The last weekend I spent with Sam was two years ago, just two weeks before his body was discovered in a field. I keep thinking about how I should have been able to use that weekend to make a difference in his life.

In this episode, I discuss how the memories of our last time together cause me to ruminate on unhelpful thoughts and why I believe that the anniversary of last communications with a deceased one feel so vulnerable.

I will also talk about 6 ideas, based on facts and realities, that I try to come back to as I keep myself in check and also support myself during this time.

I would like to think that one day should not have power over another but consciously and unconsciously, these anniversaries can be very challenging to get through.

We don't often talk about how scary the idea of healing from the loss of a child can feel. It feels wrong to accept the impossible and like a betrayal towards our son or daughter if we even conceive of a life after them. One of the hardest task a bereaved parent will ever be tasked with is the decision to keep living.

In this episode, I discuss my own difficult feelings towards healing after Sam's death, why it feels so scary, and how the past two years have changed my perspective regarding the connection I continue to have with my son to this day.

Thank you for stopping by.

After losing Sam, I often struggle with apathy in daily life. The question is, how can I wake up each day excited and motivated to get the most out of life? How can I use this motivation to jump out of bed and start my day?

The answer is, I can't. My brain doesn't work that way. What does register and send a chill down my spine, however, is the idea of getting to the end of my life with the realization that I never fully lived again after Sam died. A catastrophic two for one loss. One overdose, two deaths, Sam's and mine. A regret that would be too late for me to undo.

In this brief episode, I discuss how I want to look back on myself, as a much older woman, and why I think this can be an important part of our healing.