Today, Dr. Ed Adams joins me to talk about his newest book, Reinventing Masculinity, that he co-authored with Ed Frauenheim (another awesome show!). We also explore what he's learned during his career as a therapist, how he heard his calling and picked up art, why is started Men Mentoring Men, and most importantly, some practical wisdom we can all use today.

Dr. Ed Adams is a psychologist (and artist) specializing in individual and marriage therapy and has a particular expertise working with men impacted by life transitions such as divorce, loss, illness, and career changes. He considers himself as a "thought partner" for men and women pursuing greater self-awarness and emotional growth. Over the past decades, the art of psychotherapy with individual men, Ed’s presidency of Division 51 (Men and Masculinities) of the American Psychological Association (APA), and the founding of Men Mentoring Men have focused his creative interests toward assisting other men to build more satisfying and meaningful lives. Ed found a way to do this both by blending psychology with art.

Here are just a few of the topics we'll cover in today's show:

• Ed's journey from seminary school to becoming a psychologist
• How his father's PTSD influenced him as a kid growing up
• How he realized he wanted to pursue art AND psychology
• Why he started his first men's group
• How the group grew and turned into Men Mentoring Men
• What helped Ed make space for both of his careers
• How he "listened" for his calling, something most men aren't trained to do
• How community and surrounding himself with the right people made a big difference
• About Divsion 51 of the American Psychological Association
• His work on the guidelines for men and boys
• Why it's manly to be compassionate and why we need to see the suffering
• The most important rule in Men Mentoring Men
• Why men need to create more space for fun and play
• What we can learn from going back to ourselves as kids

https://www.menmentoringmen.org

https://www.reinventingmasculinity.com/

Watch the video: https://www.mandateshow.com/episodes/ed-adams

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Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.

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This is a really fun episode and it is filled with practical things you can try TODAY. I was introduced to Shawn Johal through our mutual friend and we hit it off. In this show we cover lots of topics from his own mental health routine, learning how to express his emotions, shutting down a business, finding happiness in the present moment and so much more. I know you'll love it.

Shawn is the author of The Happy Leader, a leadership fable about transformation in business and in life. He provides a “Happiness Roadmap” for his readers and clients, teaching them how to achieve both happiness and success. Shawn is the founder of Elevation, a business growth coaching & consulting firm, working with entrepreneurs & their teams to help accelerate their growth – while helping them find personal balance and happiness. 

Here's a summary of what we'll cover...

• Being a minority and growing up in Montreal
• This impact his father's upbringing had on him
• How he learned positivity from his mom
• Learning the power of visualization while playing elite sports
• Why visualization is such a powerful tool
• Finding your super power for the day
• How to do a 32 second meditation
• What he learned during the bankruptcy of a family business
• How he got into meditation
• The Time Anger Gap
• How his wife helped him learn to show emotions
• What Shawn learned when he was diagnosed with a "positivity bias"
• How can we be better at seeing our blind spots
• Acceptance and gratitude
• How Shawn works to bring traditionally "feminine" qualities into his life and training
• Our obsession with what other people think about us
• Why he was inspired to write his book, The Happy Leader
• What he defines as happiness
• How to use the "hell yeah" question
• How to start a loathe or love list
• Why entrepreneurs and business owners are perpetually unhappy
• Final wisdom: Celebrate the wins

Links

Elevation Leaders

The Happy Leader

• Ebook US
• Audiobook US
• Ebook CDN
• Ebook CDN

Unplug Meditation

Joe Dispenza

Heidi Hanna

############# Show Notes #####################

Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.

Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/

Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/

@mandatetheshow

In this episode I'm joined by Kevin Fitzpatrick. We were connected thanks to an intro from one of my first guests, Jonathan Domanus. Kevin is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and has spent the last 40 years in the mental health field. He has been in full time private psychotherapy practice since 1989. Kevin started doing his own inner work, focused on masculinity, in the 1987 and has been active ever since. Our conversation today explores what he's learned both as a professional working with men's mental health and as a person experiencing mens work.

He have a life mission: to empower through healing, something that has evolved from both having a father who was a physician and having to work on his own healing. He's had a daily meditation practice for over 25 years and is a yoga practitioner and instructor. Kevin's and his wife have been married 40 years and have raised 2 sons to adulthood. When he's not working in the mental health field you can find him riding motorcycles, singing, and playing guitar.

Here are a few of the topics we'll cover:

- Why Kevin's been feeling depressed lately and how he manages
- COVID fatigue and trying to not trip before we get to the finish line
- Kevin's morning routine and why it's so important
- Why Kevin was tied up to a tree as a kid by his babysitter
- How he learned he had ADHD and how that led to depression
- Why Kevin got into social work and become a therapist
- How did Kevin get involved with Men's work?
- What did he experience during his first men's weekend?
- Why it's so hard for men to open up?
- What is a Victories weekend like?
- How they facilitate personal growth groups and why some last for 10+ years
- Why shame has really slowed the mens liberation movement
- What Kevin sees today in his practice with young adult men
- How he supports the young men he works with
- "Love them through it"
- "You gotta get your guts in to it!"
- Should loneliness be in the DSM?
- What does the future look like for men's mental health?
- Why you should be willing to move into the areas that scare you

Links & Mentions

The Places that Scare You

Pema Chodrun

Victories for Men

############# Show Notes #####################

Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.

Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/

Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/

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Email Adam: hi@mandateshow.com

I'm joined by Dr. Paul J. Kachoris, MD. Paul has been a psychiatrist for over 50 years working with children, adolescents and adults and still runs a private psychiatric practice. Since 1990 he has been involved with men's work co-leading men's weekend retreats with Victories of the Heart. His professional interests are men's studies and retreats, neuroscience, humanities and writing poetry. Paul is a father of two sons and one daughter and a grandfather of 5 grandsons and 4 granddaughters.

In this episode we're going to tackle how we develop as men and specifically, what tasks do we need to experience and navigate as we get older. This know as the male developmental schema. We'll focus a bit more on the "mid life passage" that occurs between 35-50, when we tend to go through different mid-life crises. This show will provide an overview of what emotional needs men have and need to fulfill. Here are a few of the topics we covered:

• What is Victories of the Heart and why did it change his life
• How fear got in the way of Paul having deeper connection
• What happened after his first men's retreat
• How men's work helped him become a better psychiatrist and therapist
• What has happened with men's movements over the last 30-40 years
• How culture and media program archetypes of men into us
• How traditional views of masculinity have created isolation and loneliness
• Why shame slowed the men's movement
• The tyranny of the playground
• What is the male developmental schema?
• How Paul developed his own schema based on the work of several authors and researchers
• What is the midlife passage that happens between 35-50?
• What are some of the triggers that cause men to seek help?
• How Paul navigated his midlife passage
• Do we have to wait for a crisis to wakeup and change?
• The warrior, the lover, the magician, and the king archetypes
• How the archetypes show up in everyday life and how they've changed for Paul over time
• Why we have to take care of what's between our ears

Mentioned on the show

Victories of the Heart

Iron John by Robert Bly

ManKind Project

Robert Moore - King, Warrior, Magician, Lover

Carl Jung

Erik Erikson - Childhood and Society

George E. Vaillant - Triumphs of Experience - The Men of the Harvard Grant Study

The Seasons of a Man's Life by Daniel J. Levinson

The Midlife Passage by James Hollis

############# Show Notes #############

Spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.

Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows

Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/

Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube 

Email Adam: hi@mandateshow.com

In this episode I'm joined by Matt Zerker, the Founder & CEO of tethr, a peer enabled mental health and well-being platform for men. Matt has an incredible story and passion for what he's building which is what we'll dig into today.

Prior to tethr, Matt worked as a Portfolio Manager at a quantitative hedge fund and even achieved the coveted CFA designation. Despite the early career success, Matt was deeply unhappy. After the sudden death of one of his closest friends in 2018 sent him spiraling into a suicidal depression Matt began the journey towards a more fulfilling life. After trying everything from therapy to medication, and even some experimental treatments, Matt discovered a men's peer support group in his hometown of Toronto and that's when his inner world began to shift. After attending a fateful men's retreat in April 2019, Matt returned home on a Monday and quit his job suddenly on Wednesday - he has been building tethr ever since.

In this episode you'll hear more about:

• How tethr got started and how they're doing
• Matt's personal journey since starting tethr
• The pressure of being a mental health founder trying to solve your own problems and experience
• Redefining out relationship with our work and being of service
• The impact our upbringing has on us as adults and men
• The danger of the hustle culture and hustle porn in startups
• How he turned things around half way through college
• Why we need to take more time to be present and appreciate what's in our lives
• How to know when to push and when to rest
• Techniques Matt uses to reconnect with himself
• Connecting with our inner child in times of stress
• Why your well being influences the well being of the company
• What Matt has tried on his journey with mental health
• Why we're not a problem to be fixed
• How joining a men's group change Matt's life
• Power of being seen for who we are
• How do we support men when they have the courage to say, "I'm not ok."
• The power of witnessing and holding space for others
• Why needing help doesn't mean you're broken
• Why we need to look at the hero's journey in a new way (they always have help)
• The power of getting to know yourself
• What has he learned so far building tethr

About Matt and Tethr

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mattzerker/

https://www.tethr.men

Download the tethr iOS app

Download the tethr Android

Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.

Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/

Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/

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Email Adam: hi@mandateshow.com

In this episode we start to explore the topic of intimacy with my friend Jim Young. We'll also talk about evolving forms of masculinity, the armor men wear and why we wear it, love, and why improv is always the answer.

Jim Young, aka The Centered Coach, is a Dad of 3 ridiculous teens, a coach who helps men dare their way past outdated archetypes, and a creative organizational facilitator who loves the color Teal. If you find yourself in Western Massachusetts outside of The Pandemic Times, you can catch Jim performing regularly in improv comedy shows with his team, Not In Charge.

• How Jim stays centered amidst the chaos of life right now
• The power of build a habit of gratitude
• The Gratitude ABCs
• Jim's 10 year+ journey with his mental and emotional wellbeing
• Why his divorce was a wakeup call
• How therapy helped give him the structure he needed
• What makes it hard to seek help
• What is intimacy? Is just about romance and sex?
• The different types of intimacy
• Why it's hard for men to be vulnerable
• How to get over your fears of being intimate and vulnerable
• Why you have to be able to tap into your feelings to truly be intimate
• Some ideas around having hard, intimate conversations
• What is a designed alliance and how to do create one
• The difference between "balance" and "balancing"
• Why men need to talk more about love
• How our early life experiences shape our mental well being as adults
• The impact of bullying on Jim's life
• The armor we wear as men and how to start taking it off
• Why love is so important and how we can love ourselves more
• Love debt
• How to say no with love and compassion
• How to ask for love
• The platinum rule
• When to listen versus when to offer help
• Why you should try saying, "Is there anything you need?"
• Sympathy versus empathy

Mentions

Atomic Habits by James Clear

UNF*CK Your Brain Podcast

Al-Anon Family Groups

Love languages quiz

Brene Brown on sympathy versus empathy

Connect with Jim

www.linkedin.com/thecenteredcoach

www.thecenteredcoach.com

Support the Show

Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.

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Paul Thallner is Founder and CEO of High Peaks Group and the Reframer in Chief at Take Back Work. He's an expert in team effectiveness and organizational change and is a passionate advocate for workplace greatness at scale. He's advised and consulted for organizations around the world and coached senior level executives (mostly men) to be more compassionate and human-centered leaders.

In this episode we're going to talk about:

• The impact of strong female role models in his life
• What he learned from the positive organizational change model
• Paul's personal care routine and how he found meditation that worked for him
• How he discovered his loneliness in the pandemic and what he did about it
• How to noticed the "flashing lights" in our lives
• How the advice we give to others is usually good for ourselves too
• What is resilience?
• What does it mean to "return back to normal"?
• How being truthful with yourself about the situation can help increase your capacity for resilience
• Paul's resiliency model (watch the video if you can)
• What Paul learned by creating a resiliency course for the ski industry during COVID
• What is chronic workplace stress and what is Paul seeing in his clients
• The "masculinity aftermarket"
• Why masculinity is at the heart of challenges inside organizational culture and behavior
• What makes it hard for leaders to want to pursue change of this magnitude
• Why businesses don't prioritize inclusion
• Why do people and organizations work with Paul?
• How to focus on creating wins as a team and not retreats to create change
• What do leaders struggle with the most
• Why it's important to express your emotions as a leader, get it out, name them, and get help
• What is a massive wakeup call event?
• What Paul learned from a hike in the grand canyon
• How to help people ask for help

Show Links:

Paul's Grand Canyon Story

The Resilience Model Explained

Resilience In The Wild - online Resilience Course

Team Effectiveness

More on Richard Boyatzis and emotional intelligence in leaders at work

More on Annie McKee and massive wakeup call events

Follow Paul and High Peaks Group on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn

Paul's Website: http://www.highpeaksgroup.com

############# Show Notes #############

Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.

Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/

Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/mandatetheshow

Instagram: https://instagram.com/mandatetheshow

Email Adam: hi@mandateshow.com

Text Adam: 512-980-3935

In this episode*, Jos Dirkx joins the show to discuss masculine and feminine energy, how we can create safe spaces to tackle gender barriers, mental health, and societal pressure on boys and men. Jos is a force of nature. She's the cofounder of an AI startup, an author, speaker, and world changer. Plus she cares deeply about gender issues. Here are a few of the topics we got into:

• How Jos inspired me to start this show
• What do people mean when they talk about masculine and feminine energy?
• How does masculine energy show up for women?
• Why did she write, Tackled, a book about men and boys?
• What she learned from interviewing 800 boys and young men
• How curiosity allowed her to go deeper into the interviews on uncomfortable topics like rape
• The role early childhood development plays in our understanding of gender norms and intimacy as adults
• The role guilt and shame play in whether or not men open up about vulnerable topics
• How societal pressures impact men's ability to tap into more of our whole being
• The impact regional culture has on gender norms
• How men can tap into their feminine energies
• How exploring different energies with your partner can create more love and connection
• Why we need to honor people's needs to play their role in our life
• How can we create space for vulnerability

*In this episode we briefly talk about rape in the context of the interviews she did with boys and young men. None of the content in this show is a replacement for professional advice.

Read Tackled: https://www.amazon.com/Tackled-conceptual-practical-discourse-deconstruction-ebook/dp/B074NGKKJ4

Connect with Jos: https://josdirkx.com

############# Show Notes #####################

Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video.

You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.

Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/

Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/

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Instagram: https://instagram.com/mandatetheshow

Email Adam: hi@mandateshow.com