A raven landed dramatically on Banana Delvey’s windowsill, looking like it had just left an after-hours. “Caw! There’s a war for the crown happening in the heart of the capital—Davie Street! The stakes are high, the heels are higher, and the shade is DEADLY.”

Banana gasped, clutching her pearls (well, a broken necklace from Ardene). “A battle for the crown? Say less.” But before she could snatch her sword (a bedazzled foam bat from a past pride float), she turned to Miss October—her sister, her ride-or-die, the diva of all divas—only to find her… wilting.

Miss October had fallen victim to a dark, mysterious illness, one that twisted her week by week into something unspeakable. Her once-glowing skin dulled, her iconic cheekbones sharpened to terrifying points, and worst of all—her makeup started blending itself like some kind of sick joke. Her fiancé was forced to cover every mirror in the house, lest she catch a glimpse and let out an unholy screech that would crack all the glass in Vancouver.

“I cannot be seen like this,” Miss October whispered from under a sheer veil.

Banana, wiping away a single dramatic tear, knew what had to be done. If Miss October couldn’t fight, she would.

With that, she threw on her best battle armor—chainmail fishnets, a sequined corset built like a bulletproof vest, and platform boots that could break a man’s heart and femur. She assembled a ragtag army of fairies, wood nymphs, and goblins (aka every chaotic creature from the queer depths of Commercial Drive) and set off for the battlefield.

The Battle Dome on Davie Street was carnage. Week by week, the war for the crown intensified. Wigs were ripped clean off, lashes flew like shuriken, and the scent of desperation and Ariana Grande body mist filled the air. The contestants fought with lip syncs so brutal that even the DJ feared for his life. There was no mercy—only splits, kicks, and the occasional betrayal.

Banana, ever the hard-hitting journalist, took it upon herself to document the madness in real-time. She live-tweeted every scandal, every shocking elimination, every time someone missed their cue. And then—the scandal of all scandals.

Burna Dart, East Vancouver’s unshakable hero, the icon who had the city in a chokehold, was ROBBED on week two. The crowd gasped. A fairy fainted. A wood nymph threw herself onto the ground in despair. The city was in shambles.

With each passing week, hope faded, Miss October’s transformation worsened, and the battle for the crown reached unimaginable heights. Who would win? Could Miss October be saved? Would Burna Dart ever get justice?

Only time would tell. TO BE CONTINUED…

In the heart of East Vancouver, where the fairy kingdom lay, Lived sprites and nymphs and talking toads who danced throughout the day. Elves and goblins, pixies bright, and unicorns galore, Gathered round the magic glen to hear what was in store.

A pageant most peculiar had begun within the land, But whispers spread of foul play—of a wizard’s iron hand! A pageant rigged? A show unjust? Oh, how the creatures gossiped! A scandal brewing, thick and cold, like potions left un-frosted.

The ogres here were all so grand, and every one was she— Some fairies twirled, some monsters roared, some centaurs stomped with glee! Yet those who shined the very most, with sparkles bright and true, Would make the wizard grit his teeth and turn a shade of blue!

So to the Eastside Sisters went the creatures, big and small, “Oh, Sisters wise, oh, Sisters keen, you must go judge it all! Disguise yourselves, go undercover, sneak into the crowd, And tell us what this pageant holds, and why the rules are foul!”

The Sisters grinned, their eyes alight, “A challenge, you decree? Then fetch our cloaks, our hats, our masks! We’ll be the eyes you need!” With wands in hand and spells at work, they changed their forms just so, One was now a hairy dwarf, one a plump flamingo!

They tiptoed past the wizard’s guards, slipped right into their seats, And watched as ogres twirled and stomped, all trying to be sweet. But something smelled of wicked spells, the judges looked afraid, For every time they tried to speak, the wizard’s wand was swayed.

The cruelest wizard, dressed in silk, sat high upon his throne, And cackled loud as ogres tripped, like cows upon a stone! But when a star would start to rise, a girl so bold and bright, The wizard’s sneer would twist with rage—he hated sharing light!

One fairy sang a perfect tune, her voice a bell so clear, The wizard snapped his fingers twice and made her disappear! A centaur danced a fiery jig, her hooves a blazing sight, The wizard scowled, then waved his wand—her shoes were far too tight!

One monster juggled flaming swords while balancing with grace, The wizard grinned, then flipped a switch—a trapdoor took her place! The ones who shone the brightest were the ones who paid the price, For this old warlock hated stars—he loathed their sparkly spice!

Tune in next week for WEEK 2!

Once upon a time, nestled high inside the glowing East Van Cross, lived a happy little elf named Tinkletop. Tinkletop wasn’t just any elf—she was a herb specialist at the Eastside Evergreen Dispensary by day and an open mic performer by night. With her trusty ukulele and a pair of glittery clogs, she sang songs about love, community, and the occasional PSA about the dangers of eating too many edibles. Life wasn’t perfect, but Tinkletop made the best of it.

From her perch in the cross, she had a perfect view of East Vancouver’s bustling streets and a front-row seat to the rise of two legendary queens: Banana Delvey and Miss October. Back then, the two weren’t icons—they were just two drag sisters performing at small venues, often ignored or mocked by the gatekeepers of the drag scene. Tinkletop heard every whisper of jealousy, every lie spread by haters, and every dismissive scoff as the queens hauled their dreams from stage to stage.

Then, one magical day, Banana Delvey and Miss October dropped their first hit single: “We're So Eastside”—a hyperpop anthem about sticking together even when the world tries to tear you apart. Tinkletop listened to it on repeat until the East Van Cross practically pulsed in time with the beat. Their next track, “Call Me Clout Chaser”, became Tinkletop’s personal theme song. It was as if these queens were writing the soundtrack to her life, inspiring her to dream bigger and never let the doubters win.

But as Tinkletop’s love for the queens grew, so did the challenges in her own life. The dispensary became stricter about “sampling the product,” and the open mic crowds were dwindling. And then there was the Sewer Queen.

The Sewer Queen, a bitter old monarch who lurked beneath the streets, had declared herself the arbiter of all things drag. “Anyone throwing a show at the Legion,” she hissed, “is booger.” It was clear to Tinkletop: Banana Delvey and Miss October had rattled the gatekeepers. Their rise was shaking the foundations of the old guard, and it was only a matter of time before a new kingdom was born.

When Tinkletop heard about the Eastside Sisters hosting the first-ever Y2K Drag Show at the Legion Lounge, she knew she had to be there. The night was electric. Glitter rained from the ceiling, and Banana and Miss October performed a high-energy mashup of Britney Spears, Aqua, and their own bops. Tinkletop was awestruck—this wasn’t just a drag show; it was a revolution.

Soon, the Legion became a haven for all the magical creatures who’d been cast aside. Trolls with glitter beards, woodland nymphs who loved lip-syncing to hyperpop, and even a few reformed sewer rats gathered to cheer for the Eastside Sisters. Each show topped the last: the Minions Drag Musical had everyone laughing until they cried, the My Little Pony Drag Musical brought joy to the entire kingdom, and the Ryan Reynolds Lookalike Contest made headlines across the land.

For Tinkletop and her fellow fairy tale misfits, the Legion Lounge was more than a venue—it was a home. As they raised their glasses of sparkling mead and sang along to “We're So Eastside,” they knew this was the start of something magical.

And so, under the glow of the East Van Cross, the little elf and her newfound family celebrated the dawn of a new era—one where everyone, no matter how quirky or misunderstood, had a place to shine.