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"Single mothers are essentially the unofficial reserve army of prevention agents in this country and around the world." - Jess Hill

In this episode, David and Ruth speak with Australian experts Jess Hill and Professor Michael Salter about their groundbreaking paper challenging current approaches to preventing gender-based violence. With Australia's commitment to end gender-based violence within a generation, yet concerning increases in sexual violence and domestic homicides, this timely discussion explores why traditional prevention strategies focused on changing social norms and attitudes have fallen short.

Key points discussed include:

• The limitations of measuring prevention success through attitude surveys rather than actual reductions in violence
• Why structural interventions and accountability are essential alongside education efforts
• The need to focus resources on high-risk scenarios and populations, particularly traumatized youth
• How systems often fail to provide practical help when survivors, especially young people, disclose abuse
• The importance of shifting from "calling out" to "calling in" approaches when addressing harmful behaviors
• Why prevention efforts must acknowledge the reality that most people have been impacted by violence rather than assuming a "clean slate"

Related episodes:

• Season 2 Episode 12: How Coercive Control Harms Child Safety & Wellbeing: An Interview With Jess Hill

Additional Resources:

• See What You Made Me Do: Power, Control and Domestic Abuse by Jess Hill
• Childlight Research Centre - University of New South Wales

Join us in-person or online 18-20 March 2025 for the Safe & Together Institute Coercive Control and Children Conference. The event includes a family law track featuring judicial leadership, survivors and lawyers. Whether in Australia or across the globe, you will gain 12 month access to recordings of every session. Register now!

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a text

In this episode, David and Ruth explore why coercive control must be at the center of how we understand the impact of domestic abuse on children. Moving beyond just focusing on physical violence or whether children "witnessed" abuse, they discuss how perpetrators' patterns of behavior can devastate children's wellbeing in multiple ways.

David and Ruth examine how coercive control by perpetrators can rob children of vital resources including economic stability, healthcare, education, family connections, and safety. They discuss how these patterns intersect with systemic oppression and vulnerabilities, creating additional layers of harm that perpetrators exploit.

The conversation highlights how a coercive control framework helps professionals better assess perpetrators' harmful parenting choices, understand survivors' protective efforts, and make more informed decisions about child safety. The hosts emphasize the importance of documenting specific harms to children and challenging perpetrators who use culture or religion to justify control.

They emphasize that the costs of not addressing these issues - in terms of children's wellbeing and broader societal impact - are too high to ignore.

Related Episodes

Season 2 Episode 12: How Coercive Control Harms Child Safety & Wellbeing: An Interview With Researcher Dr. Emma Katz

Season 2 Episode 10: Trauma-Informed Is Not The Same As Domestic Violence-Informed: A Conversation About The Intersection Of Domestic Violence Perpetration, Mental Health & Addiction

Season 1 Episode 1: Coercive Control And Consent

Join us in-person or online 18-20 March 2025 for the Safe & Together Institute Coercive Control and Children Conference. The event includes a family law track featuring judicial leadership, survivors and lawyers. Whether in Australia or across the globe, you will gain 12 month access to recordings of every session. Register now!

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a text

In this thought-provoking first episode of 2025, David and Ruth explore how displacement-based responses to domestic violence reflect and reinforce gender double standards while often creating additional vulnerabilities for survivors and their children. Recording from the Azores, they examine how the expectation that victims must leave their homes to find safety places unfair burdens on survivors while failing to hold perpetrators accountable.

Key discussion points include:

• How displacement-based responses arose historically when women had limited legal and economic rights
• Why forcing survivors to leave their homes, financial assets, and support networks creates new vulnerabilities
• How displacement can enable post-separation coercive control and increase risks to children
• The limitations of defining "safety" only in terms of immediate physical danger or lethality
• Why systems need to expand their definition of safety to include stability, wellbeing, and survivor autonomy
• How child protection and other systems can inadvertently punish survivors who don't leave while failing to hold perpetrators accountable for creating unsafe conditions

David and Ruth discuss concrete ways to move beyond displacement-based practices, including:

• Centering survivor choice, autonomy and definitions of safety/wellbeing
• Holding perpetrators accountable for how their behavior disrupts family stability
• Creating a fuller range of intervention options beyond emergency shelter
• Reframing "failure to protect" to focus on perpetrators' choices that endanger children

Check out these related episodes
Season 5 Episode 12: Challenging the Gospel of Sacrifice: Faith, Domestic Abuse, and Institutional Transformation

Season 5 Episode 9: Partnering vs. Practicing: The Hidden Bias in Professional Crisis Work

Join us in-person or online 18-20 March 2025 for the Safe & Together Institute Coercive Control and Children Conference. The event includes a family law track featuring judicial leadership, survivors and lawyers. Whether in Australia or across the globe, you will gain 12 month access to recordings of every session. Register now!

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a text

What if understanding power dynamics could transform the way we approach domestic abuse and trauma? Join us for this special live recording of the "Partner with a Survivor" podcast, where we invite you to explore the delicate intricacies of relationships alongside hosts David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo from the Safe and Together Institute.

Ruth, known for her "Cranky Survivor" persona, opens up about how this unique character serves as both a personal expression and a strategic response to the challenges faced by victim survivors when dealing with institutional behaviors & professional biases. Together, we navigate the critical importance of embracing survivor feedback—anger and all—while we unravel the deeply ingrained social and gender biases within professional practices.

Dive into the heart of coercive control and break down the complex layers of what is called "mutualized" violence, which we call 'acts of resistance' to a perpetrator's coercion & harm. Our conversation challenges the status quo by examining who truly holds power and control in relationships, especially in contexts riddled with bias against marginalized women. We don't shy away from the difficult but necessary task of confronting systemic issues and weaponized responses to survivor anger, urging professionals to recognize anger as a healthy and natural response to boundary violations. In this episode, we champion the importance of safe environments for survivors to express their emotions and set boundaries, particularly in the face of systemic challenges.

As we wrap up, we shift our focus to the evolving language within the Safe and Together framework. By moving away from North American-centric jargon, we aim to align with global conversations and maintain core principles through adaptable language. The episode concludes with a discussion on fostering healthy professional relationships, emphasizing collaboration across genders to ensure child and community safety.

Reflect with us on how these insights can be applied in your own life, and help us continue our mission by sharing your feedback and suggestions for future topics.

Listen to prior episodes about professionals, victim blaming, acts of resistance & power dynamics:

https://safeandtogethe

Join us in-person or online 18-20 March 2025 for the Safe & Together Institute Coercive Control and Children Conference. The event includes a family law track featuring judicial leadership, survivors and lawyers. Whether in Australia or across the globe, you will gain 12 month access to recordings of every session. Register now!

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a text

What if the institutions we turn to for solace are also be the ones trapping us in cycles of harm? That's the challenging reality we confront in our latest episode featuring Reverend Geneece Goertzen, affectionately known as Rev. Gen. A survivor of domestic violence herself, Rev. Gen brings a deeply personal perspective to the table, sharing insights from her book "Taking it Seriously: A Faith Leader's Guide to Domestic Violence." Her story is not just one of survival but also of transformation, as she navigates the complex role of religious institutions in both supporting and, at times, failing their communities.

The episode takes a hard look at the concept of institutional betrayal within faith communities. Often, religious institutions prioritize their preservation over the well-being of individuals, inadvertently perpetuating abuse. We explore the cultural dynamics that contribute to this betrayal and the severe impact it has on survivors' mental health and faith. By addressing these systemic issues, we aim to uncover how these institutions can evolve to offer genuine support and protection to those in need, rather than acting as barriers to justice and healing.

Finally, Ruth, David and Rev. Gen discuss how to challenge traditional gender roles and societal norms that can exacerbate domestic violence. Together we explore what a new reality might look like: What if these same institutions could shift their focus to how a domestic abuse perpetrators' behaviors threaten their own spiritual health, the spiritual health of the family, and their religious community?

Rev. Gen provides practical advice for faith leaders on how they can be allies to victims, highlighting the importance of comprehensive education and the integration of licensed therapists into faith communities. Through this episode, we envision a path toward transformation, where love, acceptance, and support genuinely resonate within religious frameworks.

Check out these resources from Rev. Gen
Read her book "Taking it Seriously: A Faith Leader's Guide to Domestic Violence."
Vist Rev. Gen's website

Check out these related resources

Join us in-person or online 18-20 March 2025 for the Safe & Together Institute Coercive Control and Children Conference. The event includes a family law track featuring judicial leadership, survivors and lawyers. Whether in Australia or across the globe, you will gain 12 month access to recordings of every session. Register now!

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a text

Unlock the secrets to supporting children affected by domestic abuse with insights from Dr. Asha Patel, CEO of Innovating Minds. In this episode, we explore innovative approaches like the Healing Together program, which integrates trauma-informed principles, neuroscience, and attachment models to help children manage their emotions. Dr. Patel shares her journey from working with high-profile offenders to founding Innovating Minds, with a mission to provide early support for children often mislabeled as "naughty" and excluded from education. Discover how digital access is pivotal for equitable scalability and the importance of training frontline practitioners to extend the program's reach.

We'll shed light on the complex challenges of providing timely support to children exposed to domestic abuse and the critical role of supportive relationships in their healing process. Misconceptions about waiting for the perfect moment to offer help are debunked, and the necessity of multiple pathways to access programs, beyond court orders, is underscored. The conversation also delves into the hurdles marginalized communities face with official systems and highlights the importance of trauma-informed and domestic abuse-informed approaches within mental health services.

Explore the profound impact of early intervention and prevention models across the UK, focusing on the integration of the Healing Together program in schools and children's homes. We examine the unique trauma children face when in contact with abusive parents and the potential for misdiagnoses. Understand the importance of recognizing trauma in the context of coercive control, beyond just physical abuse. Finally, we emphasize the power of fostering healing through mindful practices and how resilience and recovery can be significantly enhanced for both child survivors and their caregivers.

Learn more about Innovating Minds and the Healing Together programme

Related Episodes
Season 5 Episode 7: Childhood Domestic Violence Exposure is “Pivotal”: An Interview with Professor Higgins

Join us in-person or online 18-20 March 2025 for the Safe & Together Institute Coercive Control and Children Conference. The event includes a family law track featuring judicial leadership, survivors and lawyers. Whether in Australia or across the globe, you will gain 12 month access to recordings of every session. Register now!

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a text

📝 In this thought-provoking episode, we explore the nuanced intersection of father engagement and domestic abuse-informed practice with Chris Brown, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI). Our conversation examines how we can thoughtfully promote father involvement while maintaining high standards for men as parents, disrupting gender double standards and keeping the safety and long term wellbeing of children at the center.

🎯 **Key Topics:**
• The historical context behind NFI's founding and evolution of fatherhood programs
• Examining father absence through a domestic abuse-informed lens
• Balancing father engagement with survivor safety and well-being
• The importance of holding perpetrators accountable as parents
• Building community capacity to support safe, stable father involvement

💭 **Notable Quotes:**
"We need to acknowledge fathers as key caregivers while having high expectations for their behavior as parents. Supporting father involvement can't come at the expense of adult and child survivor safety." - David Mandel

"When we talk about father absence, we have to look at the whole picture - including how perpetrator patterns of coercive control contribute to family separation." - Ruth Reymundo Mandel

✨ **Key Takeaways:**
• The need to integrate domestic abuse screening and safety protocols into fatherhood programs
• How gender bias impacts our expectations of fathers vs mothers
• The importance of early intervention to develop parenting skills in boys and young men
• Strategies for practitioners to engage fathers while partnering with survivors

📚 **Resources Mentioned:**
• Safe & Together's Working with Men as Parents training
• Multiple Pathways to Harm framework
• NFI's fatherhood program resources
• Domestic abuse-informed engagement strategies

🔗 **Connect with NFI:**
[https://www.fatherhood.org/](https://www.fatherhood.org/)

🔗 **Connect with Safe & Together Institute:**
[https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/](https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/)
[https://academy.safeandtogetherinstitute.com/pages/home](https://academy.safeandtogetherinstitute.com/pages/home)

Join us next time as we continue exploring domestic

Join us in-person or online 18-20 March 2025 for the Safe & Together Institute Coercive Control and Children Conference. The event includes a family law track featuring judicial leadership, survivors and lawyers. Whether in Australia or across the globe, you will gain 12 month access to recordings of every session. Register now!

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a text

🔄 Transforming Professional Standards
Join us from São Miguel, Azores, Ruth's paternal ancestral home, as we challenge conventional metrics of professionalism and explore how institutional practices, mandates, best practices often reinforce dangerous barriers between professionals and survivors of domestic abuse. We examine what true Partnership looks like when we step beyond traditional professional boundaries.

📊 Measuring What Matters:
• Evaluating professional success through survivor partnership outcomes
• Identifying KPIs, practices & policies that perpetuate professional bias & poor outcomes
• Tracking meaningful engagement and Impact versus procedural compliance, top down best practices not tied to end user experience

🚫 Confronting Professional Bias:
• Recognizing when "professionalism" becomes a barrier to authentic connection
• Understanding how institutional metrics can reinforce harmful power dynamics
• Examining personal and systemic prejudices in professional practice

⚖️ Institutional Accountability:
• Creating measurements for authentic survivor engagement
• Developing metrics that value survivor voice and choice
• Establishing KPIs that promote genuine Partnering

💡 Shifting Professional Culture:
• Moving from expert-driven top-down practice to Partnering and end user impact-based practice
• Redefining success in professional-survivor relationships
• Building institutional, training and policy support for transformative practice

🎯 Action Steps for Change:
• Implementing survivor-centered performance metrics
• Developing reflection tools for professional bias
• Creating accountability systems for authentic partnership

Join our global network as we work to transform how professionals engage with survivors and measure success in domestic abuse-informed practice.

🔗 Access our professional development resources at https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/

📱 Connect with our community of practice at https://academy.safeandtogetherinstitute.com/pages/home?preview=true

#ProfessionalismRedefined #SystemsChange #Partnering #Professionalstandards #Bestpractices #SafeAndTogether

Join us in-person or online 18-20 March 2025 for the Safe & Together Institute Coercive Control and Children Conference. The event includes a family law track featuring judicial leadership, survivors and lawyers. Whether in Australia or across the globe, you will gain 12 month access to recordings of every session. Register now!

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events