Episodes

  • "Generational Well-What?

    "Generational Well-What?
    Aug 29 2022
    0:08   Welcome to the life against the grain podcast. I'm your host, Nikki Marie, a wife, mother, mental health advocate, and generational wellness coach. If you aren't ready to redesign your life according to your desires and your morals, but you feel trapped by the constraints of society and inherited beliefs, then you are in the right place. I want this podcast to serve as a safe space to explore, evaluate and envision your own blueprint for life. So let's get into it. 1:02   hello, hello, hello. Come on in, take off your shoes, relax and stay at while I'm your host, Nikki Marie and today is going to be a little different. We will be diving into what a generational wellness coach is and how I can help you in today's episode, generational wetness. 1:21   As you've already heard, I am a generational wellness coach. And what that means is my role as a generational Wellness Coach is to help people uncover limiting beliefs and things that they learned over the course of their lives, from family or society that are keeping them stuck, then to show them how to implement healthier habits. So they can live the life that they want to pass on to future generations and help past generations heal from an example of these limiting beliefs or things that we learned throughout our lives from family and society. 2:02   Take a woman as an example, that wants to become the top person in a field that's filled with men, but decides not to go for it decides not to try. Because all her life, she heard women are meant to do this certain thing, or women are not supposed to show up in this space. So that would be something that has been inherited a value that has been inherited from previous generations in society, that they no longer work for us now in society, and may have applied before. But Today's a new day, and things are different. And her limiting belief was passed on from her previous generation. And now it's affecting her current generation. And then by that she's going to go ahead and pass on that same belief, that same feel to a future generation. Therefore, repeating the cycle over and over again and never breaking it. And I'm here to help people identify that cycle, take what works for them, and keep it and take what doesn't work for them and does not apply and let it go. It's okay to let go ideas that people are telling you that have been here before you if they do not serve you if they do not have any application to your life. And if you don't believe it, it's okay to not believe in the same thing that somebody else believes him. Because you are the one who gets to live your life. And you're the one who lives your decisions. So no one else can tell you, your life is supposed to look like this. They can advise you like, Hey, I did this. This is what I went through. This is the feelings I had. And this was the outcome. And if that whole process works for you, and it leads you to exactly where you want to be, then go for it. If it does not, then you need to stop, reevaluate and create your plan. This topic is very important to me. Because not only am I a woman trying to make my own mark on this world, I am a mother. I'm a mother of three children, one of which is a girl. And I do not want her believing that she has to be limited because of what other people say what other people think what society is trying to lie to her about. I want to be that example. I want to implement better habits for her and for my son's so that they could create an even better life than the ones they have now. 4:39   And one of my own personal generational beliefs that I used to believe and that I'm worked through and realized that it wasn't true and it was actually hurting my life is crying or vulnerability was a weakness. 4:54   Guys, I'm a Puerto Rican woman from Brooklyn, New York. 5:00   So being soft in that environment made you a target being vulnerable, being emotional made you a walking target. So you had to keep a tough exterior. And an I don't give a fuck attitude in order to survive through the day in order to not have people come at you in order to feel good by the end of that day and feel strong. Even until today, when I'm hurt Emotionally, I get angry, and I want to break things. Crying is not the first thing that comes into my mind, because I have been conditioned to not show weakness. I've been conditioned, that even though I'm a girl, that that's not what I should be doing, I should get over it, I should just keep moving, I should not let things bother me. That's what was taught to me. And with those mindsets, and those lessons that I was learning throughout life, it made me create walls between me and other people or opportunities that I wanted to go for. Because I didn't want to look weak, or I didn't want to look a certain type of way, I didn't want to become a target. So I would stop myself, because of everything around me told me not to believe in that situation for myself. But as I grew up, I was seeing ...
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    23 mins
  • "I'm not showing off, I'm showing up!"

    "I'm not showing off, I'm showing up!"
    Aug 22 2022
    Welcome to the life against the grain podcast. I'm your host, Nikki Marie, a wife, mother, mental health advocate, and generational wellness coach. If you are ready to redesign your life according to your desires and your morals, but you feel trapped by the constraints of society and inherited beliefs, then you are in the right place. I want this podcast to serve as a safe space to explore, evaluate and envision your own blueprint for life. So let's get into it hello, hello, hello. Come on in, take off your jacket, put up your feet and stay a while. I'm your host, Nikki Marie and today we're going to be diving into something that hits close to home. And I'm still learning to work through. It's allowing yourself to shine guilt free. In today's episode, I'm not showing off. I'm showing up. Hey, guys, so this topic hits very close to home because ever since I was young, I've been creative. I've been social. I've been inquisitive, nosy. I've been all over I like to get into things. And it didn't always. It wasn't always welcome from others. And looking back now I can understand, from an outside perspective outsider's perspective, why they might have been reacting that way. But in the moment, I was just feeling down or thinking that there was something wrong with me. I was always told I was showing off when I wanted to sing when people thought I was being a quote unquote, teacher's pet. And because I was able to adapt to many different situations, I was able to just roll with the punches, and not let it affect my mood in a way that it would affect others. When I was younger, I used to be in a choir in the school choir. I loved every moment of it, because like I said, I love to sing. And for me, it's not even just performing and having people look at me because I'm actually nervous when it comes to that. But I just love singing I love music. I love anything. I love listening to other people sing. I just love music a lot. So I used to hum and and sing here and there. I even sometimes when I'm standing online, I'll sing to myself low and not noticing that other people are hearing me and then when somebody does hear me like, Oh, hey, you were singing. That was nice. I usually say thank you, but then I clam up and I'm like, holy crap, I have to stop singing. Like, I get really nervous about the person realizing that I was singing, I just wanted to say, but when I was in school, I used to have classmates and other choir mates jealous. And they used to be a little snotty at times. I had choir mates that used to tell me not to audition for stuff, because they wanted to have a chance like that they thought the teacher wouldn't pick them if I auditioned. And that honestly wasn't true. Other people had solos when I was a part of the choir. But me shining in that way. made someone else feel insignificant made someone else feel insecure. And it's not my job to make them feel that way. And it's not my job to like, hide myself because it feels weird to them. And why do we teach each other that it's okay to back down to dull ourselves and who we are so that someone else can shine. We have people shining together all over the place. There's nowhere that says Only one person can shine at a time and that that makes another person less than. So we really need to help encourage each other to learn from one another. Instead of wrapping these anchors of insecurities that we have about ourselves around other people's ankles and dragging them down into our own mess into our own negative thoughts. We have to stop telling other people to stop shining because it hurts our eyes. We need to get it together. We need to put our sunglasses on and learn how to shine too. It's not exclusive to one person, we could all get it done, you just have to do the work, you just have to show up and get the work done. I always used to be called a teacher's pet as well. And it honestly didn't even bother me. I didn't care that people were calling me a teacher's pet. But it's just another example of you trying to shine. And other people are uncomfortable with it from their own experiences and insecurities within themselves. So they pick at you and they want you to stop it. I was always a teacher's pet because I was friendly, and was friendly with the teachers, especially if it's a teacher that I liked. Why would I not be friendly? And that friendliness and being able to answer questions because I'm kind of a nerd. So I would always, I would always do my work, I was the kid that like to do extra credit, for no reason. Sometimes I gave myself extra credit to give. And that had nothing to do with the teacher, it had nothing to do with me trying to show the teacher something or make the teacher feel some type of boy, I just really enjoy learning, I enjoy sharing what I've learned, and I get excited about it. So I don't mind doing more work about when it comes to something that I'm passionate about, or that I'm excited about. And people really didn't like me ...
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    22 mins
  • What Respect?! Respect This Bish!

    What Respect?! Respect This Bish!
    Aug 15 2022
    0:00   Unfortunately, we've been, we've been victimized by "respect", way too long. We've been victimized by this word, "respect", which is actually not what they're using it for, I don't think. I don't think it means what they think it means. 0:11   Welcome to the life against the green podcast. I'm your host, Nikki Marie, a wife, mother, mental health advocate, and generational wellness coach, 0:35   if you are ready to redesign your life according to your desires and your morals, but you feel trapped by the constraints of society and inherited beliefs, then you are in the right place. I want this podcast to serve as a safe space to explore, evaluate and envision your own blueprint for life. So let's get into it... 1:13   Hello, hello, hello. Come on in, take off your jacket and stay a while. I'm your host, Nikki Marie, and today we will be diving into a classic. It's an oldie but goodie, Respecting Your Elders. In today's episode, What Respect? Respect this Bish! I could understand how we came to that conclusion of respecting your elders, because you don't want to disrespect someone's knowledge and experience that have came before you, and are here to try and help you learn so that you can grow, right? That is a perfect example of where respecting your elders should come into play. But unfortunately, most people do not use the "Respect your elders" as a thing, because they want to make sure they're getting respect the same way they're giving it. In my experience, I've heard the term "Respect your elders", when I questioned something that I didn't feel was right for me. But somebody else was telling me to do it and since they were older, I had to "respect them". I also had those moments where an older person was there berrating and disrespecting me. And if I stood up for myself, I was told, respect your elders. And I'm here to tell you guys, you already know you're ready. Now. Fuck that noise. All right. The idea of respect is you give what you get. You don't have to be disrespectful and crazy, but you will give respect when it's given to you. Respect is not an automatic thing Respect is earned. And in a split second, you can lose that respect. So on both parties, it's important. It's super important to respect on both ways. If you don't want someone to come and treat you this way make you feel this way, then why are you projecting that onto others. So respect, in my eyes, is something that you give when it's given to you. Not something that can be used by someone else who wants to control things in their life. And they're using it to oppress you. To oppress your intuitiveness to oppress your questioning, to oppress the way that you protect yourself. Unfortunately, we've been, we've been victimized, by respect, way too long, we've been victimized by this word, respect, which is actually not what they're using it for, I don't think I don't think it means what they think it means. So to say it loud and clear. Again, my number one biggest belief about respect is that you will get it when you give it other people pressuring you into stuff that you don't want to do is not them giving you respect, therefore, your respect is not required. And there's going to be a lot of Mad people listening to this podcast, especially people who have children. And they're going to be like "what what do you mean? My kids have to respect me I fully understand that. Definitely teach them to be respectful humans in society, but also teach them to keep themselves safe because not everybody's intention is meant to help their lives. Sometimes the intention is just to get somebody to do what they want. And in the name of respect, it's happened way too much. 5:00   In life, and we need to change it. We don't have to start disrespecting people, we just need to let people know that in order to vibe with me on the right plane in order to connect with me and to keep that connection, I need to know that I'm safe with you, my mental state is safe with you, my, my physical body is safe with you, my thoughts, my feelings, that everything is safe with you, just like you would want it back in return. And that's what we should strive for when we are teaching about respect. Another thing that I believe about respect wholeheartedly, is that you need to respect yourself. First, you need to respect yourself worth how you feel about yourself, what you allow from others. And you also have to respect what you believe in. If other people are trying to deter you from what your you believe. And inside your body, you know that that is not, that is absolutely not how you feel and it doesn't feel right. It is okay to question it. And no, that is not disrespectful. That is self preservation. And that's you owning your worth, because you're not going to step into something that can harm you. Because you're worth more than that. And my biggest thing that I want everybody to know is I'm not telling you to go out there and become hella disrespectful with ...
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    18 mins
  • "I'm so ENOUGH it's disgusting!"

    "I'm so ENOUGH it's disgusting!"
    Aug 7 2022
    0:08   Welcome to the life against the green podcast. I'm your host, Nikki Marie, a wife, mother, mental health advocate, and generational wellness coach, if you aren't ready to redesign your life according to your desires and your morals, but you feel trapped by the constraints of society and inherited beliefs, then you are in the right place. I want this podcast to serve as a safe space to explore, evaluate and envision your own blueprint for life. So let's get into 0:44   Hello, hello, hello. Come on in, take your jacket off and stay a while. I'm your host, Nikki Marie, and today we will be diving into self worth. And specifically being enough in today's episode. I am so enough. It's disgusting. me as a woman, I know that I've always questioned my worthiness for many different reasons. And now in my 30s is when I'm realizing I get to say, if I'm enough, I grew out of needing to be enough for other people or for other things. Am I enough for me? Is the question I asked myself every day. So if you also ask yourself that question, I want you to say this with me. I am enough. No, no, no, no, no. You're said a little too quiet. I need you to say with the chips. Repeat after me. I am enough. There we go. I bet you that feels so much better now that you're already telling yourself that you're enough. Today I want to go over reasons why we would think we're not enough. What has happened to us that maybe makes us think Oh man, I'm not enough for this. I'm not enough for that. I'm not worthy of getting these things because of XYZ. Reason number one, you are trying to meet someone else's expectations. Example. You did something for someone. And instead of praising what you've done, they point out what you haven't done. As a child, I know I've experienced these moments. And I don't blame my mother or anything like that. She was a mother getting through the day, making sure everything was done. But I I collected a thought of unworthiness, from moments like the one I'm about to share. When I was young, my mom had moved to a new apartment, and I stood with my father during the summer. when school started, I went back to the house with my mother. I was so excited to be there that I decided I wanted to clean the bathroom. I went inside the bathroom, I'm about maybe 10 years old, I'm in fifth grade. So I'm so excited to clean the bathroom, show her what I got. And I'm on my hands and knees, Ajax scrubbing inside that tub, I'm wiping the walls, I'm doing all kinds of stuff. I was super, super proud about the job that I just accomplished, which I should have been. And when my mother came into check my work, my heart sunk. Like I said, again, I don't blame her these, these are just moments that happen. And moments like these are where we start to build our beliefs on. But we don't have to believe what those moments are telling us. But in that moment, she looked around in the bathroom and said, Oh, you forgot to pick up that towel. And you didn't move that. And my whole excitement just dropped because of my excitement for the scrub clean toilet, the sparkling clean tub. It all went out the window because I didn't measure up to something that someone else expected of me. And that's a perfect example of trying to meet someone else's expectations. But when you don't meet their expectations, you believe you are enough. You are not worthy of more. When that's not the case. It's just they were expecting something and you delivered what you give and that is fine. Number two, having unrealistic expectations of yourself, like setting a huge goal in an unrealistic timeframe and then getting so frustrated with yourself, because you didn't make it. So way back in 2010, after I had my third child, I was home with my kids. And I needed something I needed something to do. Outside of being a mother, I needed something to get excited about. So I decided I wanted to open up an online boutique. Everybody was doing all different kinds of tutus and things like that. And I was like, Oh, wow, that looks so cute. I would love to try to do that. So I went ahead, and I decided, I'm gonna make this business. 5:39   I started buying materials, started playing, having people place orders, I had two twos, I was crocheting Baby Hats. I was making hair barrettes with ribbon and bows. I was doing a lot of different things that I just learned in that moment. And I was trying to run a business while learning it. And when I started to have production problems with meeting the timeframes that I needed to get done, and my work started becoming more low quality, I'm not gonna lie, because I was rushing or I was I was just like, Okay, I need to get it done, rather than having the passion that I wanted to have when I first started. And when it started going a different way. And I started feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I was like, wow, this is not for me, like, I'm not good at this. I shouldn't be in sales. I shouldn't be on social media. I shouldn't be ...
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    17 mins
  • I'm Such An Effin Lady

    I'm Such An Effin Lady
    Jul 31 2022
    Have you ever been called "un-ladylike"?  In this episode we go over what "ladylike" means, doesn't mean & what to do about your ladyhood when society is telling you that you are wrong for being you!    Show Notes/Transcript: Welcome to Life Against The Grain Podcast. I’m your host Nikki Marie. Wife, Mother, Mental Health Advocate & Generational Wellness Coach. If you are ready to redesign your life according to your desires & your morals but are feeling trapped by the constraints of society & inherited values that were passed down to you  Then you are in the right place! I want this podcast to serve as a  safe space to explore, evaluate & envision YOUR OWN  blueprint for life.  Let’s get into it….   Welcome, Welcome, Welcom! Come on in and get cozy. I am Nikki Marie & today we will be diving into a phrase that drives me insane & may be making you crazy too! Have you ever heard the phrase “That is NOT lady like”? This phrase is usually used to shrink a woman who dares to take up space & be unapologetically themselves! Fun Fact: The definition of lady actually means - A WOMAN Lady is just the polite way to say woman, not that a polite woman equal a lady Nowhere in the definition does it state the behavior or presence a lady is supposed to have. But in society the term “ladylike” is used to describe someone polite, proper and obedient.  And once you step one toe out of that box you become a disgrace to all lady-kind. You are dishonoring your ancestors and yourself. All I have to say about that is… FUCK THAT NOISE! Yes I said it! We are shutting that concept down today! I have been called unladylike for cursing, for not allowing myself to be intimidated into action & because I don’t blindly fall in line like a good little “lady” would. Who gets to decide what a lady or a man is defined as? Yes, even men get told who & how to be a man, but ima save that tea for a future episode. But, who made these rules? Who lied to us? Bring me the person (let’s face it, it's probably a man) that came up with the concept “lady-like” so I could tell them to sit down and shut up. Who said being ladylike is THE WAY for a woman to be? Who said we even wanted to be a lady? The big issue is that each generation has learned to live inside the box passed down to them from the ones before. No matter how uncomfortable and tiny, they don’t even have to like the box, but they do have to blindly follow inorder to avoid being shunned in society. And I’m here to tell you it is time to break that cycle! We are breaking any cycle that feels incorrect for OUR lives, no matter who is advising us to do the opposite You will cross people who feel that it's necessary to comment on who you are, who you are not and who you are supposed to be. Those people usually lack control in their own lives so they frantically grab for other things & people to control. Their anxiety is not your problem & their view on life is none of your business! Just like 8 tracks, cassettes, and tv’s that could never be mounted on a wall had their time to shine and now we have evolved past it, we need to evolve our gender constraints & expectations in life. We are all human with experiences, emotions and being a lady or man will ever change that! If it's irrelevant to our lives then why are we holding on so tight to it?  Society is too familiar with boxing people up and slapping labels on them. And Familiarity isn’t always best.  Violent relationships could be familiar but does it serve your life for the better? Not really right? So, we need to redesign what is familiar and rebrand what ladylike means in society.  It should mean a strong and daring woman. It should represent the confidence, passion & courage we have as women! I am inciting a movement! A movement of revising our view on the labels society has pinned to our shirts and living against the grain in life so we could write a new story for our lives without the weight of others experiences! To sum it all up…  You already ARE a lady because you are a WOMAN on this earth.Other people don’t get to decide who you are and what you should do (yes, that includes the people we love)Break out of the box and break the cycle to pave a new path for future generationsOthers opinions have nothing to do with you!Familiar isn’t always bestIn order to alter your path & release anything that doesn’t make sense for your life by daring to rewrite the narrative that was taught to you & create your own! Post on IG, you being an extraordinary lady in a world that questions lady-hood & Tag me at helpme_nikkimarie so I could celebrate you! Use the hashtag #SuchAnEffinLady  Thanks so much for listening to Life Against The Grain Podcast You can find full show notes from today’s episode at my site helpmenikkimarie.com If you are loving the podcast, I’d be so honored if you go ahead and hit that subscribe button and leave a review Continue questioning anything that doesn't feel ...
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    7 mins
  • Life Against The Grain Podcast Trailer

    Life Against The Grain Podcast Trailer
    Jul 18 2022
    2 mins