This episode of Parenting Understood features Dr. Robyn Koslowitz, author of the upcoming book "Post Traumatic Parenting". Dr. Koslowitz, an expert in child development and trauma, discusses the often-overlooked impact of past trauma on parenting. Robyn explains how common coping mechanisms developed in childhood, like people-pleasing, dissociation, and perfectionism, can become obstacles in parenting. These ingrained responses, once helpful, can lead to stress, anger, and disengagement when raising children. Dr. Koslowitz identifies five distinct "post traumatic parenting types". She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and recognizing these patterns. By acknowledging their trauma and its influence, parents can begin to heal and break the cycle. Dr. Koslowitz shares practical strategies like journaling, inner child work, and personifying emotions to manage triggers and respond more effectively to challenging situations. The conversation highlights the potential for parenting to be a catalyst for personal growth and healing. By confronting their own past traumas, parents can develop healthier coping mechanisms and create a more positive environment for their children.

Find Dr. Koslowitz:

• Book: "Post Traumatic Parenting" (available for pre-order)

• Podcast & YouTube: Post Traumatic Parenting

• Instagram: @doctorKoslowitzpsychology

This episode of Parenting Understood explores the crucial topic of emotional regulation for both parents and children. Dr. Cindy Hovington, a neuroscientist and parenting expert, explains that emotional regulation is about responding thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. She emphasizes that parents' emotional states deeply impact their children, highlighting the importance of modeling healthy emotional responses. The discussion delves into the difference between suppression and true calm, advocating for cognitive reappraisal as a tool to manage emotions effectively. Practical advice includes daily reflection to identify emotional patterns and revisiting challenging situations with children to foster their understanding and growth. Hovington also encourages parents to embrace their own emotional journeys and create a supportive environment for their children to develop essential emotional regulation skills.

In episode 145, Erin and Michelle delve into the concepts of attachment and self-regulation, highlighting their significance in parenting and child development. The hosts discuss how attachment forms a secure base, allowing children to regulate stress and explore their environment. Attachment theory categorizes relationships as either secure, which supports effective self-regulation, or insecure, where stress regulation can be more challenging. Brain research reveals that secure attachments foster more integrated neural activity between the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex, which is crucial for emotional regulation.

The conversation touches on the potential effects of having mixed attachment styles with different caregivers and how secure attachments can mitigate the impact of insecure ones. As children grow, they develop social referencing skills, using their caregivers to navigate and interpret social and emotional contexts. Co-regulation—where caregivers model emotional regulation and validate children’s emotions—is emphasized as a key supportive strategy. Emotional awareness and using natural, age-appropriate language to describe emotions help children understand and articulate their feelings. Practical techniques like deep breathing are also explored as essential tools to support self-regulation, even if results take time and consistency.