Episodes

  • How Dads Help Build Secure Attachments in Children

    How Dads Help Build Secure Attachments in Children
    Jan 23 2025
    I was talking with Dr. Russ about parenting, and something hit me like a ton of bricks:Our kids don’t just inherit our genes—they inherit our patterns.Let that sink in for a moment.Your child doesn’t just pick up your smile or your laugh. They pick up your unresolved wounds, your triggers, and the ways you’ve learned (or failed) to self-regulate.If you’ve ever caught your child responding with the same anxiety,frustration, or avoidance you recognize in yourself, you know exactly what I’m talking about.It’s hard to see a child act out of their own fears, insecurities, and lack of self worth.What’s worse is when you know damn well where they got it from.It’s like looking into a mirror you didn’t ask for.See if any of this resonates:The moments when you see your child shut down during conflict, just like you may do.Or when they explode in frustration, unable to express what they’re feeling—just like you might recognize within yourself.And as parents, we love them so fiercely, but sometimes we find ourselves repeating the very patterns we swore we’d never pass on:Yelling when they don’t listen.Avoiding conflict because we don’t want to feel like the “bad guy.”Over-apologizing or over-explaining because we can’t bear to see them upset.We may catch ourselves and think: Where did that come from?And then it hits: It’s me. It’s all me.That shame can be paralyzing.Tell me if this relates at all.THE ROLE OF A FATHER (AND THE SECRET TO BREAKING THE CYCLE)In my journey as a dad, I’ve had a game-changing realization:My most important job isn’t to teach Dominic how to be secure.IT’S TO MODEL IT. That means learning how to self-regulate so I don’t pass down the anxious and reactive patterns I grew up with.It means showing him, through my actions, what it looks like to be calm, grounded, attuned, present, empathetic,and EMOTIONALLY SAFE parent.It means supporting his mother in every way possibleso she can pour into him from a full battery.The early years of his life are critical, not just for him, but for me too.If I want to raise a child who feels secure,loved, and capable,I have to do the inner work to become the man who models those things.Because here’s the truth:Kids don’t listen to what you say.THEY ABSORB WHO YOU ARE.As adults, we all carry the wounds of our childhood—unmet needs, unresolved emotions, and the patterns we learned to survive.When we become parents, we either:Heal those wounds, so our kids don’t inherit them.Or we pass them on, unconsciously repeating the cycle.And let’s be honest:Unless you had Unicorn parents,No one taught us how to do this.How to navigate big emotions, set elegant boundaries, or face our shadows.But we have a choice.One Simple PracticeHere’s something I’ve been doing to shift the energy in my home:When Dominic has a meltdown or an emotional outburst, and I feel myself getting rattled, I pause and ask myself:“What am I making this mean about me?”This question alone shifts me into my “observer” consciousness.And I can quickly assess: Am I reacting from my own anxiety, frustration, or unresolved pain?Or am I holding space for him to feel seen, safe, and understood?It’s not easy, and I don’t always get it right.But every time I pause, I break the pattern just a little bit more.Here’s what I’ve learned:The greatest gift you can give your child isn’t toys, opportunities, or a private education.IT’S A REGULATED, SELF-LOVING PARENT.When you learn to meet your own needs, navigate your emotions, and set elegant boundaries, you create a ripple effect.Your kids grow up feeling safe to be themselves because they’re not absorbing your unresolved chaos.You stop passing down the patterns that kept you stuck—and you start raising a child who knows their worth, trusts their voice, and feels at home in their own skin.This is the promise: You CAN break the cycle.No matter how messy or overwhelming it feels right now, healing is always possible.Standing in unwavering belief in your capacity,Your wingman on the adventure,Nima_______________________________________________If you’re ready to take the first step toward healing these patterns—for yourself, your partner, and your kids—I’ve got something special coming up.Starting next month, I’m leading a 3-week journey called “From Chaos to Connection: A Shadow Work Experience.”This immersive mini-course is being run in February and will help you:Understand the hidden dynamics in your relationships—with your partner, kids, and most importantly, yourself.Break free from the cycles of conflict and disconnection by uncovering and integrating your shadow.Learn how to create safety and connection in your home, starting with YOU.This isn’t just another personal development course.It’s a deep dive into the unseen forces driving your relationship patterns—so you can stop the chaos and start building a life of ...
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    2 mins
  • How I Became Emotionally Trigger-Proof: Shoshanna's Transformation Story

    How I Became Emotionally Trigger-Proof: Shoshanna's Transformation Story
    Jan 21 2025
    If you’ve spent years on personal growth—books, seminars, courses, even therapy—and still find yourself struggling with the same patterns, you’re not alone.I know this because I was there too.Landmark. NLP. Polarity courses. Masculine/Feminine communication workshops. Byron Katie.John Demartini.You name it, I’d tried it. I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars chasing transformation, convinced that if I could just fix myself enough, I’d finally feel worthy, confident, and free— and have a healthy relationship with someone I wasn’t so avoidant with.What I didn’t know: None of these cognitive methods ever taught me how to break free from the deeper, more invisible chains—the ones I couldn’t think or talk my way out of.The ones that were there long before I had the language to describe it.They didn’t teach me how to process my anger, disappointment, or frustration in real time — without reacting and making things worse.They didn’t teach me the difference between my intuition and a trauma response.They didn’t teach me how to respond to the chaos in my relationships instead of getting sucked into it.And they definitely didn’t teach me how to break free from the grip of codependency, trauma bonds and enmeshment.It wasn’t until I stepped back and asked a critical question:Why is all this personal development still leaving me stuck in the same emotional loops?The answer was shocking.Because I was trying to learn these skills the wrong way.I had a critical piece that was missing:Embodiment practice. It’s like trying to teach firefighters how to battle a blaze by handing them a book or having them vent in a therapy session. Sure, the theory might make sense—but when the heat is on, theory won’t put out the flames.What firefighters need are fire drills. They need to practice—over and over again—until responding with poise to a fire becomes second nature.The same is true for relationships, emotional regulation, and healing attachment woundsespecially where codependency is concerned.This is what so many of us have been missing: the nuance, the subtle distinctions, the embodied practice. You can’t just read about secure relationships or watch a video on emotional regulation and expect your nervous system to magically fall in line.These are high level SKILLS—and they must be practiced in real time, much like a dance. You can’t learn the Tango from a podcast. You have to feel your way through it, making adjustments, stumbling, and finding your rhythm until it becomes natural.That’s the missing piece most personal development programs and weekly talk therapy sessions don’t address.ShoSho's story is a perfect example. She had done it all—Landmark, coaching, seminars, and still found herself feeling like she was crawling through a desert. She described her nervous system as being in a constant state of hypervigilance, consumed by global anger and self-doubt.Anything you try to learn under that context doesn’t quite land, does it.“I didn’t realize how much of my life was being run by unprocessed emotions,” she said. “This course was like a buffet of well-curated, nutrient-dense items I didn’t know I needed but had been starving for.”Through the work, ShoSho didn’t just learn new concepts. She rewired her nervous system, discovered how to process her emotions instead of shutting them downor being consumed by them, integrated her shadows, and met the parts of herself she was using courses and seminars to try to destroy, and as a result she was able tobuild the capacity to respond to life’s challenges without losing herself.Her relationship with her aging mother completely shifted.She stopped using personal growth as a covert form of self-hate and started practicing compassion, self regulation, and connection—things no book or seminar could teach her.This is the work of becoming Trigger-Proof.When you take this step:You stop reacting from autopilot and start creating relationships built on connection and safety.You learn to hold space for your emotions—and those of your loved ones—without being consumed by them. And you finally experience the peace and freedom that comes with breaking free from the cycle of chaos and codependency.Most importantly, you don’t just change your life—you create a ripple effect. You transform the way your loved ones experience you, and you model what’s possible for those around you.The greatest gift you can give your children, your partner, and yourself isn’t perfection—it’s self-love. It’s the courage to meet your darker parts with compassion, to navigate your emotions with grace, and to rewrite the story of your worth.This isn’t about fixing what’s broken; it’s about remembering who you are beneath the conditioning, the self-doubt, and the fear. It’s about stepping into an identity that no longer reacts to life on autopilot but instead...
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    2 mins
  • Where Our Dysfunctional Relationship With Our Emotions Come From

    Where Our Dysfunctional Relationship With Our Emotions Come From
    Jan 18 2025
    Parents who admit to already having a dysfunctional relationship with their own emotions,have been asking me about their challenges with their children.This led me to want to bring something to your attention if you’re a parent who cares about raising healthy and resilient children.When your child comes to you with tears in their eyes, do you find yourself saying, “You’re fine, don’t cry”?When they act out, do you catch yourself losing patience—or even control?When they’re scared or angry, do you struggle to just sit with them without trying to fix it?These are the moments that define their inner world.Without knowing it, most of us have been conditioned to create a dysfunctional relationshipwith our own emotions— and are passing it down to our kids.Look in the past few months at the space within your home.Is your home a space of safety, or is it more like a battlefield?It’s not intentional. No parent wants this.But when we are reactive from our own unhealed wounds, the home becomes a place of tension, disconnection, and unpredictable emotions.And kids-- They absorb it. Every bit of it.What happens when kids grow up in homes without emotional safety?They learn to doubt themselves, just like we do.Anxiety: They start FEARING their emotions because no one taught them how to handle fear.Self-doubt: They question their worth because they never felt truly seen or valued.Emotional suppression: They hide their feelings because they see us doing the same—or worse, because we told them to.And they grow up with beliefs like: “I’m too much.” “If I cry, I’m weak.” “My feelings are a burden.” “To be loved, I have to be perfect.”These aren’t just thoughts—they become identities.If you can relate to them, and haven’t sorted them out,chances are you’re unknowingly passing it down to the next generation.Generations of us were raised on dismissive parenting practices.“Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”“You’re fine. Don’t be so dramatic.”“That’s nothing to be scared of.”“STOP BEING SO ANGRY."We were taught—directly or indirectly—that emotions are problems to fix, not experiences to feel.Zero tolerance for frustration, sadness, or fear,so we try to protect them from it— unknowingly setting them up to be fragile, with no self worth or self trust.Can you relate to feeling this way with the same challenges?And now, despite our best intentions, we’re unconsciously teaching our kids the same thing.We model it in the way we suppress our sadness or numb our anger.We react to their big emotions because we’ve never learned how to handle our own.We perpetuate the belief that emotions make us weak.And it’s no wonder:We didn’t learn how to become Trigger-Proof.Now, add this to the mix:Kids today are being raised on screens that hijack their nervous systems with endless dopamine.TikTok. Instagram. YouTube.They’re overstimulated, emotionally dysregulated, and starving for connection.If we, as parents, aren’t regulated ourselves, we can’t create the safety they need to navigate this world.And without safety, kids are left to fend for themselves in a storm of self-doubt, anxiety, and disconnection.It’s not hereditary—it’s conditioning.The Opportunity:The greatest gift you can give your child is a self-loving parent.(Read that again).When you heal your own attachment wounds, you break the cycle.When you learn how to regulate your nervous system, your kids feel safer with you. Their truth becomes safer with you,so their connection with themselves (and you) becomes stronger.When you create safety in your own emotions, you create safety in your home.This isn’t about being a perfect parent.It’s about becoming the parent your child needs—a regulated, compassionate, and present one.Imagine raising kids who:Trust their emotions instead of fearing them.Know their worth without questioning it.Feel safe to express themselves without shame.Grow up with a secure identity, unburdened by trauma.That’s what happens when you take the time to heal.When you step into this work, everything changes.You stop reacting and start responding. You create relationships that thrive on connection instead of chaos.You model self-worth, resilience, and emotional intelligence.This work isn’t just for your kids—it’s for you.Because you deserve to live in a home that feels like a sanctuary, not a battlefield.And you have the power to make it happen.Your wingman on the adventure.Nima__________________________________________________________________P.S. If this message resonates, and you’re ready to break the cycle and create a home where your children feel safe, secure, and seen, let’s talk.A Blind Spot Call is a 30-minute session designed to help you: Identify how your childhood conditioning is affecting your parenting.Understand why your reactions are impacting your home dynamic—and how to shift them.Gain ...
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    3 mins
  • What Secure Relationships Feel Like

    What Secure Relationships Feel Like
    Jan 9 2025
    It’s sad.Truly sad.Most people wouldn’t recognize a secure relationshipif it showed up with a neon sign saying, “No Drama Here.”Why? Because when all you’ve known is trauma bonds,longing, and anxiety, push and pull,you start mistaking chaos for connection,and secure love will be too uncomfortable,and you’ll push it away.That intensity you feel?The rollercoaster highs and crushing lows?The chase, the drama,the “what did I do wrong now” spiral?You think that’s love.But it’s not.It’s your nervous system reliving old wounds,repeating the only patterns it’s ever known.Here’s what’s interesting:If all you’ve known are relationshipswhere you’re walking on eggshells,bracing for the next fight,or chasing scraps of affection,a secure relationship will feel foreign—maybe even boring.But boring isn’t the problem.It’s your conditioning.If the relationships you grew up watchingwere trauma bonds,if your parents didn’t know how to communicate,if boundaries were nonexistent or weaponized…Then, of course,you wouldn’t recognize what secure love looks like.Your nervous system has been conditioned to equate longing with loveand emotional unavailability with chemistry.So, what happens?You crave the familiar—even if it hurts.You chase the excitement—even if it drains you.You dismiss the calm, healthy connection because it feels foreign—even suspicious.And so, the cycle repeats:You ignore red flags.You cling to people who can’t show up for you.You end up giving more than you’re receiving.Because that’s what you’ve learned to expect from love.But here’s the good news:That’s just conditioning.And conditioning can be rewired.What does a secure relationship even look like?It’s not about perfection. It’s about peace.Here’s how you’ll know:You feel safe to express your needs and feelings.There’s no fear of judgment, punishment, or rejection.You’re not constantly walking on eggshells.Disagreements don’t feel like the end of the world.You both give and receive love freely.Without games, manipulation, or scorekeeping.You can rely on your partner, and they can rely on you.It’s a two-way street, not an uphill battle.Intimacy feels simple—not stressful.Love isn’t a rollercoaster.It’s steady, supportive, and grounding.The truth is, a secure relationshipis like learning a new dance or playing a new instrument.It takes practice, guidance, and a willingness to unlearn old patterns.It’s not your fault you don’t know what secure love looks like.But it is your responsibility to learn if you want to break the cycle.So, let me ask you:Will 2025 be the year you stop venting to your therapistand start mastering the high-level attachment skillsthat make you magnetic to the right partner?Will it be the year you stop mistaking anxiety and longing for loveand start healing the codependency that keeps you stuck?Here’s the promise of secure love:When you heal your attachment woundsand regulate your nervous system,you become Trigger-Proof.You stop mistaking drama for connectionand begin to experience love as steady, grounding, and real.You don’t just learn how to love—you expand your capacity to BE LOVED.This shift doesn’t just change your relationships.It redefines how you see yourself,how you move through the world,and how you create a life that reflects your true worth.Because here’s the truth:It’s heartbreaking to live a life where secure love feels out of reach.But it’s even more heartbreaking to realizeit’s been within your grasp all along.The question you need to ask yourself is“Am I not worthy enough to CLAIM it?"With unwavering belief in your ability to rewrite your story,Your wingman on the adventure,Nima_____________________________________________________________P.S. If this resonates, and you are ready to uncoverwhat you may have been missing,there’s more gold underneathif you’re willing to look.Here’s the thing:If you’ve never experienced a secure relationship,how could you possibly know what it feels like?That’s what a Blind Spot Call is for.We’ll dive deep to uncover:The blind spots keeping you stuck in unhealthy dynamics.Maybe you’re mistaking longing and anxiety for love.Maybe you’re unknowingly pushing people awaywhile yearning for connection.These patterns aren’t your fault—they’re your conditioning.The energy you’re unknowingly putting out.Your attachment style and unspoken fears shape the dynamics you attract.On these calls,I help you see the signals you’re sendingand how they’re keeping you in familiar, painful loops.Practical steps to break the cycle.You’ll leave with clear, actionable insightson what needs to shift to create secure, fulfilling relationships—starting with the relationship you have with yourself.This isn’t about blame.It’s about clarity, accountability, and moving forward.It’s a no-fluff, transformative conversationwhere you’ll receive honest feedback on what’s really ...
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    1 min
  • The One Feeling That Blocks Intimacy And Vulnerability

    The One Feeling That Blocks Intimacy And Vulnerability
    Jan 8 2025
    Vulnerability and intimacy.These are the two things most of us crave in relationships,yet they feel as elusive as trying to catch smoke with your hands.Why?Because of one sneaky little feeling that hijacks our connectionsand blocks our ability to show up authentically:Shame.Shame is the silent saboteur of intimacy.It’s the thing that keeps you from saying what you need,asking for what you want,or setting boundaries without second-guessing yourself for days.Here’s how it plays out:You feel criticized by your partner, and instead of owning your reaction,you deflect it back with a snarky comment.("I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t…”)They say “no” to you, and instead of hearing it as a boundary,you spiral into a story about rejection. (“See? I’m not enough for you.”)You’ve got feedback to give,but you sugarcoat it so much they don’t even realize you’re upset—or worse, you explode because you’ve let it fester.If you can relate to any of this, you’re not alone.Shame isn’t just a feeling.It’s a wrecking ball.It smashes your capacity for vulnerability.It makes intimacy feel like a distant dream.And it’s the reason why every boundary feelslike a personal attack or a rejection.When shame isn’t processed,we treat it like a hot potato.Someone lobs it at us, and instead of holding it,we toss it right back.We get defensive, we gaslight, invalidate,and we blame.The result is pretty devastating.Broken relationships.A long list of “narcissists” you’ve dated.A home that feels like a battlefield,where children are caught in the crossfire.And --a total inability to look in the mirror and ask:“Why am I the perfect person for this dynamic?”This isn’t about victim blaming—so let’s not go there.it’s about UNDERSTANDING.Understanding that shame isn’t your fault.It’s the byproduct of growing up in a worldthat told you your feelings were too much,your needs were an inconvenience,and your worth was conditional upon “performance"But here’s the interesting part:If you don’t learn to process shame from your biology,it will run your life. It will sabotage every relationship you step into,make intimacy impossible,and keep you stuck in patterns you swore you’d break,turning into your parents.After all— that’s where you inherited your message of shame from.(And you’re passing it down unknowingly to the next generationwho’s watching.)Imagine this:You no longer shut down or lash outwhen someone gives you feedback.You can set boundaries without guilt or fear of rejection.You have the capacity to sit with uncomfortable emotionswithout needing to deflect or blame.Vulnerability isn’t scary anymore—it feels like a superpower.This is what happens when you become Trigger-Proof.You stop letting shame run the show.You reclaim the agency you lost as a child.And for the first time,you experience intimacy that feels safe and real.My invitation is for you to not see 2025 as “just another year”.It’s your opportunity to break the cycle.To stop chasing love and start embodying it.To stop blaming and start building.To stop running and finally come home—to yourself.You CAN do this.You simply have to decide that you deserve it.Your wingman on the adventure,Nima_______________________________________________________________________________P.S. If this hit home,I’m guessing you’re no stranger to the patterns we’ve talked about—the overthinking, the second-guessing, the blaming (them, yourself, or both).But here’s the thing: you don’t have to stay stuck here.If you’re curious and willing to hear feedback,I’m offering an Intuitive Blind Spot Sessionto help you make sense of the chaos and find your way out.Here’s what we’ll do together:Uncover the hidden patterns that have been sabotaging your relationships.Shine a light on how shame and unresolved wounds are running the show.Map out clear, practical steps to turn your triggersinto the transformation you’ve been searching for.This isn’t talk therapy.It’s a 30-minute breakthrough—a safe space to explore the real reasonswhy you’re stuck and a powerful first step toward breaking free.Normally $497, this session is free for those who qualify.Here’s how to get started:Comment or DM with your story—what’s the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationships?Share what you’ve tried, what worked so far and where you want to be.End your reply with: “Nima, can I have your private calendar link?”Let’s make 2025 the year you finally stop spinning in circlesand start creating the love and connection you deserve.Your guide in breaking the cycle,Nima
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    2 mins
  • The Root Of Relationship Breakdowns

    The Root Of Relationship Breakdowns
    Jan 7 2025
    If you’re paying attention, relationship breakdowns will follow a specific pattern.The same conflict. The same arguments. The same heartbreak.Whether it’s your marriage, your dating life, or even the way you show up for your friends, these breakdowns carry a familiar sting:Feeling like you give too much and get nothing in return.Wondering if you’re "too much" or "not enough."Overthinking every interaction until your mind feels like it’s on a hamster wheel, never stopping.And if you are anything like I was, here’s the hardest part to admit:Deep down, you’re terrified of ending up alone.To end this temporary existence (sorry but it’s true),never having experienced love that feels safe.I was there so I can empathize.And what sucks is that fear keeps you in the same painful cycles.You keep shrinking. You keep giving. You keep trying harder.You keep waiting.But no matter what you do, it feels like your relationships aren’t on a firm, stable groundWhy?Because these relationship challenges didn’t start with your partner, or your ex, or even the people in your life right now.They started long before that.They began in the modeling you absorbed as a child.Did your parents avoid conflict at all costs, pretending everything was “fine” until it wasn’t?Did they lash out, leaving you feeling like love was tied to being perfect—or invisible?Or maybe they handled everything behind closed doors, leaving you clueless about what healthy conflict resolution even looks like.Fast-forward to today, and it’s no wonder:Conflict feels like a threat to your very existence.You suppress your feelings and stay silent, hoping to avoid a blow-up.Or, when things feel too much, you push people away, convinced it’s safer to keep your guard up.And the result of all of this avoidance:An inner conflict that eats at you every day.Because when you suppress your truth, you abandon yourself.And that self-abandonment comes with a heavy cost:Relationships where you’re walking on eggshells, hoping they’ll choose you, but resenting them at the same time.A deep, gnawing lonelinesseven when you’re in the same bed with someone.Feeling stuck in insecure relationships that drain your energy but feel impossible to leave.Health issues—like anxiety, burnout, and even physical symptoms—because your nervous system has been in survival mode for decades.And here’s the interesting part:You know something is off, but you don’t know how to fix it.Therapy didn’t get to the root.Self-help books just gave you more “to-dos” that you couldn’t stick to.And quick-fix programs only left you more frustrated and ashamed.You’ve been taught to think the problem is you. That you’re “too sensitive” or “too demanding.”But that’s a lie.The truth is— these cycles aren’t your fault. They’re a byproduct of what you were taught—or not taught—about codependency, conflict resolution, and secure attachment.So, how do you break the cycle?By realizing that healing isn’t about fixing the surface issues in your relationships.It’s about going back to the source:Acknowledging the ways your early environment shaped your patterns.Rebuilding your relationship with yourself so you can show up authentically.Learning how to handle conflict in a way that deepens connection instead of destroying it.When you take the time to heal this, everything changes:You stop chasing people who can’t meet your needs.You stop walking on eggshells, terrified of rocking the boat.You create relationships that feel safe, secure, and authentic.And here’s the truth (and you know it):It’s not about finding the perfect partner.It’s about becoming the version of youwho doesn’t need to chase, fix, or beg for love.The one who knows that healthy love isn’t a battlefield—it’s a sanctuary.The one who doesn’t crumble in the face of conflict but stands rooted in their truth.The one who doesn’t just survive relationships but thrives in connection.This isn’t a dream—it’s a decision.And the process begins with one bold move:Choosing to stop running from yourself.So let me ask you—are you ready to break the cycleof chaos, codependency, and self-abandonment once and for all?If your answer is yes, then congratulations—you’re stepping into the identity of a Cyclebreaker.And trust me, the world needs more people like you.Your wingman on the adventure,Nima___________________________________________________P.S. If this message lands for you, and you are ready to stop the chaos and start breaking the cycle,I offer an intuitive Blind Spot Reading designed to expose the patterns keeping you stuck in cycles of relationship breakdowns, codependency, and self-abandonment.Here’s what we’ll uncover together:The hidden dynamics driving your relationships off course—and why you keep ending up in the same frustrating loops.Why conflict resolution feels impossible and how unresolved patterns from your past ...
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    2 mins
  • It’s Not Depression It’s Something Else

    It’s Not Depression It’s Something Else
    Dec 19 2024

    When you’re in dorsal vagal shutdown,
    your thoughts turn dark.

    • “What’s the point?”
    • “I’ll never get it right.”
    • “Nobody wants me anyway.”
    • “I’ll reject myself before they can do it.”

    It’s a quiet war that nobody sees.

    You isolate not because you want to—
    but because it feels safer.

    Safer to abandon yourself first…
    before someone else does.

    Safer to stay numb…
    than to face the shame, anger,
    and grief buried underneath.

    Safer to believe the inner critic who whispers,
    “You’re broken. You’re unlovable.
    You’re not enough.”

    You see, dorsal vagal shutdown isn’t just numbness.
    It’s a covert form of self-protection.

    Self-hatred becomes your shield.

    You reject yourself to feel in control of the rejection.

    How heartbreaking is that?

    And yet, it makes sense.

    Your nervous system is protecting you
    in the only way it knows how:

    By shutting down. By disconnecting.

    But there’s another way.

    Here, I share a video snippet from the Overview Experience
    breaking this all down:

    IT’S NOT DEPRESSION.
    (The invitation is to stop talking about yourself
    in ways that judge your protective states)

    It’s dorsal vagal shutdown—
    remember— your body’s attempt to PROTECT you
    from feeling what’s really happening underneath:

    • The grief of wasted years not living authentically.
    • The shame of choosing partners who “feel safe/familiar”
    but aren’t true matches.
    • The fear of abandonment that runs so deep,
    you choose self-abandonment first.

    And it all ties back to attachment wounds you haven’t yet resolved.

    It’s mind-blowing when you see how your nervous system,
    your relationships, and your inner critic are all connected.

    When you tie it together and become Trigger-Proof,
    something shifts.

    The shame softens.
    The inner critic calms down.
    And you start to feel… lighter.

    That’s what happened with Andrea when we uncovered this.
    Two days after our blind spot call, she sent me this:

    This shift can happen for you too.

    Because you can heal.

    You can learn to feel what you’ve been avoiding.
    You can reconnect to yourself—
    your truth, your power, and your ability to choose.

    It starts with a single moment of clarity.

    Next, you’ll be summoned to choose:

    to stop avoiding, to stop numbing, and to face what’s really there.

    It’s not depression: It’s protection.

    It’s not weakness.

    It’s courageous to admit, and face head on.

    And on the other side of that courage?

    Freedom.

    Your wingman on the adventure,

    Nima
    ______________________________________

    P.S. If you can relate to this email—
    if you’re noticing you’ve been in a dorsal vagal state,
    and you know it’s connected to attachment wounds—
    tell me your story— including the relevant relational dynamics.

    I’m listening.

    Share your backstory with me:

    • Where are you stuck?
    • What therapies or approaches have you tried to resolve it?
    - What kind of work do you do?

    I’ll see how well you follow instructions,
    and if I can help you,

    I’ll send you my private calendar link for a blind spot call—normally $497,
    but free for those who are ready.

    It’s an opportunity to get honest,
    critical feedback that isn’t sugarcoated but is delivered with compassion.

    If this is resonating with you,
    simply reply with all of the above, finishing with:
    “Nima, will you please send me your calendar link?”

    Let’s uncover what’s been holding you back.
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    2 mins
  • Choosing The Right Guide To Help You With Masculine Feminine Dynamics

    Choosing The Right Guide To Help You With Masculine Feminine Dynamics
    Dec 12 2024
    When I first started learning about polarity in relationships, it sounded like the magic bullet.Masculine. Feminine.Polarity equals attraction, right?Except, what if your relationship feels more like “push-pull” chaos than magnetic connection?What if you find yourself overthinking every interaction, walking on eggshells,or pretending to be someone you’re not just to keep the peace?Here’s the truth no one tells you:Polarity communication without emotional integration will keep you stuck.You can learn all the scripts and strategies for “leaning back” or “leading,”but if your attachment wounds and unconscious patterns are running the show,you’ll keep sabotaging the very connection you want.And here’s the kicker:If the person teaching you hasn’t lived it themselves, it’s not going to work.You can’t teach polarity from a place of disconnection.If they aren’t in a relationship built on trust, safety, and magnetism—especially after they have had children together--what are they modeling for you?The people you follow must EMBODY the work.I’ve lived this. I used to teach from a dis-embodied place.It was a disaster.I had to learn the hard way.Now things are completely different. My wife and I don’t just “cohabitate” as roommates.We’ve created a sanctuary of connection, desire, and shared vision—not by chasing or fawning, but by building secure attachment and emotional safety.We tell it like it is, and can handle each other telling it like it is.If you want a secure, magnetic relationship, you need more than theory.You need someone who’s walked the path.Take Amy, for example.At 43, she was in a relationship that felt like a constant loop of reactivity.She wore the mask of people-pleasing so reflexively she didn’t even realize it anymore.She desperately wanted her partner to see her—but the thought of truly being seen terrified her.She found herself thinking:“If they really see me, they’ll realize I’m not enough.”So she stayed behind her mask. She avoided the hard conversations.She fawned, abandoned her own needs, and let resentment build.Meanwhile, her partner, who carried his own childhood wounds,picked up on her inauthenticity and felt unsafe.Their dynamic became a volatile cycle of triggers and disconnection.Does any of this sound familiar?Maybe you:• Struggle to set boundaries without feeling overwhelming guilt.• Say “yes” when your entire body screams “no,” only to feel resentful later.• Find yourself clinging to a partner’s attention, only to push them away in moments of closeness.• Feel unseen and unimportant, yet afraid to let anyone see the real you.• Constantly overthink interactions, spiraling into self-doubt and anxiety.• Feel disconnected from your kids, your partner, and even yourself.• Long for intimacy but fear rejection, so you keep people at arm’s length.These patterns don’t just cost you your relationships.Zero emotional safety— zero attraction and magnetism.They drain your energy, your self-worth, and your happiness.They leave you feeling stuck in the same loop, year after year,wondering why no matter how much you try, nothing changes.It’s not your fault.But it is your responsibility to change it.And here’s the good news:Just like these patterns didn’t start overnight, they don’t have to define the rest of your life.The very fact that you’re reading this means you’re already searching for change.You’re here because you don’t just want to cope with your relationships.You want to transform them.And the truth is, you don’t have to stay stuck in the loop.When you heal the attachment wounds driving your patterns,when you learn to feel safe in your body,and when you develop the emotional fitness to hold boundaries with grace—everything changes.This isn’t about following the latest polarity trend or “leaning back” in relationships.It’s about becoming the kind of person who radiates security, confidence, and self-respect.The kind of person who no longer needs to chase love—because they naturally attract it.When you find the right guide—someone who’s walked this path and lives what they teach—you gain more than tools.You gain confidence that it’s possible.You stop doubting whether you’re too broken to change.You stop wondering if love is out of reach for you.You realize you’re capable of creating secure, magnetic, deeply fulfilling relationships—the kind that feel like sanctuary, not struggle.The magnetism is already there. You have it all within you already.You deserve to allow it to emerge.Your wingman on the adventure,Nima______________________________________________________________________________________________________P.S. READY FOR A BREAKTHROUGH?The patterns keeping you stuck aren’t always obvious.They’re often hiding in plain sight, repeating themselves in your relationships, career, and even how you treat yourself.Breaking free starts ...
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