It's finally here! As you may know, our King, Queen, and Nonbinary Royalty Patrons reserve the right to force us to read and review any book at all, except for Of Mice and Men, which Rachel has vetoed because it is too sad.

Queen Patron Cara requested, nay, demanded, we read the erotic fantasy novella Corn Daddy, by Helena Woodcock. And it was... surprisingly a good time. And not at all surprisingly, completely filthy.

The first tantalizing moments are free for all. If you want to hear the whole thing, go to patreon.com/firethecanon and sign up for one of the support tiers to help us out and let your freak flag fly.

As autumn turns to winter, we turn at last to that classic wintry tale: Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley. You may recall a little bit about her life story from our Percy Shelley episode, but this one is all about her! Join us as we learn about this weird little freaky genius lady, and go on a journey through the life of the woman who gave us perhaps the best known horror book of all time. Nikita is the ghost host. Rachel gets trapped on an Italian witch mountain. Jackie forms her own volunteer fire department. Bekah could have been in the thoracic cavity. Topics include: the Backyardigans, Mormon baptismal practices, Ignaz Semmelweiss, Renesmee, Aaron Burr, au jus, and assorted blackmail plots.

Content warnings: parent and child death, suicide, and some discussion of cadavers.

At long last, follow your fearless crew down into the depths of our nitre-covered bone dungeon for a taste of something delightful! The Cask of Amontillado is one of ol' EAP's most famous short stories, and boy does it have something for everyone.

Rachel attempts to lure Jackie to her doom using rare Kermits. Bekah can't imagine having beef with Fortunato, who is a silly little guy we all love. Jackie learns something about cat anatomy courtesy of Hunter, the village idiot.

Topics include: a mysterious gesticulating motion, mercator projections, physical bleeping, the national motto of Scotland, getting buried alive, Hocus Pocus tuberculocus, Freemason secrets, outcrazying a baby, the Cincinnati episode of Catfish, urogenital apertures vs cloacas, the abysmal state of North Carolina's sex education programs, an extraordinarily loud kiss, red blood cell wallpaper, and landing a broken bottle on your penis like a ring toss.

We're back with the second half of our over-the-top bio of EAP! Listen in for the story of Edgar's adulthood, complete with choleric escapades, omens from outer space, a cringeworthy misplaced accusation of plagiarism, a new love (now 100% child-free!) and a mysterious death followed by a funeral shorter than the song "Get Ur Freak On" by Missy Elliott.

Rachel threatens to share a deadly Dorito. Bekah didn't used to eat her vegetables, but she does now. Jackie is terrified she will one day discover Jeffrey Garten has died.

Topics include: Pooh Bear autumn, brat summer/evil lifetime, cute animal art vs. furry art, The Algorithm, relief from life, being in love with nonhuman people, the horror of meeting your celebrity crush, #IceAgeGate updates, having the shits so bad you think two men are trying to kill you, Quarles, a truly Chad move by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, the Bloom family, an incredibly labor-intensive election strategy, and delicious dirt that doesn't even need any seasoning or anything.

Skip the banter: 13:40

Grab your raven, tuck your buddy’s heart under a floorboard, pour yourself a glass of Amontillado, and join us as we talk about the first half-ish of the life of Edgar Allan Poe, a man who didn’t ask to be born. It’s time to start warming up for spooky season 2025, and what better way than learning about one of America’s original Goths?

Jackie goes overboard again, Bekah mixes up professions with nouns in general (concerning for a future dentist), and Rachel makes the only good joke about slavery.

Topics include: the debut of the timer that keeps track of how long it takes Bekah to bring up an animated character, Kung Fu Panda, lovers to enemies to lovers, French Robo-Jacob, Taquitos, Edogawa Ranpo, giving Pop Rocks to Robert E. Lee, surefire money-making tips, horse classes, compliments that would be better if they were different, the lies of Griswold, nurses with Munchausen by proxy syndrome, being just a little bit bowlegged, Grandma Pothead, and a recipe for penne alla gin.

Content warnings: child marriage, slavery, alcoholism, parental death

(Happy Thursday! That’s right, it’s Thursday. Don’t check.) Wow! A podcast! That’s the feeling you should get from this episode. Y’all… those crazy Athenian kids are still stuck in the dang woods. Will Puck, Oberon, and Titania continue messing with the humans and each other? Will Bottom regain his human form? Will the love triangles ever get resolved?! Knowing Shakespeare, the answer is yes, but let’s find out together.

Bekah plugs the mini fridge back in; Jackie does an amazing impression of Diego the saber-toothed tiger; Rachel does some moon math.

Topics include: No Uggos Chat, mansplaining Ice Age, the Mail Room with Jackie, gleeking upon occasion, classic acting faux pas, awesome-looking babies, Samuel PEPYS, ancient surreal sexism, trickster vs. trickee, and Hash with Hank.

We’re back, with Shakespeare’s comedy classic, A Midsummer Night’s Dream! Basically, four young Athenians with romance problems wander into the woods and get messed with by a bunch of fairies - you know the drill. It’s a good time, you’ll love it. (Fun fact: Jackie once acted in this play! Ten imaginary points if you guess as which character.) Jackie pulls a classic “Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka”; Rachel is dark and average; Bekah brags about her leviathan-like speed

Topics include: Fakespeare again, the Fatherly Spirit, the Suite Life of Zack & Cody, time travel for fun and profit, infuriating ways to win a woman’s heart, the power of the flower, Hemingway’s gun, Twister Splash, and Qu*kers.

This is a preview for our special Patreon bonus in which Rachel, Bekah, and returning guest Jess Owens (@saidbyjess) get together and talk tropes, baby. Which ones win? Which ones lose? Which ones have you never ever heard of before and maybe wish you could forget? We've got the deets.

Join us on patreon.com/firethecanon to access full bonus episodes, get a shoutout, a sticker, and more! Also, follow Jess @saidbyjess on instagram, twitter (X or whatever?) and the like. She's funny!