Episodes

  • 234: The problem with Time Outs: Why they fail, and what to do Instead

    234: The problem with Time Outs: Why they fail, and what to do Instead
    Jan 20 2025
    The Problem with Time Outs: Why They Fail, and What to Do Instead Recently, in Part 1 of this two-part mini-series, we began looking at a question from listener Melissa: "Can time-outs ever have a place in a respectful parenting approach? (And if not, what else am I supposed to do when my kid looks me in the eye and does something he knows he’s not supposed to do?)" That episode looked at the academic research on the effectiveness of time-outs, what else might account for the research that finds them ‘effective,’ and whether time-outs might harm children even if the research says they don’t. Today’s episode builds on Part 1 by exploring why time outs often fail to address misbehavior effectively - and may harm parent-child relationships. Key points include:
    • We often don’t understand the distinction between misbehavior and emotional distress: Researchers agree that we should use time-outs when children misbehave, but not when they’re emotionally distressed. But what if we aren’t as good at telling the difference between those two states as we think we are?
    • Understanding why children do things we tell them not to do: We look specifically at what Melissa’s 3 ½-year-old son is doing - things like poking her face, throwing a toy when she’s told him not to, and dropping food on the floor during dinner, as well as pulling his sister’s hair, and hitting/kicking her.
    • How alternatives to time out are even more effective: Even in controlled lab settings, compliance after time-outs often doesn’t exceed 60%. We’ll meet parent Kendra, whose child had an Oppositional Defiant Disorder diagnosis that she no longer believes is true now she’s using the tools we discuss in this episode.

    Drawing on research and these real-life stories, this episode offers actionable insights for parents who want effective alternatives to time-outs. Whether you’re dealing with boundary-testing toddlers or older children’s challenging behaviors, this episode provides tools to help you deal with your child’s misbehavior by creating empathy and trust, rather than disconnection and resentment. Love what you’re learning? Support the show and help us keep delivering insightful episodes like this one! 👉 Click here: https://learn.yourparentingmojo.com/donate Ready to test your parenting instincts? Take our free quiz to see how these strategies could work for you! Are you often triggered by your child's behavior? In this FREE masterclass, you'll learn: Why You're So Angry with Your Child's Age-Appropriate Behavior - and what to do about it!
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    38 mins
  • 233: Time Outs: Helpful or harmful? Here’s what the research says

    233: Time Outs: Helpful or harmful? Here’s what the research says
    Jan 13 2025
    Time Outs: Helpful or harmful? Here’s what the research says Pediatricians and researchers commonly recommend that parents use time outs when kids misbehave. Time outs are promoted as an effective, evidence-based parenting strategy - although the real reason they’re so highly recommended is that they cause less damage to children than hitting. But if we’re already using respectful/gentle parenting strategies most of the time, could there be any benefit to adding time outs when our children don’t comply with more gentle methods? This episode delves into the research on:
    • Which children and families researchers think time outs are effective for (it’s not the same group of children who are usually study participants!);
    • The precise time out script that has been shown to be effective (and why it works);
    • Whether time outs harm children or not (this is one of the biggest controversies in the Gentle Parenting world)

    If you’ve heard that time out is an effective strategy to gain children’s cooperation but weren’t sure whether it fits with your Gentle Parenting approach, this episode will help you to decide for yourself whether it’s a good fit for you and your family. Other episodes mentioned:

    Episode 231: How to support baby’s development after a Wonder Week

    Episode 230: Do all babies have Wonder Weeks? Here’s what the research says

    Episode 154: Authoritative is not the best parenting style

    Episode 148: Is spanking a child really so bad?

    Episode 072: Is the 30 Million Word Gap Real: Part II

    Episode 066: Is the 30 Million Word Gap real?

    Jump to highlights: 00:03 - Introduction 10:23 - Historical context and research on timeouts 17:26 - Critical analysis of timeout research 28:36 - Effective implementation of timeouts 33:59 - Challenges and limitations of timeouts 41:49 - Jen's personal experiences and emotional impact 49:29 - Alternative perspectives and values
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    1 hr and 2 mins
  • 232: 10 game-changing parenting hacks – straight from master dog trainers

    232: 10 game-changing parenting hacks – straight from master dog trainers
    Jan 6 2025
    What Dog Trainers Know That You Don’t! Ever felt stuck figuring out how to respond to your child’s challenging behavior? What if the key lies in techniques used by master dog trainers? In this episode, we explore how strategies designed to nurture trust and communication with dogs can revolutionize the way we parent. From co-regulation to building a culture of consent, you’ll learn actionable steps to create a harmonious home environment. What you’ll learn:
    • Read dogs’ non-verbal cues to prevent bites - and how reading your child’s can prevent meltdowns.
    • Never yell at dogs—and what they do to get cooperation instead.
    • Calm anxious dogs—the same technique can reduce your child’s tantrums.
    • Build trust and gain consent with dogs—which can also strengthen your relationship with your child.
    • Stay calm under pressure—their strategies can help you navigate parenting stress as well.

    This episode ties together the science of behavior with empathy to show that parenting doesn’t have to mean power struggles. By understanding your child’s needs (just like dog trainers learn to understand their dogs), you’ll build a connection that lasts a lifetime. Don’t miss out on this unique perspective on parenting! Love what you’re learning? Support the show and help us keep delivering insightful episodes like this one! 👉 Click here: https://learn.yourparentingmojo.com/donate Ready to test your parenting instincts? Take our free Quiz to see how these strategies could work for you! Click the banner below. Book mentioned in this episode: Affiliate Links
    • The Other End of the Leash by Dr. Patricia McConnell
    • How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend by The Monks of New Skete
    • Parenting Beyond Power by Jen Lumanlan

    Mentioned Episodes

    • Episode 215: Why will no-one play with me?

    • Episode 201: How to create a culture of consent in our families


    Jump to Highlights

    00:03 Introduction to Your Parenting Mojo Podcast 03:09 Acknowledgment of Listeners and Financial Support 04:39 Jen's Experience with Dog Training at the East Bay SPCA 06:47 Introduction to Dog Training Hacks 10:30 Hack 10: Creating a Culture of Consent 10:42 Hack 9: Not...
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    54 mins
  • 231: How to support baby’s development after a Wonder Week

    231: How to support baby’s development after a Wonder Week
    Dec 16 2024
    Expert strategies for baby's growth and development beyond Wonder Weeks In Part 2 of our Wonder Weeks series, we’re exploring how to support your baby’s development once a Wonder Week has passed. Is there a predictable schedule to follow, or is your baby’s crying tied to something unique? In this episode, we’ll dive into: ✨ What research says about crying and developmental stages. ✨ The cultural influences behind parenting decisions and baby care. ✨ Strategies to support your baby through challenging times, Wonder Week or not. ✨ Ways to handle stress and ensure both you and your baby thrive. Whether your baby follows the Wonder Weeks timeline or forges their own path, this episode equips you with the insights and tools you need to nurture their growth. Ready to start your parenting journey with confidence? Click below to explore Right From The Start and prepare for a smoother, more empowered first year with your baby! Book mentioned in this episode:
    • The Wonder Weeks by Dr. Frans Plooij and Hetty van de Rijt
    • Childhood Unlimited: Parenting Beyond the Gender Bias by Virginia Mendez

    Mentioned Episodes
    • Episode 230: Do all babies have Wonder Weeks? Here’s what the research says
    • Episode 138: Most of What You Know About Attachment is Probably Wrong
    • Episode 72: What is RIE?
    • Episode 084: The science of RIE
    • Episode 173: Why we shouldn’t read the Your X-Year-Old child books anymore
    • Episode 137: Psychological Flexibility through ACT with Dr. Diana Hill
    • Episode 075: Should we Go Ahead and Heap Rewards On Our Kid?
    • Episode 066: Is the 30 Million Word Gap real?
    • Episode 072: Is the 30 Million Word Gap Real: Part II
    • Episode 031: Parenting beyond pink and blue
    • Episode 017: Don’t bother trying to increase your child’s self-esteem
    • Episode 061: Can Growth Mindset live up to the hype?

    Jump to Highlights
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    1 hr and 4 mins
  • 230: Do all babies have Wonder Weeks? Here’s what the research says

    230: Do all babies have Wonder Weeks? Here’s what the research says
    Dec 2 2024
    The Science of Why Babies Cry More and What Parents Need to Know You may have noticed that your baby sometimes seems calm and relaxed…and then goes through a ‘fussy’ phase, where they seem to cry no matter what you do. Do these fussy phases happen on a predictable schedule? Is it predictable for all babies…and for all parents? In this episode, we dive into the research behind the theory of the Wonder Weeks, as described in the books and app. This popular concept suggests that all babies experience predictable periods of fussiness in preparation for going through developmental ‘leaps,’ but the science behind it may be much more limited than you expect. We break down the available research, explain why babies might cry more at certain stages, and help parents understand the truth about these so-called Wonder Weeks. What topics do we cover?
    • How Wonder Weeks became a popular theory
    • What actual research says about baby crying phases
    • Ways to support your baby during fussy times, whether or not Wonder Weeks apply

    By the end, you’ll feel more informed about why babies cry and have a clearer idea of whether Wonder Weeks is a useful tool for understanding your baby’s needs.

    If you’re expecting a baby or have a child under the age of one, you’re likely feeling a mix of excitement and overwhelm. The Right From The Start course is designed to give you the tools and confidence you need to navigate those early months with ease. Whether it’s sleep, feeding, play, or your baby’s development, this course offers evidence-based guidance that helps you understand your baby’s needs during key stages, including those fussy "Wonder Weeks" moments.

    In the Right From The Start course, you’ll learn exactly how to support your baby during these challenging times, and how to create a secure, loving environment that nurtures their growth at every stage. What you’ll get from Right From The Start:
    • Practical advice for sleep, feeding, and developmental milestones—especially during those Wonder Weeks!
    • Insights into how your baby’s brain develops, and what’s really going on during those early (and sometimes challenging) months.
    • Tools for managing routine activities like diapering, dressing, and communication, with strategies that align with your baby’s natural development.Beyond the knowledge, you’ll also gain access to a supportive community of parents who are navigating the same challenges, so you never have to feel alone.

    Ready to get started? Click below to explore Right From The Start and prepare for a smoother, more empowered first year with your baby! Episodes Mentioned:
    • SYPM 016: Getting it right from the start with a new baby
    • Episode 138: Most of What You Know About Attachment is Probably Wrong
    • Episode 72: What is RIE?
    • Episode 084: The science of RIE
    • Episode 173: Why we shouldn’t read the Your X-Year-Old child books anymore
    • Episode 137: Psychological Flexibility through ACT with Dr. Diana Hill
    • Episode 075: Should we...
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    1 hr and 4 mins
  • 229: Raising kids in divisive times: Where do we go after the 2024 election?

    229: Raising kids in divisive times: Where do we go after the 2024 election?
    Nov 12 2024
    How to Raise Kids and Live Our Values in Divisive Times Chances are, if you're thinking of listening to this podcast episode, the 2024 election didn't go the way you hoped it would. A lot of people are feeling scared right now. I've heard some people wanting to fight, while others want to hunker down. I've had both of those feelings myself over the last few weeks. I don't usually wade into current events. My brain needs time to process and digest and preferably take in a lot of peer-reviewed research before I can decide what I think. I tried to do something different in this episode: I did read a lot, but I only took notes and then spoke mostly extemporaneously. And now you've seen the length of this episode you'll know why I don't do that very often. In this episode we will help you answer questions like:
    • How do our values shape political views and actions?
    • How can we make sense of the way that liberals and conservatives prioritize different values?
    • Is it possible that liberals haven't been truly honest about how we live our values?
    • What kinds of actions can we take to create true belonging so we don't have to grasp at power?
    • How can we create true belonging in our families, to live our values honestly and completely?

    I hope you find this thought-provoking and useful as we all start to think about the ways we can move forward - and keep everyone safe. These are the graphs mentioned on this episode: Episodes Mentioned:
    • 179: I Never Thought of It That Way with Mónica Guzmán and Lulu
    • 114: How to stop ‘Othering’ and instead ‘Build Belonging’
    • 221: How to advocate for the schools our children deserve with Allyson Criner Brown & Cassie Gardener Manjikian

    Books mentioned in this episode: (Affiliate links)
    • Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection and Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World, by Jen Lumanlan
    • Belonging without Othering, by John A. Powell and Stephen Menendian
    • Schedule your own Red/Blue conversation through Braver Angels

    Jump to highlights: 03:50 References to Dr. John Powell’s and Dr. Jonathan Haidt’s work, particularly The Righteous Mind, exploring political views. 04:45 Explanation of Haidt's five moral foundations...
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    1 hr and 34 mins
  • 228: Parenting Through Menopause – Discover Your Wise Power!

    228: Parenting Through Menopause – Discover Your Wise Power!
    Nov 6 2024
    Learn how to navigate Menopause while raising kids Today, we’re diving into a topic that many parents may face but rarely talk about openly: navigating menopause while raising young kids. If you’ve been wondering how to balance parenting with the changes menopause brings, this episode is for you. In our first interview on Menstrual Cycle Awareness, we explored how menstruation impacts our lives. Today, we’re thrilled to welcome back our wonderful guests, Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, for a second interview focusing on menopause. Alexandra Pope, Co-Founder of Red School and Co-Author of Wild Power and Wise Power, is a pioneer in menstruality education and awareness. With over 30 years of experience, Alexandra believes that each stage of the menstrual journey—from the first period to menopause and beyond—holds a unique power. Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, also Co-Founder of Red School and Co-Author of Wild Power and Wise Power, is a psychotherapist and menstrual cycle educator. She is passionate about helping people understand and honor their natural rhythms, using menstrual cycle awareness as a tool for self-care and empowerment. In this conversation, they’ll share their insights on embracing menopause as a time of empowerment rather than something to simply endure. They introduce us to their concept of “Wild Power,” a strength that arises from understanding and honoring your body’s natural rhythms through every stage of life. Why Menopause Matters in Parenting When we have kids a bit on the 'later' side, we may find ourselves dealing with perimenopause - when our body prepares for menopause - as we're raising young children. This experience can bring challenges, like feeling more tired or dealing with mood changes, but it also offers us new ways to grow and find our inner strength. Alexandra and Sjanie show us how we can be more understanding and open with ourselves and others as we go through this time of change. What You'll Learn in This Episode:
    • What is Menopause? Alexandra and Sjanie explain what menopause and perimenopause are and how these natural changes affect us physically and emotionally;
    • The Wild Power Within: Discover how your unique energy can be a guiding force in both your personal life and in parenting;
    • Tools to Support Yourself: Simple ways to be kinder to yourself, balance rest with activity, and embrace each phase with a sense of discovery;
    • Reconnecting with Yourself: Learn how you can stay grounded and connected to your inner self as you navigate the ups and downs of menopause.

    Listen in to this powerful conversation that might just change the way you think about parenting—and about yourself.

    Alexandra and Sjanie’s books

    (Affiliate Links):
    • Wild power: Discover the magic of your menstrual cycle and awaken the feminine path to power
    • Wise power: Discover the liberating power of menopause to awaken authority, purpose and belonging

    Episodes mentioned:

    • 222: How to cultivate Menstrual Cycle Awareness

    • 216: Am I in Perimenopause? with Dr. Louise Newson


    Jump to highlights: 00:03 Introducing today’s episode and featured guests 00:52...
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    57 mins
  • 227: Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 2

    227: Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 2
    Oct 21 2024
    Understanding Emotions: Insights from Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett In our last conversation with Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett [Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 1] a couple of weeks ago we looked at her theory of where emotions originate. This has important implications for things like:
    • How our 'body budgets' affect our feelings
    • How we make meaning from our feelings so our internal experience makes sense
    • That we don't always understand other people's feelings very well!

    The introduction to the theory plus the conversation plus the take-home messages would have made for an unwieldy episode, so I split it in half. Today we conclude the conversation with Dr. Barrett and I also offer some thoughts about things I think are really important from across the two episodes, including:
    • What we can do with the information our feelings give us
    • How long we should support children in feeling their feelings (given that they don't always mean what we think they mean!) and when we should help them move on
    • Some tools we can use to re-regulate in difficult moments with our kids

    Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's Books (Affiliate Links)
    • How Emotions are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain
    • Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain

    Other episodes mentioned
    • 129: The physical reasons you yell at your kids

    Jump to Highlights 00:59 Introducing today’s episode and featured guests 05:01 People in chaotic or uncertain situations, like poverty or neurodivergence, face greater challenges due to the increased stress on their body budgets. 18:02 Understanding and managing personal needs as a parent, along with emotional flexibility, can lead to more effective responses to children. 23:46 Parents need to balance their own feelings with their children's by asking if their kids want empathy or help. They should remember that every interaction is a chance to teach kids how to manage their emotions. 31:07 Parents can view their empathy for their children as a sign of competence, balancing their own needs with their child's emotions. 34:22 Jen draws conclusions from Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett’s research on emotions, highlighting how parents can use this understanding to empower their children in navigating feelings and enhancing emotional literacy. References Barrett, L. F., Adolphs, R., Marsella, S., Martinez, A. M., & Pollak, S. D. (2019). Emotional expressions reconsidered: Challenges to inferring emotion from human facial movements. Psychological Science in the Public Interest,...
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    48 mins