In this episode, Bri and Annie talk about the consequences of the 2024 US Presidential Election on family Thanksgiving and holiday dinner plans. Whether families are planning to spend the day together and try not to talk about politics at all, or are finding themselves in the midst of rupture and canceled plans, there are feelings to sort through and ways to make the day easier for everyone.

Bri and Annie discuss the potential grief of family estrangement; how to keep things polite and positive if there are guests at the table who don't share political views; and strategies for keeping the tension low at a very difficult time. They offer examples to help families plan new and different celebrations if they're not joining the traditional Thanksgiving table this year, and ideas for managing compromise if you're a "small-dose" family or want to see some people, but not others. They talk about navigating hurt feelings, canceled invitations, and setting ground rules for your own celebrations. The episode ends with suggestions for choosing foods this year -- will you go traditional or unique? -- as well as games and conversation resources that could help keep the peace, like Holiday Would You Rather?, The Hat Game, a Thanksgiving Storytelling prompt, and questions about resilience that may resonate this year.

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We talk a lot about the positive aspects of family meals, but in reality, eating dinner together isn't always the safe, warm experience we want it to be. For many people, trauma is an unwelcome guest at the table. To find out why that might be, and how to make dinner feel safer, Bri and Annie talk with therapist, author, and trauma expert Dr. Marti Straus.

Marti begins by explaining that trauma is a response to stressful experiences, not a single event. She distinguishes between what she calls "Big T trauma" and "little t trauma," or a specific very upsetting event (such as a car accident or assault) vs. a series of possibly less noticeable, repeated stressful events over time (such as bullying at school, neglect, often going hungry, etc). Marti stresses that these repeated "little t traumas" can add up to developmental trauma in children, which can then also be compounded by mealtimes where the caregiver who is supposed to provide for the child may be unpredictable, unreliable, or even dangerous.

Marti and Annie both agree, in their roles as therapists, that mealtimes can be especially complex for children with developmental trauma because of the mixed signals -- the conflict between dinner as an inherently nurturing activity, and a parent or caregiver who is not behaving in nurturing ways. The stress of that situation, they say, can follow people into adulthood and make it difficult for parents with their own traumatic histories at dinner to create a safe and welcoming mealtime routine for their own kids. Both share examples and solutions from their own therapy practices with families to help make meals more comfortable and safe for everyone.

Bri also asks Marti for insight into how neurodivergence intersects with trauma at the table. Marti explains that often, the demands of family meals can be harmful or traumatic to a neurodivergent child who is being expected to behave in a more "typical" way. Lack of responsiveness to the child's sensory and behavioral needs can cause developmental trauma. She explains how parents can envision the kind of relationship they want to nurture with their children at the table, and how to co-regulate for more positive meals.

The trio end on recommendations for food, fun, and conversation: Bri suggests a mac and cheese bar to make a familiar comfort food more interesting and varied for the whole family, while Marti offers a quick and easy activity to help transition to the table without anxiety. Annie finishes the episode by encouraging families to talk about what makes us feel comfortable and safe.

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Bri and Annie dive into the difficulties of domestic labor -- who's doing what, who bears the brunt of making family dinners happen, and what can be done about uneven distributions of labor in our households.

Taking on the cultural criticism of family meals as anti-feminist, Annie points out that the role of The Family Dinner Project has always been to try to encourage people not to create perfect, retro-style family meals that require women to spend hours in the kitchen doing all the work. Instead, the goal is to create meaningful and joyful experiences where everyone contributes, and we work towards building families where the kids will grow up with the ability to take ownership of dinner-related tasks -- regardless of gender and outdated expectations.

Bri remembers speaking with fatherhood expert Dr. Anthony Chambers about the shifting roles of men in two-parent households, and she and Annie discuss whether there is a new trend towards men sharing the load. They agree that while the face of domestic labor has changed, and men are definitely contributing more than in generations past, there's still a lot of ground to cover on the invisible labor front. Annie shares thoughts on how couples might navigate discussions around more equitable division of household chores, while Bri points out that help can be found in many places -- kids, friends, neighbors, and creating a broader "village."

They finish the episode by recommending listeners check out this list of "no-fail" dinner ideas that can be delegated to other members of the household; these grocery store scavenger hunts for both younger kids and teenagers; and the graphic on their site, with helpful prompts for couples who want to plan for a more egalitarian household routine.

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