The DNA of Mindful Relationships

By: Dilek Yucel & Alex Kain
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  • Summary

  • Dilek (Di) is an experienced Psychologist and Couples Therapist and Alex is...not. They are a couple who are building a consciously mindful relationship and who love to discuss the ups and downs of relationships with episodes about effective communication, having a fair fight and how to reduce the drama in your life. This podcast is not only for couples searching for ideas to enhance their relationship but also for single people seeking to establish a meaningful relationship. Di and Alex also dive into the world of non-intimate relationships such as work colleagues and parent-child interactions. Web: https://www.thednaofmindfulrelationships.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DNARelationships
    Dilek Yucel & Alex Kain
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Relationships Social Sciences
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Episodes
  • Ep 26 - Keeping the Romance Alive

    Ep 26 - Keeping the Romance Alive
    Dec 6 2020
    Alex's episode and Di interviews him •How to keep the romance alive beyond the honeymoon period •Love languages: •Acts of service •Acts of touch •Quality time •Gifts •Words of Affirmation •Who is responsible for romance? •Micro-romance •text messages •compliments •gratitude
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    34 mins
  • Ep 25 - Am I Co-Dependent

    Ep 25 - Am I Co-Dependent
    Nov 22 2020
    Do you use up all of your energy in meeting your partner's needs? Do you feel trapped in your relationship? Are you the one that is constantly making sacrifices? Then you just may be in a co-dependent relationship. Co-dependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of co-dependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity. Who Does Co-Dependency Affect? Co-dependency often affects a spouse, a parent, sibling, friend, or co-worker of a person afflicted with alcohol or drug dependence. Originally, co-dependent was a term used to describe partners in chemical dependency, persons living with, or in a relationship with an addicted person. Similar patterns have been seen in people in relationships with chronically or mentally ill individuals. Today, however, the term has broadened to describe any co-dependent person from any dysfunctional family. What Is A Dysfunctional Family And How Does It Lead To Co-Dependency? A dysfunctional family is one in which members suffer from fear, anger, pain, or shame that is ignored or denied. Underlying problems may include any of the following: •An addiction by a family member to drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, food, sex, or gambling. •The existence of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. •The presence of a family member suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness. •A family member that is highly irresponsible and allowed to get away with 'murder' Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. They don't talk about them or confront them. As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. They become "survivors." They develop behaviours that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. They detach themselves. They don't talk. They don't touch. They don't confront. They don't feel. They don't trust. Attention and energy focus on the family member who is ill or addicted. The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. When co-dependents place other people's health, welfare and safety before their own, they can lose contact with their own needs, desires, and sense of self. How Do Co-Dependent People Behave? Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to "be themselves." Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs or nicotine - and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviours like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity. They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr's role and become "benefactors" to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may "pull some strings" to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behaviour. The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the "benefactor." As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from "being needed." When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behaviour that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that sam...
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    32 mins
  • Ep 24 - Breaking Up is Hard to Do

    Ep 24 - Breaking Up is Hard to Do
    Nov 8 2020
    A relationship break up is one of the more stressful life events anyone could go through but sometimes its just plain necessary. Sign #1: A loss of the Us-ness •Do they tell the 'story of us' in positive playful way keeping irritability and emotional distance in the closet. •When negativity takes over its hard to remember the good times. Sign #2: Weak Fondness and Admiration •There is a major difference between couples who last and couples who separate. Happy couples tell their Story of Us with warmth, affection, and respect for each other. •Couples who break up tend to recall unfavourable first impressions with their partners. The words they use to describe their relationship feel cold. The story unhappy couples tell will focus on a major blow-up rather than a fun time or happy memory. Sign #3: Me-ness Dominates We-ness •Happy couples tell their stories with a sense of "we-ness," or of solidarity. You get the feeling that they are "in this together." Often their words show similar beliefs, values, and goals. •When the solidarity and togetherness is lost, partners often describe their history in a way that emphasizes how it affected them individually ("me-ness"), rather than as a couple. They prioritize getting what they want and ignore their partner's needs. •Unhappy couples become gridlocked by negative arguments because they are focusing on me, not we. When they each try to win, there is no solidarity in the relationship. Sign #4: Impersonal Details of Partners •When couples have vivid and distinct memories of each other, it's a sign that they understand and respect each other, and that they know each other well and do their best to be there for each other. It's important to know what makes your partner sad or happy, or what your partner cares about. •Couples who lack this connection do not reminisce with humour or vivid memories. They talk about their history in an impersonal way, mentioning nothing specific about each other. Sign #5: Relationship Struggles Push You Apart •Couples who talk about their history as chaotic are often unhappy. The stories they share are not about pulling together , or of making light of them even if they were difficult at the time. It's clear that the past troubles and conflicts did not strengthen their bond. It pushed them apart. •What matters is how couples interpret the negative and positive events in their history. Even if there are a number of negative events, happy couples can discuss how they grew together from those events-even if they resulted in a temporary disconnection. Sign #6: The Relationship Falls Short of Your Expectations •It's a clear sign a couple is at a risk of splitting when one partner expresses disappointment in how the relationship has ended up. When these partners recall choices in the past, they often express cynicism about long-term commitment. And when they make those cynical statements, they are short, and they don't try to explain nuances of the situation.
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    35 mins

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