Showing results by narrator "Jonathan Sleep" in All Categories

Swords. Sorcery. Dick Jokes. Truly do the gods smile upon you, dear listener, for the first four books in the hilarious Caverns and Creatures series are now available in one audiobook set. Join Tim, Dave, Julian, and Cooper as they are thrown into a hostile fantasy world filled with magic and monsters, and ruled over by a cruel and sadistic game master who taunts and harasses them while he sits back and eats their fried chicken.

Going back home was not exactly what Tim and the C&C gang expected. Trouble continues to follow them back to Gulf Coast Mississippi. Trouble...and a gnome...and an undead midget.

Many view "hitting rock bottom" as a foundation on which to rebuild one's life, a place from which one can only ascend. Gamers know to search for a secret door leading down to the sewer.

This is a collection of the ninth six short stories in the Caverns & Creatures series. It includes the following titles: Look Before You Leak, Bred Dwarf, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Alcoholic Gnome, Don't Get Too Athached, Fool's Gold, and Kiss My Cloaca.

In the wake of their recent loss, the Caverns and Creatures gang are left hanging. Do their choices amount to more than waiting around to die of thirst and leaping to a quicker death? Probably, or else this would have been a much shorter story.

The truce with the Erasi allows the Empire and the Shara Daim to grow, expand, and develop new technologies. But the Erasi have a long memory, and the Weaver of the Erasi will not allow the alliance more time to become a greater threat than it already is. Lord Sentinel Adrian Farkas-Reiss and Kar Daim Anessa plan for the inevitable Erasi attack. Their only chance is to strike first, and Adrian reaches out to an enigmatic alien race that could be the key to ending the Erasi threat. Massive fleets are preparing for the end of the truce and an all out war.

The Shara Daim Legions stopped the Erasi fleets from pushing further into their territory, and with the invasion halted a lull in the war gives the Empire time to seek a diplomatic solution on behalf of their new ally. But the Erasi are stalling the diplomatic talks, and the Shara Daim are not willing to wait for long before launching an offensive to take back their systems. The Erasi are master manipulators, and while they feign interest in a peaceful resolution, a massive force from their core is gathering, commanded by one of the founders of the Erasi.

Deeming the Whore's Head Inn no longer safe to hide in, the gang decide to take a more proactive role in their pursuit to get back to reality, or at least to keep Mordred from doing so.

Tim and his friends find out the hard way that you shouldn't question the game master, and you shouldn't make fun of his cape. One minute, they're drinking away the dreariness of their lives, escaping into a fantasy game and laughing their asses off. The next minute, they're in a horse-drawn cart surrounded by soldiers pointing crossbows at them.

After being scattered across the globe, our heroes seek to reunite with each other. But the consequences of recent events continue to plague them. Cooper enters the Fertile Desert, in search of Nabi. Katherine seeks to escape, and take back her ship. Julian tries to placate Akane, while keeping Chaz out of trouble. Stacy vows revenge on the ettins, who continue their destructive rampage in the Cedar Wilds. Dave sets his sights on power and wealth. And Tim....What the hell is Tim up to? Meanwhile, Mordred's army of brainwashed Knights spread ever farther, in their search for his dice.

This is a collection of the first six short stories in the Caverns and Creatures series. It includes "Cave of the Kobolds"; "Zombie Attack"; "Orcs, Bears, and Assholes"; "Shipfaced"; "Dungeon Crawl"; and "The Creep on the Borderlands".

In Antarctica, a research expedition discovers an ancient structure buried deep in the ice. In Indonesia, a genetics researcher identifies a breakthrough treatment for autism. But these two incredible discoveries aren't what they seem. They will set off a race to unravel the deepest secrets of human existence—the true history of human origins. And an event that could change humanity forever.

Splitting the party is never a good idea, but sometimes, that's just the hand fate deals you. On Nazere, the gang's plans are cast into the wind when a stubborn foe returns to settle a score. Back in Cardinia, Stacy has her hands full trying to help Dave, while Dave does everything in his power to avoid being helped. Tim and Cooper stagger out of the desert, to find themselves in a whole new world of trouble.

High in the Canadian Rockies is a small limestone quarry formed 530 million years ago called the Burgess Shale. It holds the remains of an ancient sea where dozens of strange creatures lived—a forgotten corner of evolution preserved in awesome detail. In this book, Stephen Jay Gould explores what the Burgess Shale tells us about evolution and the nature of history.

The end of the Sowir Dominion draws near as the Empire resumes its offensive. The retaking of Guxcacal home-world begins, as the Empire's fleets invade the remaining Sowir territory. But the Sowir still have surprises up their sleeves. Adrian Farkas awakens new abilities, buried deep inside the human genetic code by their ancestor Axull Darr. And with them the Empire gains all the knowledge contained inside the device left by their ancestor, the sum knowledge of the People, the first intelligent race in the universe and the ancestors of Humanity and the Nel.

Finding themselves permanently stuck in this strange new world, the gang tries to make the best of it by finding the nearest tavern and getting shitfaced. The plan goes just fine until they lose Katherine and Chaz.

The adventure continues. Tim and the C and C gang face their most difficult challenges yet. Horses die. Eyeballs are eaten. People are urinated on. A god is born.

At Sol, Adrian Farkas—Lord Sentinel of the Empire, prepares the defenses for the inevitable attack by the Legions of the Shara Daim—the third race created by the human and Nel ancestor Axull Darr. The Shara Daim come for the device left by their common ancestor, their Elders planning to use it to fulfill their goal of ruling the galaxy. But Adrian has plans of his own. But even as the Shara Daim Legions assemble for their invasion of Sol, Adrian and the Empire's fleets move to fulfill a promise made long ago to the race that had enslaved and destroyed Earth—the Ra'a'zani.

A collection of absurdist and thought-provoking stories from the author's Return to the Dirt, Just Speculating, and more, including unreleased, exclusive, audio-only content! Performed by a cast of award-winning and Audie® nominated narrators. Fans of the macabre, dark humor, and cerebral thrillers are guaranteed a good listen. Occupational Hazards is an unflinching ride through the absurdity of it all. Existentialism, absurdism, and outlandish humor merge with ordinary, workaday life for a truly unique perspective of the human experience. Not recommended for the faint of heart or easily offended. But if meaty stories are what you're after....We hope you're hungry.

This is a collection of the eighth six short stories in the Caverns & Creatures series. It includes the following titles: This Poo Shall Pass, Hung Ogre, Fortune Favors the Kobold, Asses to Asses, Love on the Rocs, and The Winds of Cooper. If you've already purchased all of these books, there is nothing new for you here. If you haven't yet purchased any, you can save a few bucks by buying this collection. If you've only purchased some of these already, you'll have to do some math.