiss before putting her on the auction block.

* Bond escapes, rescues Domino, and kills a horse. Back on the boat, M uses the intercom to sexily serenade Bond and Domino. Bond realises Domino’s pendant is a clue - so it is time to bust out the jetpacks!

* A too-long gunfight scene leads to an underwater sequence in a saltwater drinking well. Before all that swimming killed Connery’s hairpiece, Domino (she is an agent now?) shows up to kill Largo.

* While the epilogue usually shows the viewer that Bond is never completely safe, this time the final scene puts the viewer in danger.

And of course, keep checking back for a link to our petition to have Kevin McClory locked in a room for an interrogation by Col!

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Welcome to SPECTRE etc. This is the James Bond podcast where we discuss the ins and the outs of each film. In this episode, Roger offers a history lesson on India’s colonial past! Enjoy our efforts to out-do Bond for schoolboy humour, and join our short stay on a sapphic island in “Octopussy”.

* A pre-titles sequence everyone enjoys sets us up for what we can only assume is the all-time high of Rita Coolidge’s career: yet another Bond ballad.

* Agent 009 learns that a clown costume is the worst possible outfit for a midnight chase through the jungle. Then, Bond gives New M a crash course in Faberge Eggs.

* Orlov defies the wishes of his frenemies and presses on with his plan to conquer Europe: send Kamal to a jewelry auction. Bond is meant to walk on eggshells but bids big; Kamal keeps his cool and shells out for the egg.

* In India, Bond heads straight for the casino to play his signature game… backgammon? Bond brings sexy back with a no-look roll, as he and Kamal eventually come face-to-face. This cheekiness is swiftly punished with a tuk-tuk chase - which includes a quick lesson on the cultural delights of the subcontinent.

* Bond visits Q’s makeshift lab for terrible one-liners and schoolboy nonsense. Bond’s date with Kamal’s girl leads to Magda showing Bond her octopussy, then taking a walk of shame right off the balcony - upon which Gobinda has his way with James.

* Bond’s imprisonment in Kamal’s castle leads to nice suits and fine dining. Refusing to put up with this outrageous treatment, James breaks out of his cell and catches a hint of exposition.

* An unconvincing zombie impression gives James room to escape into the jungle. This is hard viewing even before the vine swing is ruined with Tarzan’s awful audio.

* Bond’s colleague Vijay is demoted to masseuse, while Octopussy’s ladies-only island outrages James. Bond heads for this island paradise, and Octopussy quickly wraps her tentacles around him. Kamal is angered by Bond’s nasty habit of surviving, so heads off to hire some henchmen at the cantina. Unlike Vijay, James is able to escape the circular saw yo-yo.

* Bond follows Octopussy and Kamal to Germany, where he learns that Orlov and Kamal are double-crossing Octopussy by switching precious jewels with an atomic payload. Bond kills a few henchmen before Orlov dumps exposition all over him. Bond’s knowledge of the full plan leads to driving a car on the train tracks, and then spending time on, in, and under a train. SPECTRE Etc has plenty of questions about these scenes, but Col has all the answers!

* James jumps from the train and once more flees through a jungle. Bond arrives at the circus and spends a good half hour putting on clown makeup. It turns out that Col is also our go-to man for questions about painting one’s own head.

* Bond infiltrates the circus but no one takes the clown seriously. Octopussy steals a policeman’s gun to shoot at the bomb; then James defuses it the old-fashioned way.

* Everyone zooms back to India for a circus-style sneak attack, before Bond’s horse catches up to Kamal’s plane. Bond brings down the plane, then lets Octopussy nurse him back to health.

Official SPECTRE etc Theory (OffSeT) #13: Admiral Hargreaves was promoted to M. Unlike the role of James Bond - where it has been pretty clearly established that a new actor is not a new James - it is clear that M’s replacement in this film is indeed a new M. With M’s passing, the Admiral we met in “The Spy Who Loved Me” has been promoted.

Worst Impersonation Trophy:

Col... Orlov = Quarrel? ...this episode’s WIT.

And of course, keep checking back for a link to our petition to have Gobinda officially renamed The Turbanator!

Contact us:

Facebook: SPECTREetc

Twitter: @SpectreEtc007

Instagram/Threads: @spectreetc

Email: spectreetc007@gmail.com