Katy Gosset introduces a new series on the Pleasures, Pratfalls and Practical Lessons of Parenting in the Modern World.

Katy Gosset takes a fresh look at the challenges of parenting in a changing world in the first episode of Are We There Yet?

Wanted: Committed mothers and fathers for demanding, full-time positions

Work will include cooking, cleaning and attending to the bodily functions and psychological needs of a dependent.

You will be committed to top quality and engaging child rearing techniques, balancing emotional intelligence with a high threshold for being judged and ridiculed. A comprehensive general knowledge, covering everything from childhood illnesses and social media platforms through to Sponge Bob Square Pants and other inexplicable pop cultural references is a must.

You'll be calm under pressure and in the face of extreme untidiness, bringing order and compassion to stressful situations, and negotiating tight deadlines and thankless tasks with ease, possibly whilst half-asleep. A strong, broadcast quality voice is essential for the regular and repetitive reading of bedtime stories and the delivery of firm rules.

Remuneration: Nil (although some emotions may occur naturally, including, but not limited, to love, excitement, exhilaration and fear, tempered with exhaustion).

Please note: This position includes shift-work.

Apply Now: (The faint hearted need not bother).

It's a Tough Job but someone's got to do It...

Ever felt like you've got all the answers?

How about a miraculous manual on parenting tucked under your pillow?

No? OK then, chances are, like most parents, you've embarked on the great adventure that is child-rearing equipped only with the best of intentions, plenty of enthusiasm and perhaps a dash of trepidation.

But what follows can sometimes best be described a roller coaster.

'You kind of feel like you're bumbling your way through really. There isn't a manual for kids and it's hard to know if you're doing the right thing really. And sometimes you're not," - mother of two

Parenthood has always been exciting, rewarding and just a little terrifying, but in 2017 the challenges have changed.

The intricacies of the Internet, social media and an increasingly fast-paced life can make parenting a stressful business.

Are We There Yet? examines some of the pressing issues parents face today, contrasted with historical audio, courtesy of Archives New Zealand and Ngā Taonga Sound and Vision.

"It really is hard. It's like you've got to be the answer to everything and you can't answer everything can you ? I love it though," - mother of four…

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What to do when your child talks back. Katy Gosset talks to parents and a child psychologist about "oppositional behaviour" and tackling the 'tude.

What do you do when your child talks back? Katy Gosset looks at tackling the 'tude in the second episode of Are We There Yet.

We've all had it. Whether it was a slammed door, a "you're not the boss of me" or just a big, fat "no".

As parents we might know it as attitude, 'tude, back chat or talking back. But, for clinical psychologist Catherine Gallagher, it's oppositional behaviour.

And she says kids know just how to dish it out.

"They learn what your hot spots are and they'll use them mercilessly. That's not because they're evil - they're doing it because it works."

First up, let's clarify just what oppositional behaviour is. Ms Gallagher says, in short, it's doing the opposite of what someone has said that you should do.

"Things like talking back, digging your toes in and not doing the jobs, or going on the go-slow or arguing back: all of the above."

And for parents it can be maddening.

"There's the slamming doors and they'll just go off to their room and we'll say, 'Well, if you do that one more time I'll take your door off your hinge,' and then there's more aggro," one mother of four told us.

"You just have to draw a line in the sand and let them know it's not acceptable," a father of two said.

Ms Gallagher believes some of the tension arises because parenting is such a personal business.

"These little creatures, we love them to bits. So, when they look at us like we're a piece of poo on their shoe and 'how dare you even say that' and 'I don't love you' - all of those things that kids can provocatively say because they know it's going to hit a mark - it can be incredibly challenging."

But, she says, the reasons behind this kind of conflict can come as a surprise to parents.

"Sometimes oppositional behaviour can come from 'I just don't know what to do'."

It's easy for parents to assume a child is refusing to do an activity because they simply don't want to do it, she says.

"In actual fact, it might be, 'I'm not ringing up that friend on the phone because I'm anxious.' Or, 'I don't actually know how to do that. I never practised ringing someone on the phone. What do you say? What might they say?'

"So oppositional behaviour can come from a lack of skill."

Ms Gallagher says it can also occur when parents put unrealistic expectations onto children…

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Did your delicious dinner get the "Yuck!" treatment? Katy Gosset talks to families about fussy eating and a clinical psychologist serves up some tips.

'Why can't my child just eat a vegetable?' is the refrain of many parents. Katy Gosset examines the fraught issue of fussy eating in the third episode of Are We There Yet.

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When did you last dish up a disgusting meal?

If you've got children, chances are it's happened in the last week.

We might imagine ourselves to be good cooks but our kids say otherwise, banning broccoli and brussels sprouts from their plates, spurning sauces and spices and issuing insults like there's no tomorrow.

"My younger child, he would just refuse to try any foods and he would just say 'It's yucky' - mother of two.

"They probably ate vegetables up until about 18 months and then it was like their taste buds came in and it was 'Nah!' - mother of two.

"I don't know what it is. They just don't like anything now. It's like you've basically got to cook up a My Kitchen Rules dinner for them or something and they might eat it" - mother of four.

Little wonder then that parents resort to creative solutions.

"I'd mix things in with other things so they wouldn't notice what they were, like cauliflower ... maybe slice it really thin and put it in with mashed potato" - mother of four.

"They both love to bake so I put things like pumpkin in scones or grated zucchini in cakes as ways of getting vegetables into them" - mother of two.

Is something wrong with our cooking? Why do our children reject the meal in the first place?

Catherine Gallagher

Clinical psychologist Catherine Gallagher has spent years working with parents on feeding issues and says there can be many reasons for fussy eating.

But it usually begins with biology.

"It starts with sensory sensitivities. It can start with reflux. It can start with allergies... and then some kids just don't love food."

Others may reject a certain food because it resembles or reminds them of another disliked item.

Children are reacting to both their biology and the anxiety it generates, Ms Gallagher says.

"So if I've eaten food or had stuff go into my tummy and then I've felt sick, then I'm going to develop ways to go "'Bleurrgh... keep that out of my face'."

The child's reaction then provokes anxiety in his or her parents, she says.

She experienced this first hand when taking her own child to Plunket to be weighed…

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Phones, tablets, laptops, whatever the device, your children will want to get their hands on it. Katy Gosset tackles the struggle against screen time.

Phones, tablets, laptops, whatever the device, your children will want to get their hands on it. In the fourth episode of Are We There Yet ? Katy Gosset talks to parents about the struggle against screen time.

"Your time is up !"

That's the catch cry of parenting today.

Once it might have been "Dinner time", "Time to go to school", "Time to brush your teeth, go to bed ...etc, etc."

Now it's all about screen time.

How much are my children getting ? Are they getting too much ? And is it affecting their brains ?

In the struggle against screens, some have switched off entirely.

"For probably about a year we've had no television for the kids , when they go to their grandparents they binge actually on TV to make up for the TV they don't get at our place." Father of two

"They can turn on the TV themselves so I actually completely unplug it.. It was very challenging probably at the start he'd be like "I want TV, I want the Ipad" but I would just sure I was there to be able to interact with him, play with him distraction techniques." Mother of two

Others with older children have had to monitor online activities closely

"We stop at 9.00pm. They can have it after school when they come home but no phones at the dinner table.ever." Mother of four

And then there are outside influences...

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"My younger kid, he's probably the one that I worry about more and he's also much more influenced by other kids and what they're doing- like shown how to access a porn site.

"He wasn't interested in it but other kids were showing him and he thought that was what you had to do." Mother of two.

So how much is too much ?

Clinical psychologist, Catherine Gallagher said, ironically, she found good information online about age appropriate screen time durations, courtesy of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

"They had some findings: under 18 months: apparently none. In between two and five: one hour a day and between six and 18 up to two hours a day."

Ms Gallagher said, while these were useful guidelines, they could also promote guilt.

"I read that and automatically thought 'my children are going to be disadvantaged because they've certainly had more than that.'"

She believed screen time was neither good or bad: it was about striking the balance…

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In an increasingly anxious world, some young people are turning to self- harm. Katy Gosset asks a clinical psychologist how to cope with cutting.

In an increasingly anxious world, some young people are turning to self- harm. In the fifth episode of Are We There Yet ? Katy Gosset talks to parents and a clinical psychologist about how to cope with cutting.

We expected meltdowns, slammed doors and sulking. But not this.

Self-harm is the silent, scary issue no parent really sees coming.

"I was gutted, really upset. I just couldn't understand why she was doing it and worried that it might lead to something else... I was sad for her." Mother of four

"It started in a very minor way but it became an obsession. It became her way of coping with, she told me many times, the pain inside her head. So causing physical pain was a release to her." Mother of two

These mothers found ways to help their children and both daughters are on the path to recovery but one woman vividly recalls the emotion she felt upon seeing what her child had done.

"I was just devastated. I just couldn't understand it. At first I'd get really angry."

Her daughter began to self-harm while in hospital receiving treatment for a serious eating disorder.

"I remember one of the first times I'd come in after she'd just done it. I just wanted it to disappear and I was quite unsympathetic with her."

"I said] "What are you doing ? We 're trying to help you and here you are sabotaging it. I didn't understand what it was about."

Things got worse before they got better.

Her daughter's self-harm culminated in two suicide attempts.

However, after medical intervention and many months away from class, the teenager has now started afresh in a new school with a different group of friends.

Yet her mother says the physical scars remain on her daughter's body and the experience has also left its mark on those around her.

"How do you manage the stress and impact on the family ? How do you, as a working mother, manage your full-time job and still manage to rock up every morning and not fall apart. It's huge "

She said dealing with self-harm was also lonely as many family members and friends struggled to understand and often said the wrong thing.

"Why can't she just do this ?" or "Give her to me for a week and I'll get her fixed."

The mother said ultimately she ended up withdrawing socially and feeling she couldn't keep up with friends or coffee groups…

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School thugs or spiteful secrets - whatever form of bullying they face, children need help. Katy Gosset talks to a clinical psychologist about beating the bullies.

Smacked around by schoolyard thugs or the target of spiteful secrets. Whatever form it takes, bullying is horrible for children and heart breaking for their parents. In the sixth episode of Are We There Yet ? Katy Gosset talks to parents and a clinical psychologist about how to beat the bullies.

For parents it's a dirty word.

Worse than swearing.

When they hear "bully" it's hard not to react.

"It's heart breaking to see your child going through this. It's hard to what it is about her that made people feel they could do that to her." Mother of three

"Her entire school life was, dare I say it, really bitchy girls who just wanted to bring her down." Mother of two

And bullying comes in many guises.

Many may be visualising a physical encounter: the school yard stand over tactics.

And yes, that still happens, as one mother found when her son was targeted by "the classic threesome group of bullies"

"You get the lead who definitely sets the pace and then you get the followers that do it because their mate's cool and he's doing it so it must be cool."

These bullies targeted everyone in their year group until her son stood up to them and became their sole focus.

"It all came to a bit of a head when he was beaten up in class before the teacher got there. Luckily some kid who wasn't supposed to have their phone on videoed it so they had video evidence"

But then there's the nasty, insidious sort of bullying, often done by girls, that amounts to being left out of the gang.

"I remember this - I hate the word "popular" - group, but she was always so desperate to be part of that group which just used to enrage me."

"Being accepted by them was huge to her."

And this mother said her daughter's desire to fit in made her vulnerable.

"She was like a beacon for those other kids. They could just sense a weakness."

She said the girls bullied her daughter by excluding her from social activities and talking about the events later and, in one case, boycotting her 14th birthday party sleepover.

He daughter was excited about having the "popular" group come over but two days before the party they all contacted her to say they couldn't come.

"It was a very manipulative, bitchy, degrading, consistent bullying where it was just constant."

"So it was a very lonely experience for her."

So How Can Children and Their Parents Beat the Bullies ?…

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Life changes don't come much bigger than having a baby. But with the excitement comes stress. Katy Gosset looks at coping with a new baby.

When it comes to life changes, it doesn't get much bigger than having a baby. But with the excitement comes stress. In Episode Seven of Are We There Yet? Katy Gosset looks at coping with a new baby and what to do when you find you're not coping.

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When you're preparing for a baby, along with all the other information you get, there's a thing called a "layette".

It's a funny word (it comes from the Old French term for a drawer) but, essentially, it's a kind of checklist of all the clothes and accessories your new baby will need:

- Nappies

- Babygros

- Tiny woollen vests

- Muslin cloths ... etc etc,.. you get the picture

Shame no-one really tells you about that OTHER post-baby checklist:

- Sleep deprivation (leading to general exhaustion)

- Anxiety

- The sense that you haven't a clue what you're doing

- Did I mention exhaustion?

And so on ...

Obviously, you love your baby and it's all very exciting but it is tiring and the sudden change to your lifestyle can come as a bit of shock.

"When baby arrived it was all sunshine and rainbows for the first few weeks and then reality hit and it all came crumbling down." - Mother of two

"The complete and utter change in your life is quite amazing and that's something you don't really get your head around until it happens." - Father of one

"Some people really love that young baby stage and I'm just a different person and that didn't suit me." - Mother of two

So coping with a new baby can be tough but what happens when we find that, actually, we're not coping?

I'm now finding that all the pressures of life just seem to be quite overwhelming. - Mother of two

For one mother things came to a head when she won a $250 voucher in a prize draw.

"Normally you'd feel pretty excited, pretty stoked that you'd basically won $250 and I just a felt a little bit of surprise, a little bit of disbelief."

She realised that she was increasingly numb and was no longer really feeling emotions.

It made her concerned that she might not be able to appreciate her child's development.

"I thought to myself, how awful would it be if my daughter reached a milestone like rolling over and I just think to myself "Wow, Whoopee." I couldn't stand the thought of that."…

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What are our children eating ? And what if they're actually not eating much at all ? Katy Gosset talks to parents about the rise of eating disorders.

What are our children eating ? And what should we do if we find that, actually, they're not eating very much ? Social media feeds mean young people face more pressure to look a certain way. In Episode Eight of Are We There Yet? Katy Gosset looks at the rise of eating disorders.

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We all have our preferences, let's face it.

And. yes, there are certain vegetables that may never win a popularity contest. (Hello brussels sprouts !)

And yet we need this stuff: a broad range of vegetables, grains, fats and carbohydrates.

So how, then, do we deal with a growing suspicion that our offspring, usually an older and more independent child, may be skipping some of these key food groups altogether?

"She was very, very clever about hiding her body for some time in very baggy clothes." Mother of two

And how do we steer our child away from an unhealthy relationship with food ?

"I try to tell her she's beautiful be herself but it's really hard because there's always just "No, I don't want to do it because I'm fat." Mother of four

And in the case of one daughter, there were many ploys used to mask just how her attitude towards food had changed.

"When I questioned her, she very cleverly would just retort "Oh Mum, you don't need to worry, I went to Subway after school" or "We shared pizza at lunchtime as well"

"There was always something to try and take me off track."

This daughter suffered a stomach injury while horse riding and that provided another excuse to avoid food.

But her mother's nagging fears continued and she contacted specialists, desperate to find a reason why her daughter couldn't eat.

Eventually matters came to a head during a visit to the family's GP.

"We basically backed her into a corner and he just said "You're choosing not to eat."

A Devastating Diagnosis

The impact of this revelation came as a tremendous shock for the girl's parents.

"It was a huge, huge deal to me. My husband and I just about collapsed."

The pair felt a mixture of disbelief at the diagnosis and relief at finally having a name for their daughter's struggle.

But it was still a shock to grasp the extent of the eating disorder when the mother unintentionally saw her daughter undressed…

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