Why Mummy

Why Mummy Drinks is the brilliant novel from Gill Sims, the author of the online sensation Peter and Jane. It is Mummy's 39th birthday. She is staring down the barrel of a future of people asking if she wants to come to their advanced yoga classes and polite book clubs where everyone claims to be tiddly after a glass of Pinot Grigio and says things like 'oooh gosh, are you having another glass?'

Why Mummy Swears is the much anticipated new novel from Gill Sims, author of the hilarious Why Mummy Drinks and online sensation Peter and Jane. It’s every parents’ nightmare - the start of the school holidays - and instead of sitting in the sun, reading a book over a cold, crisp glass of Pinot Grigio, Mummy has two bored moppets to attend to. After frantically booking sports camps, child minder slots, not to mention time off work, Mummy is exhausted. But this is only the beginning....

Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns.

It’s almost Mummy’s 50th birthday. The hot flushes have just started, and nowadays she barely recognises herself. She’s been a wife and mother for so long that she can’t quite remember what life was like pre-moppets (although they’re more like giants now). Speaking of, Jane is constantly partying and naturally more interested in passing her driving test than her A-Levels. In fact, trying to get the kids through their exams at all is almost as excruciating as waiting for their results.

This year Christmas will be PERFECT. This is the year when all dreams come true, carol singers will carol the Wassail would Wass, or possibly Sail, children will frolic, extended family will get on and behave normally and not fall out and just eat the effing mince pies without questioning their organic/ gluten free/ vegan/ fairtrade status. Everyone will be delighted by their thoughtfully chosen presents and not surreptitiously rifle through the wrapping paper looking for the gift receipt, and the dogs will give the impression that Ellen is in charge of them and not the other way around.

Ellen Russell embarks on the Ultimate Summer —two whole months without the stifling confines of work drudgery, school runs, or juggling the household's never-ending demands. This year promises the idyllic, laughter-filled summer of her dreams with her best friend, Hannah, and their Precious Moppets. But can a summer filled with wicker picnic hampers, vintage bicycles, and a sun-kissed trip to the in-laws' almost-chateau truly live up to The Vision?