Humorous Horror

By day, Mark Wojcik can be found elbow-deep in engine grease, making cars and trucks safe for the highway. By night, he can be found traipsing through the wilds of Pennsylvania, making the world safe for humans. He's more than just a mechanic, he's a New Templar Knight. He travels the backroads and byways fighting weresquonks, ningen, selkies, ghosts, and . . . gnomes? Is that gnome . . . naked? (Sigh.) Season One collects the first four novellas in the Spells, Salt, & Steel series: Spells, Salt, & Steel; Open Season; Deep Trouble; and Close Encounters.

Sally has recently left an unfulfilling job to volunteer at a living history museum, where she is assigned to the Death House. Every day, she dons Victorian mourning garb and describes traditional funeral services to tourists. It sounds depressing as hell, but for Sally, it’s less depressing than her tepid marriage to her childhood sweetheart. This becomes all too clear when she accidentally travels through time and space to a liminal world where the ghosts of the living history museum haunt its grounds. There, she meets and falls hard for Victorian-era pretty boy Nathaniel.

A smash-hit reality show is offering a lifetime of luxury to the one person living the world's worst life, and now everyone is out to prove just how bad they've got it. Want in? All you've got to do is accept ocular implants that let the whole world see life through your eyes, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Fortunately, there's still one person who hasn't lost faith in all humanity. The show's ever-smiling host is determined to wring some tiny bit of meaning out of this twisted competition and your unhappy existence.

Angelo and his friends know that together they can handle any pretty much anything – including giant mutant spiders or snake-like parasites that burrow into your brain. But when a terrifying new enemy attacks from above it seems they have met their ultimate match...how can they defeat giant vampire birds With summer term in full force – and sports day and prom night on the horizon – the whole school is in danger. The gang need a plan to bring safety to the skies once more.

24/7 Demon Mart: Publisher's Pack features two books from the 24/7 Demon Mart series: The Graveyard Shift, book one, and Monster Burger, book two. It also includes the bonus Hell for the Holidays, a 24/7 Demon Mart Christmas special. Lloyd Wallace is the most clueless crossing guard the intersection of hell and earth has ever seen. So clueless, that he doesn't even realize the beer cave in the corner store where he works is the gateway to hell.

Busy with troubles of her own, Maud the village witch just wants to be left alone. Peace and quiet should be easy enough when you're dead, right? Wrong. Reborn as a powerful lich, Maud is suddenly faced with the attentions of all the righteous heroes, holy clerics, and nosy neighbors of the realm. Now, instead of whiling away the days in her garden with her cat and her knitting, Maud must figure out how much force is required to crush a man's spine, the proper storage solution to keep a spoiling cadaver, and how best to display the remains of the fallen for maximum scare.

Pyjamas are just pyjamas. Right? Not when they’re COSMIC PYJAMAS! Charlie and his great mate Ben have landed in a spooky House of Horror – all because of Charlie’s new pyjamas!

In a perfect world where everyone destroys everything and eats human flesh, one zombie has had enough: Buck Burger. When he rebels at the natural disorder, his marriage starts deteriorating and a doctor prescribes him an anti-depressant. Buck meets a beautiful green-haired pharmacist fairy named Fairy_26 and quickly becomes a pawn in a cold war between zombies and supernatural creatures.

A town is overrun by road weenies - a.k.a. joggers - who never smile. A girl thinks she's too old for Halloween...until she finds a special pair of gloves. A boy takes a shortcut to an unexpected place. A mummy takes his revenge, one little piece at a time.... These 35 tales ranging from the silly and offbeat to flat-out horrifying are just right for listening alone in the dark.

It doesn't take long for DeeDee, Lloyd, and Kevin to figure out that living with the angel of death isn't easy. Lost souls. Angry exes. Ancient curses. Will the grim reaper ever get his afterlife together? The outlook is not so good. The reaper isn't the only angel who's out of sorts. Lloyd's devilish boss Faust hasn't been the same since a tentacle monster spit him out of an alternate dimension, and his ex-girlfriend tried to start the zombie apocalypse. And Angel eight ball? He's having a hell of a time juggling a terrible new boss and saving Lloyd from eternal damnation.

December 1874. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are looking forward to a traditional Christmas with plenty of food, alcohol, and the odd duel. But then Death meets Elizabeth, a young girl with unusual gifts, who needs their protection. When other children start going missing throughout London and the Prime Minister himself asks for their help, they have to put down the brandy and mince pies to solve the mystery while—as usual—saving the world from an unspeakable horror.

As the daughter of Dracula, you would think I’d be born the perfect monster. You couldn’t be more wrong. As far as monsters go, I’m a screw up—if I’m not tripping over my own feet, I’m accidentally murdering someone (it’s a real issue, guys). Left with no choice, Dad decides to send me to Prodigium—otherwise known as Monster Academy—to train me on how to be a better monster. When bodies turn up on campus, I’m the prime suspect (not that I can blame them).

Evil has arrived in the capital...and she's looking to go shopping. After a startling vision and an uninvited visit from a rival lich, Maud sets off for the city to prepare for war. Leaving a trail of deboned corpses in her wake, this simple country lich solves a few murders, commits a few more, and discovers along the way that some things are worth dying for. Again. Maud’s heart may have stopped beating long ago, but she is determined to live her new "life" to the fullest. Featuring necrotic crafting, neurotic knitting, two naughty crows, and one very haunted castle.

A beautiful, ambitious angel stands on a mountaintop, surveying the world and its little inhabitants below. He smiles because soon, the last of humanity who survived the great flood will meet its end, too. And he should know. He's going to play a big part in it. Our angel usually doesn't get to do fieldwork, and if he does well, he's certain he'll get a big promotion.

Devin and his sister Violet are visiting their Uncle Jack in an old house by the seashore. Jack was a sailor and he has collected strange and fascinating items from the sea. Exploring a back room, Devin and Violet discover a locked trunk. A pirate's chest. They manage to get it open - and see that it's filled with antique jack-in-the-boxes. Huh? Up pops a very ugly, mean-looking puppet, an old pirate with a dirty red bandana over his long greasy hair. "Thanks for letting Sailor Jack out!" he rasps. Will Jack return them to their uncle? Just how much is a pirate's promise worth?

The year: 1983. The place: Ohio. The camp: Scary as heck. Camp Sweetwater is finally reopening, three decades after it mysteriously shut down. Campers Corryn Quinn and Tez Jones have each had more than enough of their regular lives - they’re so ready to take their summer at Sweetwater by storm. But before they can so much as toast one marshmallow, strange happenings start...happening. Can they survive the summer? Or will Camp Sweetwater shut down for good this time - with them inside?

Ryan's favourite hobby is watching influencer's videos online. One day Ryan posts a comment underneath a video of his favourite influencer, Grimmf, and is delighted when Grimmf video calls him. Grimmf asks if Ryan wants to swap lives with him - all Ryan has to do is repeat "yes" three times. It's a no-brainer! On the third yes, Ryan is pulled into the laptop. Ryan is thrilled. He watches his Grimmf doing his chores in his bedroom, while he gets to have fun being an influencer! But when Ryan asks Grimmf if they can swap back, Grimmf laughs and cuts off the connection.

Sherlock Bones, the world's greatest dog detective, and his trusty sidekick Dr Jane Catson are back for two more crime-solving adventures. In The Curse of the Pharoah's Mask, Bones and Catson are visiting the tombs of the ancient feline kings in Egypt when they discover that a precious mask has been stolen. But the mystery is not as straightforward as it first seems. In The Horror of the Haunted Castle, when a wealthy dog spots a ghostly figure haunting her kennel she come to Bones and Catson for help. Bones is convinced there's no such things as ghosts.

When Yas takes a selfie in the local park with her brand-new phone, she doesn't expect to see an old lady photobombing her picture. In fact, each time Yas opens the camera app, the ghostly old lady figure re-appears silently screaming. Yas decides to investigate with best friend Oscar. If the pair are being haunted, then maybe the ghost has something important to tell them. What does she want? Can Yas and Oscar find a way to banish her for good?

Rita may be a baby, but she has the mind (and attitude) of a teenager. Though new to walking, she's as wise-crackingly clever as anyone in Key Stage Three. She knows she is not a normal toddler - and when her parents disappear and a sinister clown and an ice-cream van seem to be hunting her down, even a soft-play centre might not be safe. It will take all Rita's cunning and resourcefulness - as well as a cat flap, a mobility scooter and a reluctant teenage sidekick - to defeat an evil conspiracy and a crazy genius villain.