Episodes

  • Episode 34 | Accountability

    Episode 34 | Accountability
    Jan 7 2025
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.Episode 34: "Accountability"In this episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the concept of accountability, exploring what it means, what it looks like, and why it is essential for the success of all relationships. Dr. Hensley highlights that lack of accountability is at the root of most relationship issues, emphasizing that true accountability involves both a statement of acknowledgment and actionable change.Why Is Accountability So Difficult?Dr. Hensley explains that the core barrier to accountability is shame. Criticism is hard for anyone to hear, especially when it comes from someone they love. Yet, taking responsibility for how our actions impact others is vital for relational growth.She explores how accountability challenges manifest across attachment styles:• Fearful Avoidants: Often struggle due to complex trauma and high levels of shame, leading them to become defensive before accepting responsibility.• Anxious Preoccupied: Tend to take too much accountability, often self-abandoning or apologizing without understanding what they’re apologizing for, in an effort to avoid conflict.• Dismissive Avoidants: The least likely to take accountability due to low emotional intelligence, making it hard for them to see their role in relational issues.The Role of Accountability in Conflict RepairDr. Hensley delves into how resentment builds when neither party takes accountability, stressing that acknowledgment and action are the foundations for repairing conflict. This applies not just to romantic relationships but also to friendships and parent-child dynamics.She clarifies that accountability doesn’t mean sacrificing your own beliefs or boundaries—it’s about recognizing how your actions may hurt someone else and taking responsibility, even if the same behavior wouldn’t affect you in the same way.Accountability as a Two-Way StreetTowards the end of the episode, Dr. Hensley addresses common objections people have when confronted with accountability, such as:• “But what about their behavior?”• “My partner is so unreasonable.”• “I never hear ‘I’m sorry.’”While grace is essential in relationships, Dr. Hensley challenges listeners to reflect on why they continue to accept hurtful behaviors. Ultimately, accountability is a two-way street—it’s about both taking responsibility for your actions and holding yourself accountable for staying in relationships that don’t meet your needs.Key Takeaway: Accountability is the hallmark of emotional resilience and maturity, and it’s fundamental for conflict repair and relationship success.Tune in for this powerful episode and learn how to cultivate accountability to strengthen your relationships and honor yourself.Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: @drsarahhensleyInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.
    Show More Show Less
    48 mins
  • Episode 33 | The Dismissive Avoidant

    Episode 33 | The Dismissive Avoidant
    Dec 31 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.Episode 33: The Dismissive AvoidantIn this episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the attachment style that many find both fascinating and frustrating—the dismissive avoidant (DA). While the DA is often seen as the most perplexing of the insecure attachment styles, Dr. Hensley explains that their behaviors are actually the most predictable.The episode begins with an exploration of two common childhood experiences that shape the dismissive avoidant attachment style. Many DAs report having a “good” childhood—parents who stayed married and supported instrumental needs like attending events. However, upon closer examination, it becomes clear there was little to no emotional support. From a young age, DAs learned that suppressing emotions kept them safe, as big emotions were unwelcome or even punished.Dr. Hensley then explains the infamous 4-6 month “bait and switch” often seen in DA relationships. In the early stages, they appear open and even vulnerable, but as the relationship deepens, they start to deactivate. These deactivation behaviors—feeling smothered, doubting the relationship, or fearing a loss of independence—are often unconscious yet highly predictable.The discussion moves to the DA’s core wound: defectiveness. Growing up, their emotions were invalidated, leading them to believe they were inherently flawed. In adult relationships, when their partner expresses intense emotions, the DA subconsciously feels responsible, thinking, “I must be bad if I made you feel this way.” Unfortunately, they lack the capacity to hold space for those feelings, perpetuating the cycle of disconnection.Dr. Hensley also tackles the topic of sex and intimacy in DA relationships. For some, sex feels like another expectation they’re unable to fulfill emotionally or physically. Others use sex as a way to meet their limited need for emotional and physical connection.A key highlight of the episode is Dr. Hensley’s explanation of the DA’s trauma responses, particularly their tendency to live in a state of functional freeze. They’re either “on,” constantly busy with tasks to avoid emotions, or “off,” dissociating from the important things in their lives.Midway through, Dr. Hensley addresses a small subset of DAs who experience severe trauma within the first five years of life. In these cases, the brain shuts down to protect itself, resulting in even deeper emotional challenges, through disconnection, later in life.The episode concludes with a path to healing for both DAs and their partners. Dr. Hensley provides actionable strategies for recognizing DA patterns in the dating phase and practical interventions for those in long-term relationships or marriages. Through her programs, she has witnessed countless transformations, with DAs finding genuine connection and their formerly anxious partners moving toward secure attachment.Additional topics include:• Why DAs are the attachment style most likely to cheat.• The motivations behind a DA’s decision to heal.• How the tools and strategies in Dr. Hensley’s coaching program enable true healing for DAs and their partners.This episode offers hope, clarity, and a practical roadmap for navigating relationships with dismissive avoidants and fostering secure attachment.Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: @drsarahhensleyInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--...
    Show More Show Less
    52 mins
  • Episode 32 | Live Coaching Session with Rozerin

    Episode 32 | Live Coaching Session with Rozerin
    Dec 24 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.Episode 32: Live Coaching Session with RozerinIn this groundbreaking episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah invites listeners into her virtual coaching room for the first-ever live adult attachment interview with special guest Rozerin. A graduate of Dr. Sarah’s hybrid group coaching program, Rozerin had long dreamed of experiencing a one-on-one assessment. Dr. Sarah opens this session to the public, giving listeners a firsthand look at the depth, insight, and transformation these sessions provide.Topics Explored in the InterviewDr. Sarah guides Rozerin through a detailed exploration of four key areas:1. Childhood Experiences• Rozerin shares her upbringing, reflecting on trauma-related events, the dynamics between her parents, and how her caregivers influenced her ability to emotionally regulate as a child.2. Previous Romantic Relationships• The session delves into Rozerin’s two or three most significant relationships, unpacking their core challenges and the reasons they ended, and/or if she is currently still in any of them.3. Emotional Vulnerability• Rozerin examines her capacity to share her deepest thoughts, feelings, and fears with her partner, discussing the ease or difficulty of achieving emotional intimacy.4. Conflict Behaviors• The discussion covers the ways she and her partner respond to conflict, including levels of emotional reactivity, resolution strategies, and patterns that emerge during disagreements.Attachment Style AnalysisFollowing the interview, Dr. Sarah determines that both Rozerin and her partner are fearful avoidants, with Rozerin leaning more anxious and her boyfriend more dismissive. Dr. Sarah provides an in-depth explanation of how fearful avoidant attachment is formed, highlighting the core wounds of betrayal and abandonment. She connects these wounds to Rozerin’s childhood experiences and illustrates how they manifest in her current relationship dynamics.Exploring Healing GoalsAcknowledging that healing is an ongoing journey, Dr. Sarah asks Rozerin to identify areas where she still feels gaps in her progress. Rozerin admits to struggling with a negative bias toward her partner, often assuming the worst-case scenario in their interactions. However, she shares that the tools and strategies from Dr. Sarah’s group program have significantly improved her mindset, leading to increased happiness, positivity, and reduced anxiety.Concrete Tools for Overcoming Negative BiasDr. Sarah closes the session with actionable interventions to help Rozerin stop negative biases in their tracks. She emphasizes the importance of catching and correcting old patterns, a hallmark of secure attachment, and equips Rozerin with practical tools to continue her healing journey.This powerful episode offers deep insights into attachment theory, personal growth, and the transformative potential of Dr. Sarah’s coaching methods. Tune in for a raw, real, and inspirational look at Dr. Hensley's healing process in action.Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or one of her Hybrid Group Coaching Programs. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: @drsarahhensleyInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.
    Show More Show Less
    1 hr and 4 mins
  • Episode 31 | Forgiving the Unforgivable

    Episode 31 | Forgiving the Unforgivable
    Dec 17 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.Episode 31: Forgiving the UnforgivableIn this deeply moving episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah tackles the profound challenge of forgiving the unforgivable. She explains why forgiveness is vital for personal healing—even when there’s no apology—and how forgiveness is ultimately for your benefit, not for the person or situation that caused harm.Dr. Sarah begins by discussing the hope and transformation that true forgiveness can bring, clarifying that forgiveness doesn’t mean becoming boundaryless. Instead, it’s about releasing bitterness and resentment while maintaining respect for your own needs.She delves into the connection between forgiveness and attachment patterns, highlighting two common toxic responses: those who avoid forgiveness by leaving abruptly and those who stay in harmful situations due to anxiety. Dr. Sarah explores how bitterness often stems from a fear of being hurt again and acts as a shield that ultimately blocks healing.Drawing on research, she connects bitterness and unforgiveness to chronic illness, linking these emotions to an increased risk of stroke, heart attack, and even cancer. Dr. Sarah also reflects on her own experience with forgiveness after the death of her ex-husband, crediting her faith in God for helping her release anger and find peace.Midway through, Dr. Sarah explains how unforgiveness keeps us trapped in trauma responses and prevents nervous system regulation. She emphasizes that self-forgiveness is essential for true healing, describing the importance of “catch and correct” as a strategy for maintaining attachment security.The episode concludes with Dr. Sarah and Raina sharing personal reflections, including acknowledging positive qualities in their exes and taking accountability for their own past behaviors. They remind listeners that forgiveness isn’t about excusing others—it’s about freeing yourself.Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or one of her Hybrid Group Coaching Programs. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: the_dating_decoderInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyWhat is covered:·What is true forgiveness..The role forgiveness plays in our healing journeys. ·The toxic patterns of unforgiveness. ·The connection between chronic illness and unforgiveness. .How unforgiveness keeps us in a state of nervous system dysregulation. .The spiritual and psychological avenues to forgiveness. Consider/Ask Yourself:·Am I holding onto resentment and bitterness within my relationship?.How can I seek more forgiveness with those that have hurt me?·Am I exhibiting toxic behaviors associated with unforgiveness? .What resources can I seek out both spiritually and psychologically as a way to work on forgiveness?Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.
    Show More Show Less
    45 mins
  • Episode 30 | That's My Life Part II - The Rising of the Pheonix

    Episode 30 | That's My Life Part II - The Rising of the Pheonix
    Dec 10 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.Episode 30: That’s My Life Part II – The Rising of the PhoenixIn this deeply moving episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley continues the intimate recounting of her life story, picking up from the tumultuous events shared in Episode 29. This chapter delves into the darkest period of her life, unveiling the profound struggles that ultimately paved the way for her transformation.Dr. Hensley opens the episode by sharing the fallout of her first marriage, marked by her ex-husband’s battle with addiction and abusive behavior. Their relationship ended in a bitter custody battle, during which Dr. Hensley did everything in her power to help him rebuild his life for the sake of their children. However, his sudden marriage to another woman and his decision to redirect his life insurance policies to her left Sarah financially and emotionally shattered, raising their children on her own.The spiral deepened with the tragic news of her ex-husband’s death—a revelation she learned only after others, including her dismissive-avoidant ex-boyfriend, who broke the news to her best friend Raina before Sarah even knew. Adding to her grief, her mother was battling pancreatic cancer, and Sarah was reeling from a breakup with the same boyfriend who continued to breadcrumb her during her most vulnerable moments.At her lowest point, Dr. Hensley’s physical health began to deteriorate rapidly. She woke up one day with debilitating symptoms—her world a blur, everything spinning, and a sensation of walking on a trampoline. After months of misdiagnoses, she was finally diagnosed with vestibular migraines, a condition she was told she might have to live with forever. This was the breaking point where Dr. Hensley felt utterly hopeless, unable to work or care for her daughters.Seeking answers, she turned to therapy, including EMDR and ART, but neither provided relief. She was left wondering why no one was connecting her physical condition to the immense emotional trauma she had endured. It wasn’t until she discovered Alan Gordon’s podcast Tell Me About Your Pain that she began to understand the link between emotional trauma and physical ailments. This discovery set her on a path of healing through faith, science, and self-compassion.Dr. Hensley recounts how a close friend introduced her to Be In Health Ministries, where she began to experience profound spiritual healing, regaining 80% of her health. The remaining 20% came through her study of neuroplasticity and its relationship to pain, empowering her to rewrite her body’s story of trauma and reclaim her life.In the final moments of the episode, Dr. Hensley shares the tools and practices that transformed her life and now form the cornerstone of her coaching and teachings. With a thriving business, a loving marriage, and a peaceful heart, Dr. Hensley’s journey is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. She closes with a message of hope, encouraging listeners that no matter how dire the circumstances, they too can rise from the ashes like a phoenix.This episode is a powerful reminder that healing is possible, and even in the face of overwhelming adversity, a brighter future awaits.Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or one of her Hybrid Group Coaching Programs. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: the_dating_decoderInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyWhat is covered:·The continuation of Dr. Hensley's story..The death of her ex-husband and what led to it.·The story of her experience dating a dismissive avoidant.·The break up story between her ...
    Show More Show Less
    52 mins
  • Episode 29 | That's My Life

    Episode 29 | That's My Life
    Dec 3 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.

    Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

    In episode 29 of The Love Doc Podcast titled “That’s My Life,” Dr. Hensley takes listeners on an emotional journey through her life story. Beginning with her childhood, she candidly describes growing up with a bipolar father whose unpredictable moods created a home filled with anxiety and instability. She explores the dynamics between her parents, highlighting her mother’s unhappiness in the marriage, her Catholic faith that kept her from leaving, and the burdens she carried as the family’s financial provider.

    Dr. Hensley reflects on how these experiences shaped her early romantic relationships, sharing the trauma of her first love and the patterns that led her to tolerate toxic behavior. She dives into the pivotal moments of meeting and marrying her first husband, recounting the red flags she overlooked, the abuse she endured, and the heartbreaking decisions she made in an attempt to salvage the marriage—including having children during fleeting moments of sobriety.

    With raw honesty, Dr. Hensley shares painful details of domestic abuse, her ex-husband’s alcoholism, infidelity, and the events that ultimately led her to file for divorce. This deeply personal episode concludes with a teaser for part two, where she promises to share her inspiring journey of healing and resilience. Tune in if you’ve ever faced similar struggles and are ready to witness a story of rising from the ashes.

    Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

    Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

    Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

    Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

    Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

    Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

    Facebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensley

    What is covered:

    ·Dr. Hensley's childhood and how it shaped her.

    .Dr. Hensley's first romatic expereinces and how they shaped her.

    ·The story of how she met her first husband.

    ·The story of her abuse and her first husband's infidelity.

    .How she finally got the nerve to file for divorce.

    Consider/Ask Yourself:

    ·Can I relate to the type of childhood Dr. Hensley had?

    .How have my own childhood experiences shaped my choices in romantic partners?

    ·Can I relate to Dr. Hensley's first marriage?

    .If I can relate to Dr. Hensley's first marriage is it time for me to leave?

    Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.
    Show More Show Less
    1 hr and 3 mins
  • Episode 28 | The Self-Aware Narcissist with Special Guest "The Nameless Narcissist"

    Episode 28 | The Self-Aware Narcissist with Special Guest "The Nameless Narcissist"
    Nov 26 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.Episode 28: The Self-Aware Narcissist with Special Guest The Nameless NarcissistIn this captivating episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley sits down with “The Nameless Narcissist,” a self-aware content creator diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Through his TikTok content, he shares raw and insightful accounts of living with NPD, and Dr. Hensley reflects on how his perspective has deepened her understanding of the condition, especially its origins and impact on relationships.The episode begins with The Nameless Narcissist recounting his journey to self-awareness, including his path to an NPD diagnosis after two years of therapy. He candidly discusses the challenge of being diagnosed due to the nature of NPD, where manipulation and deflection can mask the true symptoms.Dr. Hensley then poses a compelling question: “What’s the one thing you wish people knew about NPD?” His answer highlights the human side of narcissism—that beneath the harmful behaviors, people with NPD still seek connection, worth, and love. He explains that while experts often understand the behaviors, they sometimes miss the underlying motivations.The conversation shifts to the role of control in narcissism. Dr. Hensley brings up a fascinating point from The Nameless Narcissist’s content—that control isn’t about achieving specific outcomes but proving one’s capability to control. This stems from a need for self-esteem regulation, a recurring theme in the discussion.Dr. Hensley shares her personal experience with a narcissistic ex-partner who was a serial cheater. She theorizes his behavior stemmed from a need for constant external validation, which The Nameless Narcissist connects back to the “grandiose highs” that regulate self-esteem.The Nameless Narcissist also delves into his healing journey, including how exploring his caregivers’ pain and trauma helped him release some of his childhood wounds. This insight into intergenerational trauma is a powerful reminder of the complexities behind NPD.The episode touches on the rare self-awareness among those with NPD, with research suggesting only 1% reach this stage. However, The Nameless Narcissist argues the true number is likely higher, as many may feel too much shame to admit their struggles publicly.Finally, the discussion turns to theories of narcissism’s origins. The Nameless Narcissist shares his perspective, describing grandiosity as a safety mechanism to counter deep feelings of unworthiness—a way to feel anything at all.Dr. Hensley wraps up by thanking The Nameless Narcissist for his bravery and empathy, both for those with NPD and for those who’ve been hurt by narcissistic behavior. She encourages listeners to explore his content for further understanding of NPD and its complexities.This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand narcissism through a lens of compassion, insight, and healing. Please go follow The Nameless Narcissit on all platforms @thenamelessnarcissist. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: the_dating_decoderInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyWhat is covered:·Who is The Nameless Narcissit and what is his story..The one thing you want people to know about Narcissitic Personality Disorder (NPD).· The role of control in narcissism.·The theory behind why some narcissist are serial cheaters..The theories behind why only 1% of those with NPD become self-aware. Consider/Ask Yourself:·Am I dealing with someone who has true...
    Show More Show Less
    53 mins
  • Episode 27 | The Anxious Pre-Occupied

    Episode 27 | The Anxious Pre-Occupied
    Nov 19 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting.Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.Episode 27 "The Anxious Pre-Occupied." In this insightful episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley delves into the intricate world of the anxious preoccupied (AP) attachment style, which she refers to as the “least common” attachment style she encounters in her practice. While many clients initially come to her thinking that they are AP, Dr. Hensley explains that they often turn out to be fearful avoidant (FA), but think they are AP becuase thier anxiety is heightened due to a dismissive partner. She begins by distinguishing the anxious preoccupied from the fearful avoidant attachment, emphasizing how their formation and behaviors differ.Dr. Hensley provides a thorough explanation of the key factor behind the development of AP attachment: intermittent reinforcement. She describes how AP individuals often experienced inconsistent love and affection from one or both caregivers during childhood. This unpredictability created anxiety and a deep-seated fear of not knowing when they would receive the love they craved.How AP Behaviors Show Up in RelationshipsDr. Hensley explains that anxious preoccupied behaviors in adulthood often stem from early coping mechanisms, including a fawning response. As children, they learned to please their caregivers to gain more consistent love and affection, which translates into adult tendencies of people-pleasing. During conflict, AP individuals often sacrifice their boundaries to maintain harmony and emotional safety, leaving them feeling as though their own needs are never met.A central wound of the AP is the fear of abandonment. Dr. Hensley shares how this manifests as a need to keep peace at all costs, leading AP individuals to apologize even when they don’t know what they’re apologizing for. The toxic trait of codependency frequently appears in their relationships, with APs adopting the belief that “if you’re not okay, I’m not okay.” This fear of abandonment drives them to prioritize their partner’s emotional state over their own, further entrenching unhealthy dynamics.Interestingly, Dr. Hensley notes that APs may sometimes appear dismissive or detached during conflict. However, this is not disassociation but rather a strategy to remain emotionally “safe” by staying silent. Internally, their nervous system is overwhelmed by intense emotions, but they struggle to release or process them.Steps Toward HealingMidway through the episode, Dr. Hensley shifts focus to practical strategies for AP individuals to heal and regain balance in their relationships. She emphasizes two foundational tools:1. Setting and Maintaining BoundariesAP individuals must learn to set clear, firm boundaries and resist the urge to self-abandon to please others.2. Improving CommunicationDr. Hensley highlights the importance of speaking up and addressing dissatisfaction directly instead of resorting to passive-aggressive behaviors, which stem from their fear of abandonment.By recognizing these patterns and intentionally shifting their behaviors, APs can move away from toxic submissiveness and toward healthier relational dynamics.Why AP Is the Least Seen Attachment StyleAs the episode nears its conclusion, Dr. Hensley shares why the anxious preoccupied is the least common attachment style in her practice. She attributes this to the AP’s deep-seated pride and belief that they can “fix” themselves and their relationships without outside help. AP individuals often tie their self-worth to the success of their relationships, perpetuating a cycle of self-reliance and resistance to professional support.Listener Q&A: Can Attachment Styles Shift?Dr. Hensley wraps up by answering a common question about attachment: Can someone shift from being AP to FA or DA? She clarifies that while all attachment styles share overlapping traits, it’s rare for a person to completely shift styles, except when progressing toward secure attachment. The core wounds of attachment are formed in childhood and cannot be undone, but healing is always possible.This episode is a must-listen for anyone struggling with AP tendencies or seeking to understand the nuances of attachment in relationships. Dr. Hensley’s compassionate approach and actionable ...
    Show More Show Less
    44 mins