Our early experiences with our caregivers creates a blueprint that influences how we trust, connect, and build relationships in adulthood. We call that blueprint our attachment style. And to keep it simple, that style will either be secure (ideally) or insecure (more likely).

If you suspect or know that you have an insecure attachment style, don’t lose hope—healing is possible. And it often happens through our adult relationships—when we choose partners who help us feel safe, who show up for us consistently, who speak the truth, and who navigate conflict in ways that make us feel seen rather than abandoned.

But what happens when your relationship model isn’t monogamy? Can you still find emotional security and healing in non-monogamous relationships? For those with a secure attachment style, non-monogamy may feel natural. But for individuals with an insecure attachment style or who have unresolved trauma, it can magnify challenges like jealousy, fear of abandonment, and emotional withdrawal.

Today, I’m joined by Jessica Fern, therapist and author of Polysecure, to explore the intersection of attachment, trauma, and non-monogamy. Jessica’s work offers hope and actionable tools for building emotional security—even in non-traditional relationship models.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How attachment styles profoundly impact our adult relationships.
• How insecure attachment styles differ from secure attachment styles in non-monogamous relationships.
• Practical strategies to foster emotional security, no matter your relationship structure.

Whether you’re monogamous, polyamorous, or exploring open relationships, this episode will provide valuable insights into how attachment and trauma shape our love lives—and how we can heal.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES

Mindful Care

Befriending Your Nervous System: Looking Through the Lens of Polyvagal Theory

Polyvagal Prompts: Finding Connection and Joy through Guided Explorations

Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non Monogamy by Jessica Fern

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Preston Smith.

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