This is Part 2 of a 2-part episode that began with Episode 188 (not 187 as stated in this episode). Click here for Part 1. More often than not, when no-contact adult children end their estrangements and return to the relationship, there's an elephant in the room -- at least from the parent's point of view.

Parents feel like they're walking on eggshells, trying to avoid whatever it was that created the problem in the first place. If only their adult children would tell them what went wrong, so they could keep it from happening again!

But that elephant-in-the-room feeling may not be shared by the adult child, who wants the relationship to work as much as the parent does. They might not want to talk about the elephant. And that leaves parents feeling unsettled, to say the least.

This episode is for you if you're feeling nervous and unsure around your recently reconciled, or semi-estranged, adult child.

For more about how to make repairs and begin to heal from parent-adult child estrangement, read show host Tina Gilbertson's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Seeking Safety in Estrangement (scroll to bottom of that page for more emotional safety resources)

The Center for Nonviolent Communication

Validation and Estrangement

How to Validate Someone

TRANSCRIPT:

These are uncertain times for those of us who create and freely share content via the Internet.

I mentioned on the podcast earlier this year that I needed some time to assess the impact of all the changes happening in the world of digital information, including the widespread, unregulated use of AI.

At that time, I removed the show from a couple of the larger platforms, and stopped releasing new episodes to those platforms. Unfortunately, many smaller platforms were also affected. And that’s made it a lot harder for the show to be found by new listeners, which is a dilemma I’m still wrestling with.

Because it’s become clear that even more changes are necessary to protect the integrity of this podcast, even while making sure that you, the listener, can still access it.

So here’s the current plan.

Starting with Episode 177, which will be released on July 29th, 2024, new episodes will appear in more places, but with certain exceptions, they will expire when the next episode is released.

And beginning immediately, I’m going to start expiring some of the older episodes – again, with certain exceptions.

Namely, the following:

- If you’re used to listening to the videos on our YouTube channel, or ...

- If you listen on the Reconnection Club website...

Nothing will change for you.

There will be no expiration and you can disregard this entire announcement. (Again, that is if you listen on either our YouTube channel, or our website.)

However, if you use a podcast player app like iHeartRadio or Pocket Casts, then new episodes starting with 177 will typically be available for only two weeks, and then they will expire.

There are ways to get around that two-week time limit. Within those first two weeks, you should still be able to download episodes and keep them for however long you want, depending on the app. Please check on that directly with your app. I don’t have that information.

But if you ever lose an episode or can’t find one that you’re looking for, remember you can always find every single episode, old and new, on the Reconnection Club website, at reconnectionclub.com/podcast, or by episode number, for example, "reconnectionclub.com/130" for Episode 130. Or, subscribe to our YouTube channel for free and listen there.

I know that episode expiration will not be a welcome change, and I thank you for your understanding and patience as I try to strike a balance between limiting unauthorized access by AI, and preserving your access to the podcast as a listener.

I also thank you for sharing the Reconnection Club Podcast with other parents experiencing unwanted estrangement from their adult children.

Thank you for your continued support in these challenging times.

There are many more episodes to come! To find ALL episodes of the Reconnection Club Podcast, go to Reconnectionclub.com/podcast.

Episodes 97, 98 and 99 form a 3-part series outlining an overall stepwise approach to reconnecting with your estranged adult child.
In the 3rd and final episode of this series, you'll find out why it's important to go through the steps in order, and not to enter Step 3 prematurely.
By the time you get to this last step, you should already have completed 90% of the work of reconnection -- even without your adult child's participation.
Tina cautions that many rejected parents go through the steps backwards, expending energy in fruitless efforts for which they haven't yet built a foundation.
You'll also hear about three different traps that parents can fall into, in trying to repair an estrangement.
Once you've spent constructive time in Steps 1 and 2, you'll be prepared for Step 3, which should be the easiest of the three, if approached in order.

Episodes 97, 98 and 99 form a 3-part series outlining an overall stepwise approach to reconnecting with your estranged adult child.

In the first episode, Tina explains why it's important to slow down and avoid acting impulsively, from a place of desperation.

This foundational episode provides a rationale for Step 1, and then lists specific tasks appropriate for this first phase of responding to your adult child's estrangement.

You'll learn why it's necessary to pay attention to your nervous system, and how best to avoid unnecessary suffering. (According to Buddhism, pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional.)

Reconnection Club members can find an annotated guide to the Road Map, with links to Tina's favorite resources, inside the Reconnection Club.

This week’s episode begins with an assertion that neither pain nor compassion is a zero-sum commodity.
Estranged adult child are in some ways wounded by the relationship they share with their parents. Most people in this position are in pain over the necessity of estrangement.
Acknowledging that fact, we can still find compassion for the rejected parent who finds himself left behind. It’s usually the case that he did the best he knew how to do, and didn’t mean to hurt his child(ren).
Estrangement involves pain on both sides.
Tina talks about three separate types of parental pain, which she suggests exist at deeper and deeper levels in the parent.
If you’re hurting over the relationship with your adult child or children, this episode is a must-listen.

The parent-child relationship is not like any other. In so many ways, your role has always been a more demanding one than your child’s.
If you were lucky, you had no responsibility for your parents when you were growing up; they took care of you, and not the other way around.
Parents care for their children, and children are cared for by parents. There's something inherently asymmetrical about the relationship.
That dynamic gets etched into both of your psyches as your child grows to maturity. And even though she’s now an adult, she’s never going to be exactly like your peers.
Tina describes the ways and means that parents shoulder the burden of steering relationships with their children.
It’s clear that although parents and children are not exactly peers, even in adulthood, parents trade the responsibilities of parenting for the honor of being irreplaceable.
Most of us have just one of each parent. Never believe you’re interchangeable with anyone else in your adult child’s life.

Once you start learning, growing and healing through estrangement from an adult child, you might feel like sharing new insights with your child.

Why wouldn’t s/he be interested in hearing what you’ve learned? And how exciting, to have new knowledge that can create a positive impact in your relationship.

That’s why many parents ask, “How do I let my estranged adult child know I’ve changed, if we’re not currently in contact?”

Tina’s answer is, “Don’t be in a hurry to do that.” Find out why you might want to wait on writing them a note about the work you've been doing, and what to do instead.

For practical tips on how to repair an estranged relationship with your adult child(ren), see Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.