What's better than witches? Ghost witches! Now throw in a poltergeist, a U.S. president, a war everyone has forgotten, a dog with a bunny head, an awful lot of things that go bump in the night, and a few fart jokes for good measure and you've got the story of the Bell Witch, a story just for you! Well, you and the thousands of people who camped out in the Bell family's front yard to witness the otherworldly weirdness first hand. Of course there's more information out there but Eli and Mel provide a very entertaining curated version of the story for all you illiterates who refuse to read books. And no Eli isn't brainwashing you into thinking how he wants you to think, or to get you to buy his shit, or send him nudes (but hey, if you're into that...). Just don't blame him if the story stinks, because you can always...Blame It On Betsy!

Despite the happy-go-lucky title, this episode is not filled with good things. Eli and Mel tap into the subject of "Goth Chicks" by talking about Randy Stair, a man who knew he was a man but also knew that when he died he'd become a cartoon ghost goth chick paranormal investigator. What started as a fantasy became obsession became reality. Was the guy psychotic? Sure, but that didn't stop him from having goals and living the dream! It just sucks that he had to drag his coworkers down with him in a Klebold Harris inspired finale that proves that sometimes you just need to appease the...Ghost Goth Chicks!

It's the end of an era as Eli and Mel close out the discussion of Jmmanuel's Talmud and finish the thrilling tale of the true history of Jmmanuel, the man also known as... Jesus Christ! And they do it in a way that really speaks to the yoot-- err, youth of tomorrow. So how far apart is the truth from the "truth" in the New Testament? Well to be honest, it's a little different but same same. Jmmanuel goes into Israel, causes a rumpus, and the little hat people get upset. They plot against Jmmanuel who doesn't really do much to help his case. He makes nothing but enemies, changes a guy's name against his will, goes to dinner parties, visits a leper who can't keep it together, gets beaten, goes on trial in a kangaroo court, meets a germaphobic Roman putz, fakes his death by being crucified, gets healed by a bunch of foreigners, goes to India, becomes the Budda, flies around Earth in a spaceship, meets up with a bunch of Amazons for "Snu Snu", manages to piss them off, gets inducted into a secret society, still can't manage to make any friends, and ends up riding a caravan off into the sunset. All of this and more proves that it's ok to have....A Moment of Doubt!

The D.U.S.E. invites you to join us as we bid a fond farewell to "The Amazing Chris-Chan" series as it waddles its bumble butt off a cliff with all the other dumb lemmings. Eli and Mel think they gave our fallen hero a better send off than he deserves and want to congratulate you for having made it to The End right along with us. As for Chris-Chan, will his saga ever really end? The immortal Christ figure has been tasked with joining our reality with the Sonichu-verse and fulfilling the prophecy set out by the "Idea Guys," a group of mysterious figures who claim to have come from the alternate dimension of CWCville. So buckle up 'cause this episode has deez nuts, conjoined twins, smokeless boyfriend-free girls, mother loving, insanity, fascist animals, evil corporations, banks doing what banks do best, saviors, prison talk, criminal litigation, justice or lack thereof, senile elders, reincarnated lumberjacks, artists who draw questionable things, and the most vile sadistic sociopath that Eli has ever brought up in any topic. In fact, there's so much evil that this absolutely positively has to be...The Final Saga!

In this episode of "J'mmanuel's Talmud" Eli and Mel cut the fat out of this hog to keep this Kosher narrative flowing! Sure they could tell you about all the times J'mmanuel slandered the Chosen People and then said something profound, but who has time for parables? Instead we dig deep into the story of J'mmanuel as he travels to Judea, the land of money changers, whales, pharisees, Birkenstocks, and people who can't seem to get into the holiday spirit. There he does his best to get through to his moronic disciples, but his frustration boils over into absolute rage when he sees bankers setting up shop outside of a temple that's most definitely...Not For Business!

Ho ho ho! And we don't just mean your mom! Have a Merry Christmas and whatever other made-up holiday you chose to be annoying about. In this not so jolly Christmas special, Eli does his best to scramble your egg nog by telling you all about the copious amounts of blood libel, infanticide, child abuse, cannibalism, zombies, necromancy, animated scare-crows, half goat demons, cultural subversion, black face, racism, and murder that lies just under the skin of your favorite holiday. And if that doesn't jingle your sleigh bells, just know that you're all on The DUSE's naughty list, so pucker up under the mistletoe cause you're about to get up close and personal with some of...Santa's Helpers!

Armor up viewers, grab your axes, your swords, and your holy collection of limited edition signed Sonichu Comics, and let's raid the holy land! Or whatever Chris-Chan thinks is the holy land, which might be everyone else's version of hell. In this episode our boy Chris-Chan finally gets the boyfriend-free girl he's always wanted! Well, sort of. Turns out she was a professional, and that means she'll be your honey if you got the money, even if you're Chris-Chan. But we wouldn't want it any other way! Oh and there's plenty of tragedy to go with this victory. You know with all the trials, community service, the Chandler house cosplaying as kindling, Chris-Chan's transition into Christina-Chan, and a wink and a nudge over possible incest. And let's not forget about the hill Chris-Chan decided to die on, because God forbid a video game company recolors a character's arms, proving that if you're dumb enough you can turn just about anything into...The Great Crusade Saga!

Concise strikes to your dome piece! That's what this episode is about. Eli and Mel bring you the finisher of the story of Count Dante, the guy who was known as the "Most Dangerous Man in the World," who ran several of his own dojos, was a founding member of America's martial arts scene, owner of a used car dealership, purveyor of smut and kicking butt, kung fu terrorist, world renowned classical singer, bank robber, heist maestro, bar brawl starter, hairdresser, woman beater, bull puncher, brick destroyer, anti-racist, first Caucasian tenth-degree black belt, broken handed face puncher, possible mob victim, and master of the poison fist technique, all proving that this bad mama jama truly was...The Ultimate Sensei!