Weird guys talk weird guys who talk mostly about weird guys. Get your weird ass over here so we can ask you some questions: You get a load of that fella? Would you like to know round ‘bout how many years it’s been since we seen him and the sorts of things he would often say? What are the stories behind the music? For fans of: one band and one band only, festival circuits (plural), and tolerating your tourmates.

We don’t want to blame the whole thing on 9/11, but…. Lower your denominators and ask: A clip show already? Will the Deftones forgive us? Which President is it not unlike? For fans of: snares tuned high, guitars tuned low, self-awareness simultaneously tuned high and low.

Can’t sell out if you don’t got choruses. Put a bunch of stickers on your bass and ask: Did you know the guitar strap is adjustable in both directions? Can we be serious for a minute, or maybe even more than a minute? Should skateboarding continue not being a crime? For fans of: verse/verse/verse, addressing the president directly, and fart noises as a personality trait.

Featuring our friend from real life and the podcast Nailed, Blake.

Cheek, kink, and camp—we’ve got it all! Yawn for the camera as we ask: What sort of lads are we dealing with here? Can you let the lady sing a song? What King of the Hill thing are you thinking about? For fans of: dance sensations, hearing the parody first, and knowing the difference because it could mean your life.

Bad news, we tricked you into joining our sleep study. Imagine your breath as the gentle rhythm of a distant sea and ask: Did you hear that rumor about us? Why, so you guys could just lie to get me here? So you could sit me here next to Britney Spears? For fans of: in-between Strat positions, sterile laboratories, and Sheryl Crow’s less difficult material.

We swapped microphones every few words for this one. Walk calmly but quickly away from Steven Tyler and ask: Were we supposed to do basslines for all of them? Which 30-year-old cheerleader is it not unlike? What does Jewel think about all this? For fans of: VH1 through the ages, authorial intent, and desperately grasping for Run DMC’s coattails.

Selling England by the Pound

Joe Strummer is going to be so mad. Keep your voice down while we ask: Not English enough, ha? How can such a small island support so many supermarket chains? If the band doesn’t work, maybe film school? For fans of: Intended puns, all English everything, and superfluous ‘postrophes that’s all scatter’d about.

Monoliths and Dimensions

The producer is giving us the “stretch it out” signal. Come to the far north of…oh, America. That’s disappointing. But anyway: What kind of amps do y’all use? How much greater is the whole than the parts? Are we gonna do Stonehenge tomorrow night? For fans of: DUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN, commitment to the bit, and lying in the bed you made.