In an increasingly anxious world, some young people are turning to self- harm. Katy Gosset asks a clinical psychologist how to cope with cutting.

In an increasingly anxious world, some young people are turning to self- harm. In the fifth episode of Are We There Yet ? Katy Gosset talks to parents and a clinical psychologist about how to cope with cutting.

We expected meltdowns, slammed doors and sulking. But not this.

Self-harm is the silent, scary issue no parent really sees coming.

"I was gutted, really upset. I just couldn't understand why she was doing it and worried that it might lead to something else... I was sad for her." Mother of four

"It started in a very minor way but it became an obsession. It became her way of coping with, she told me many times, the pain inside her head. So causing physical pain was a release to her." Mother of two

These mothers found ways to help their children and both daughters are on the path to recovery but one woman vividly recalls the emotion she felt upon seeing what her child had done.

"I was just devastated. I just couldn't understand it. At first I'd get really angry."

Her daughter began to self-harm while in hospital receiving treatment for a serious eating disorder.

"I remember one of the first times I'd come in after she'd just done it. I just wanted it to disappear and I was quite unsympathetic with her."

"I said] "What are you doing ? We 're trying to help you and here you are sabotaging it. I didn't understand what it was about."

Things got worse before they got better.

Her daughter's self-harm culminated in two suicide attempts.

However, after medical intervention and many months away from class, the teenager has now started afresh in a new school with a different group of friends.

Yet her mother says the physical scars remain on her daughter's body and the experience has also left its mark on those around her.

"How do you manage the stress and impact on the family ? How do you, as a working mother, manage your full-time job and still manage to rock up every morning and not fall apart. It's huge "

She said dealing with self-harm was also lonely as many family members and friends struggled to understand and often said the wrong thing.

"Why can't she just do this ?" or "Give her to me for a week and I'll get her fixed."

The mother said ultimately she ended up withdrawing socially and feeling she couldn't keep up with friends or coffee groups…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details