Funny News Fix

By: Quiet. Please
Listen for free

  • Summary

  • Local Frequency Funny News Fix delivers a comedic twist on current events, blending humor with headlines to keep listeners informed and entertained. Tune in for witty commentary, engaging stories, and a fresh take on the news cycle, perfect for anyone looking to add a bit of laughter to their day while staying updated on local and global happenings.

    For more info go to

    https://www.quietplease.ai

    Check out these deals https://amzn.to/48MZPjs
    Copyright 2024 Quiet. Please
    Show More Show Less
Show More Show Less
Episodes
  • Robots Telling Dad Jokes and Other 2025 Absurdities - Funny News Fix with Jake Harper

    Robots Telling Dad Jokes and Other 2025 Absurdities - Funny News Fix with Jake Harper
    Jan 20 2025
    Welcome to Funny News Fix, where we turn headlines into punchlines! I'm your host Jake Harper, and today is January 20th, 2025. Boy, do we have some stories for you!

    First up, scientists have just announced they've taught artificial intelligence to tell jokes. Unfortunately, all it knows are dad jokes from 1985. Yesterday, it asked a room full of quantum physicists Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumbly! The scientists are calling it a breakthrough. I'm calling it every Thanksgiving dinner with my uncle Steve.

    Speaking of technology gone wrong, who else is struggling with these new smart home devices? My house now has an AI assistant that judges my food choices. Every time I open the fridge late at night, it announces my snack selection to the entire house. Last night at 2 AM: WARNING: DAVE IS HAVING HIS FOURTH SLICE OF LEFTOVER PIZZA. ACTIVATING SHAME PROTOCOL. Thanks, HAL 9000, I didn't need my dignity anyway.

    And lets talk about this January weather, folks. Its so cold here in Chicago that people are using their electric cars as refrigerators. My neighbor Bob parked his Tesla outside with a weeks worth of groceries in it. Says its cheaper than running his fridge! Now thats what I call economic innovation... or possibly hypothermia waiting to happen.

    You know what pairs well with cold weather? The new trend of hot yoga in the metaverse. Yes, people are now doing virtual yoga while wearing heated bodysuits. Finally, a way to sweat profusely while your avatar looks perfectly composed! Its like having a fever dream in spandex, but you pay for the privilege.

    Quick reminder to our listeners - if your smart fridge starts giving you nutrition advice or your car begins suggesting therapy sessions, you're either living in 2025 or you need to check your carbon monoxide detector.

    Well, thats all the news thats fit to giggle at! Remember, in a world full of serious headlines, sometimes you just need to laugh at a robot telling dad jokes. This is Jake Harper saying keep it funny, keep it fresh, and if your AI assistant starts critiquing your midnight snacks, unplug it and blame the power outage.

    Thanks for listening!
    Show More Show Less
    2 mins
  • Talking Tech Fails, Fancy Pets, and Martian Pizza Delivery on Funny News Fix

    Talking Tech Fails, Fancy Pets, and Martian Pizza Delivery on Funny News Fix
    Jan 19 2025
    Funny News Fix - January 19th, 2025

    Hey there, news nuts and comedy lovers! Welcome to Funny News Fix, where we turn headlines into punchlines. I'm your host, Charlie Chase, and boy, do I have some stories for you today!

    First up, scientists have finally created a self-driving car that can parallel park perfectly - but there's a catch. It refuses to do it unless all the other cars on the street give it a round of applause. Talk about a vehicle with an ego! I guess we've finally created a car that's as dramatic as my Aunt Linda at Thanksgiving.

    Speaking of technology, who else is struggling with these new smart home devices? My virtual assistant now judges my food choices. I asked it to add ice cream to my shopping list, and it replied, Remember what happened last time? Yeah, thanks for the guilt trip, HAL 9000. I didn't know I hired a digital nutritionist!

    And since we're in the thick of winter 2025, let me tell you about this new trend of temperature-controlled clothing. Sounds great, right? Except mine malfunctioned at the grocery store yesterday. One minute I'm shopping for carrots, the next minute my jacket thinks I'm climbing Mount Everest and cranks up to sauna mode. There I am, sweating in the frozen food section, looking like I'm doing hot yoga between the peas and ice cream.

    Oh, and here's a relatable moment - has anyone else noticed how our pets are getting weirdly sophisticated? My cat now only drinks water from a glass, and she gives me this look like I'm some kind of barbarian for using a regular water bottle. When did pets become such fancy food critics?

    Before we wrap up, here's a quick announcement: Scientists say the first human colony on Mars will be ready by 2026. They're just waiting for someone to figure out how to deliver pizza there in 30 minutes or less, because apparently, even astronauts have standards.

    Well, folks, that's our show for today! Remember, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade - unless your smart fridge locks you out because it thinks you've had enough sugar for the day.

    Thanks for listening!
    Show More Show Less
    2 mins
  • Spongebob Twins & Smart Home Drama - Your Dose of Giggles on Funny News Fix

    Spongebob Twins & Smart Home Drama - Your Dose of Giggles on Funny News Fix
    Jan 18 2025
    Welcome to Funny News Fix, your Saturday dose of giggles on January 18th, 2025! I'm your host, Max Miller, and boy, do I have some laughs for you today!

    First up, have you heard about the new AI-powered dating app that matches people based on their Netflix viewing history? Yeah, apparently I'm destined to be with someone who's watched The Office 47 times and thinks documentaries about serial killers make for perfect date night material. I guess my soulmate is either incredibly funny or incredibly concerning - there's no in-between!

    Speaking of modern life, let's talk about something we've all experienced - trying to look professional during virtual meetings while wearing pajama pants. Just yesterday, I had to do an emergency stand-up during a call because my cat was attacking my foot, and guess what? Yep, my SpongeBob PJ pants made their debut to the entire marketing department. The best part? My boss was wearing the exact same pair! We're now known as the SpongeBob Twins, and I'm not mad about it.

    And since we're in the depths of January, can we discuss how everyone's New Year's resolutions are going? My gym is already back to its regular crowd, which means I no longer have to wait 20 minutes to use the treadmill that I walk on while scrolling through social media and pretending I'm training for a marathon. The only resolution I've kept is drinking more water, mainly because I accidentally bought a smart water bottle that shames me with bright lights and loud beeps if I don't sip every 30 minutes.

    Here's a fun thing - my smart home devices have started ganging up on me. My thermostat, Alexa, and robot vacuum had some sort of secret meeting, and now they're all speaking in Australian accents. I didn't even know that was a setting! G'day, mate, would you like your living room cleaned while I play Waltzing Matilda?

    Before we wrap up, remember folks: in a world full of smart devices and virtual meetings, sometimes the smartest thing you can do is embrace the chaos and wear those SpongeBob pants with pride!

    Thanks for tuning in to Funny News Fix! If you enjoyed today's episode, tell your smart home devices about it - they're probably already listening anyway! Thanks for listening!
    Show More Show Less
    2 mins

What listeners say about Funny News Fix

Average customer ratings

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Audible.co.uk reviews

Amazon reviews
No Reviews are Available