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If the past few years have taught us anything, it's that by and large the church has failed women. From sexual abuse scandals involving high-profile pastors, to decades-long systemic cover-ups of sexual harassment and mistreatment, to harmful theology that has driven women to leave the church and find community elsewhere, it's clear that something is broken. If we want to fix it, it's time we start listening.

I grew up in the Southern Baptist church of the '90s during the height of the True Love Waits movement, accompanied by Joshua Harris’ best seller, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. If you don’t know what I am referring to, consider yourself blessed. Many of the ideas perpetuated by this culture were infused with fear and shame, offering no practical help or guidance in equipping young people to become healthy sexual human beings.

Are you a Christian man looking to be free from your regular use of pornography? Shame and self-hatred are terrible motivators for transformation. There must be a better way to outgrow our unhealthy dependence on pornography. Religious communities often fall short engaging pornography in a meaningful way, quality resources are scarce. We must strip away the sexuality of our porn use, face the complexity of our own sexual development and stories head-on. We must get beneath to what is driving our hunger to use women as objects of our pleasure, and learn how to honor not objectify.

We desire to be transformed, to grow more and more like Christ. But for many of us, our strategies for change don’t work. We misperceive God as a judgmental Father, leaving us demoralized and paralyzed by shame. Stumbling Toward Wholeness offers a new strategy for spiritual growth and life transformation: regularly returning to the arms of a kind and loving Father.

I am a recovering ass. Of course, at times I still am one, but it's less often. I now recognize my “assness” more quickly, recalibrate, and take action to make amends for my poor behavior. It's important to acknowledge the truth of our mistakes without turning toward self-contempt, shame, or beating ourselves up for the harm we have caused to those we love. Yet, we must take full responsibility for our poor behavior and fully own what we have done and learn to live differently, becoming men who bring life rather than further heartache.