The car theft business has been an integral part of the American automotive industry for decades. If it weren’t for widespread grand theft auto and stereo theft, we’d all still be driving reliable cars such as the 90’s Toyota Camrys or 00’s Honda CR-Vs. While many fear that the advances in cyber and physical security in newer vehicles may be the end of the theft driven auto industry of inner cities across America, new techniques have been shown to make state of the art self-driving cars even easier to hijack, capture and sell for a profit than their outdated counterparts. The new technology has even driven higher demand for the products from modern chop shops than ever before. This paper will outline methods to confuse, disable and take advantage of the state-of-the-art algorithms and sensors that modern autonomous vehicles are now equipped with to revitalize the domestic car-jacking economy. In this paper, we will test new autonomous vehicle hijacking techniques such as basic traps, artificial pedestrians, laser pointers, and a pheromone induced honey-pot lure.

Abstract: With the world population now above 8 billion and three-quarters of a billion households to visit thanks to more millennials and zoomers living alone, the task of delivering toys around the world in one night is becoming increasingly difficult. Though an expansion of the naughty-list has attempted to decrease this annual burden, the nice list continues to grow, despite what your grandpa has been saying about younger generations not being as good as his. While I’m not getting any spryer, cutting-edge research from our R&D department manages to make the one-night toy delivery possible without outsourcing to FedEx [1] which would void my contract and I would lose my immortality [2]. This year we have made incremental improvements in the one-night path planning process by implementing NSGA-II, refined the clone genetics, further advanced the Sleigh integrated flight systems, and tuned upgraded from reindeer to Ramjets, switched to a new vigor serum now that we can’t source white Rhino horn, and improved our logistical warehouse network by crushing a union. All the 2022 improvements are projected to increase our Time per Household (TPH) from 8.2us up to 11.6us despite the population increase.

Keywords: Christmas, Path Optimization, Traveling Salesman Problem, Cloning, Aeronautical Engineering, Aerial Countermeasures, Supersonic Flight, Super-human speed Vigor Serum, Parcel Delivery, Logistical Operations

Author of the immaterial science paper An Estimation of the Probability of a Coin Landing on its Edge, Dick Dau Swagg talks about edging, specifically what makes a coin more or less likely to land on an edge and his research podcast. The paper can be found here on the immaterial science subreddit.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ImmaterialScience/comments/1ggz5sg/this_paper_is_all_about_edging/#lightbox