There's white powder everywhere and Tim Allen is in a lot of trouble! What is this, an airport in the seventies?!

No. It's a seemingly lightweight Christmas movie that neither of us had ever seen, which turns out to be more depressing than watching a reindeer choke on a lump of coal.

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Tim Allen was a drug smuggler: https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/tim-allen-arrested-smuggling-cocaine/

Two hugely popular stars in a festive buddy romp?! How can this be anything less than "alright as something to stick on over Christmas," without ever exceeding that exact level of quality?!

We take a look at 'Red One', a film that's... fine.

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Variety article that mentions how Sony weren't actually banned from using Spider-Man in their Spider-Man-less Spider-movies: https://variety.com/2024/film/news/kraven-sony-marvel-movies-not-dead-1236249221/

As 'Hot Frosty' turned out to be a lot better than it had any right to be, we moved straight on to 'Madame Web.' How bad could it be?

Bad enough that it taints everything even tangentially related to spiders. Ziggy Stardust is a worse album because this film exists. You will no longer want to see things on the web because this film exists. Dakota Johnson is... No, alright, she seems like she was always awful.

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Get ready to feel the burn! ...Is absolutely not the tagline for this film. Although it should have been. Divisive, weird and a clash of social classes, our podcast is all of those things this week as we look at Emerald Fennell's controversial, homoerotic, twisty, semi-satirical, possibly plagiarised film Saltburn.

SHOW NOTES:

Broey Deschanel's video essay 'The Untalented Mr Ripley'

Robot mushrooms; be afraid

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An update on where we've been, what we've been watching, and our thoughts on a movie that has been called "horrible" and "the worst movie ever made" by the people who were in it. In a year where Dean Cain released six films, that CAN'T be true...

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Director Jan de Bont, having exhausted all his pacing directing "Speed," delivers a grindingly slow haunted house movie based off someone mostly remembering having once read the back cover of Shirley Jackson's novel. Catherine Zeta Jones looks fantastic, Owen Wilson looks confused, and everyone involved should look embarrassed. **Contains spoilers for The Haunting of Hill House novel**

SHOW NOTES:

Just watch the 1963 movie

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If you go down to the woods today, you'd better bring a tripod. Or at least someone who can hold a camera steady. Nobody told the three student film makers who were rumoured to have disappeared in the woods...

Luke and Bea disagree - which might have been a better show title - on the merits of the iconic found footage horror film, rounding out our series on the films of 1999. SHOW NOTES:

A couple of times we refer to 'Cinema vérité' but totally forget to explain it. Essentially it's the idea of 'fly on the wall' like the camera is just observing reality. Here's a proper explainer "What is Cinema Vérité?"

Some modern found footage horrors we love -

Cam

Unfriended

Late Night With the Devil

Webcast

Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows the most intensely 2000s thing ever

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A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... people thought this film would actually be good. It wasn't! George Lucas returned to the beloved science fiction saga that made his name and fortune for a prequel that has since become a byword for awful. We slogged through this absolute chore of a space opera, even though we hated it. And if hate leads to the Dark Side, sign us up, because it HAS to be more fun than this.

Thoughts, requests, detailed pie charts on how we're wrong? Email us at Artsholepodcast@gmail.com or find Bea on Instagram @Bea_roberts_writer

SHOW NOTES:

Day of the Dolphin

That infamous Folger's coffee ad

Why we were shouting "Pork Markets!"

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