Our guest, Markus, joins us today to talk about insecurity, loss, and goals. As usual we find that our seemingly unrelated topics actually have a lot to do with each other. First, we throw an idea around- insecurity- and how we believe it shapes the ways in which we show up in the world- needing to appear larger than life, or, on the other end of the spectrum- constantly apologizing for existing...In essence, it’s a need to be something that is anything other than the right amount of space that we take up in the world- a general insecurity that who we are isn’t enough. So how did we get that way? We propose the idea that insecurity is built from painful experiences that have created fears in our lives. When we experience pain and loss we develop fears- fear of being abandoned, fear of not being accepted, fear of being seen....in order to deal with these fears we took on these personalities-maybe we became a perfectionist, acted the victim, or strived for perfection...In recovery, we bring many of these skewed personalities with us, and it may even be astonishing that this is not who we really are! Who are we, then? It may help to identify what we’re attracted to in others, such as honesty and kindness. Maybe it’s getting back to who we used to be when we were a child- brave and curious...We discuss what spiritual principles are and how we can use them to find our authentic selves- courage itself is actually a solution to move through fear, honesty helps us to examine our fears, trusting others helps us believe there’s a way out from the fear. We act on these goals, despite how we feel, and we start to bloom into the versions of us that were meant to be. We stop apologizing for who we are, overcompensating for who we’re not, feeling the need to be perfect, or thinking that we require saving...by acting on our values and surrounding ourselves with those who do the same, we become the people we were always meant to be. Welcome to security, serenity, and joy.

Tool References: Right Sizing My Space (Toolkit 3), My Authentic Self (Toolkit 3)