The #Tigers' hot start, stoked by the bullpen and defense, begins to fizzle as the offense continues to sputter. Somehow the 90 feet between home plate and first base become the most dangerous real estate on Earth for #WhiteSox stars Eloy Jimenez, Luis Rober Jr., and Yoan Moncada. ASKHOLE? If forced to choose one, would Sox fans now prefer Tony La Russa to Pedro Grifol as manager? And could this be the likely outcome if Grifil's follies continue? It only took FIVE INNINGS to expose Jed Hoyer's lack of planning and how thin the #Cubs rotation truly is when Justin Steele went down with a hamstring injury to start the season. Panic or Patience? How should fans react as #SFGiants get off to a disappointingly slow start? Fuck it, if the #Athletics are going to act like a Minor League ballclub, why not play in a Minor League ballpark? Say hello to the Sacramento Triple-A's! As disappointing as the #WhiteSox have been collectively, individual dominance from Garrett Crochet and Gavin Sheets warrants consideration for Badass of the Week. ASSTHETICS: Everyone keeps piling on #MLB, #Nike, and #Fantics for their embarrassingly shabby uniforms, so why wouldn't we join in? Romel Blanco throws a very unlikely No-No of the Week for the #Asros. if the #Dodgers s had simply learned to do the right thing and not lie, they could have avoided earning another Asshole of the Week dishonor after strongarming a fan into giving up a Shohei Ohtani HR ball for fractions of a penny on the dollar.

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It's Baseball fucking Eve and we've got ALL the useless 2024 #MLB season predictions you could possibly ask for. You're welcome. It's been a week since the Shohei Ohtani gambling scandal came to light, yet the whole story remains like an onion — the more layers you peel back, the more it stinks. The #Cubs are rumored to face the #Dodgers next March in Tokyo to kick off the 2025 MLB season. No one will shed a tear for super-agent Scott Boras as he goes 0-4 in big-name free-agent signings this offseason while Jordan Montgomery settles for one year and only $25M guaranteed with the #Diamondbacks when a nine-figure, multi-year deal was promised by most. Matt Manning not making the #Tigers Opening Day roster is a testament to their rotation depth and proof AJ Hinch isn't fucking around. WEB: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://soxtypething.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ SHOP: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://assthetics.shop/⁠

#OpeningDay is Thursday, March 28 but that couldn't stop #MLB from starting the season in the middle of the night in Korea as their ill-fated quest for global domination featured bomb threats and equipment failures. Trading Dylan Cease to the #Padres was the final nail in the coffin for the previous #WhtieSox rebuild, but it was the right thing for everyone involved. History will repeat itself 123 years later as Garrett Crochet makes his first start as the Opening Day "opener." Michael Kopech's demotion to the bullpen might be the best thing for his career. Infamous #Cubs legend (allegedly), Sammy Sosa returned to Chicago for the first time in 17 years to remind us what a legendary phony he is to earn our Asshole of the Week dishonor. The short-term, high-average annual value deal is a win-win #SFGiants and Blake Snell and another loss for agent Scott Boras. Can Bob Melvin steer the #Giants back to championship form built on pitching and defense? Colt Keith and Parker Meadows could be fighting each other for AL Rookie of the Year as the #Tigers system continues to develop impactful young talent. Lance Lynn and Angel Hernandez make fools of themselves as Shit We Couln'd t Make Up makes a triumphant return. BREAKING: Shohei Ohtani's name gets dragged into a federal investigation into an illegal gambling ring, but his inconsistent story might drag the #Dodgers star deeper into an emerging scandal.

#Tigers top pitching prospect Jackson Jobe made an electrifying MLB Spring Training debut and could soon be a part of a young and deep rotation in Detroit. Rumor has it the #Yankees, #Rangers, #Padres, (and #Cubs?) are blowing up Chris Getz' cell with serious trade offers for Dylan Cease. Could some good old-fashioned positive regression lead to a better '24 season than most expect from the #WhiteSox? It couldn't be any worse than '23, could it? JaemsonTaillon's balky back exposes a dangerously thin #Cubs starting rotation, but could Blake Snell, Jordan Montgomery, or even Cease be the answer this late in the game? Top prospect Pete Crow-Armstrong continues to look overmatched by Big League velocity. Fortunately, he has time to continue to develop on the smaller stage. ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK: Is Farhan Zaidi an asshole for screwing J.D. Davis out of $6M or is MLBPA Executive Director Tony Clark the asshole for not closing the CBA loophole the #SFGiants exploited to do so? National media is finally catching on that Oakland A's Chief Minister of Propaganda David Kaval is just a used car salesman and #Athletics owner John Fisher is a fool who just happened to inherit a bunch of money from his parents.

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Yet another set of bullshit renderings emerged for a potential new #Athletics stadium in Las Vegas that may never exist. Buckle up for a tumultuous "Summer of Sell" in Oakland as A's fans plan to wage war against team president David Kaval and owner John Fisher. Matt Chapman is headed back to the Bay Area with a 3-year, $54M deal that is a win-win for himself and the #SFGiants, but another L for superagent Scott Boras. Impatient #Tigers fans are already missing the big picture as team president Scott Harris favors young talent over bad free agent deals that Detroit should be familiar with. A convoluted "financing partnership" is really a thinly veiled leverage ploy by #DaBears to get a better property tax deal out in Arlington Heights and a way for Jerry Reinsdorf and the #WhiteSox to remain in the hunt for Illinois taxpayer money. But is it also a step toward #Dolphins owner Stephen Ross buying the Sox? ASSTHETICS: "Fitted in Black" captures the moment the #WhiteSox found themselves at the apex of sports branding and pop culture in the early 1990s. Which Cody Bellinger will we see? What is the "Craig Counsell Effect"? Is Justin Steele a true ace? Can Christopher Morel play 3B? How will Shota Imanaga adapt to #MLB? These are just a few top storylines going into a pivotal #Cubs 2024 season. #Cubs legend and #WorldSeries champion Kris Bryant sounds as emotionally fractured as his body has become as he chooses to fade away in Colorado with the floundering #Rockies. WEB: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://soxtypething.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ SHOP: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://assthetics.shop/⁠

Scott Boras was the only loser as the #Cubs inevitably signed Cody Bellinger to a 3-year, $80M contract. So what's their next move to actually improve last year's roster?

Tom Ricketts STILL hasn't learned he should shut the fuck up about money.

Jerry Reinsdorf is working on new, and more devious ways to extort massive sums of money from Illinois taxpayers.

Former #WiteSox favorites, Liam Hendriks and Tim Anderson find new homes.

ASSTHETICS #1: Everybody HATES the new Nike/Fanatics uniforms.

ASSTHETICS #2: #Tigers join a long list of teams to get Nike City Connect uniforms in 2024

Five storylines fans in Detroit will be watching this season.

#SFGiant signing Jorge Soler makes a lot of sense, but adding Pablo Sandoval sounds more like an ill-conceived marketing stunt.

John Fisher is the common denominator in his failure to find a place for his #Athletics to play in the short and long term.

Rob Manfred is so incompetent that he botched his own retirement announcement.

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A South Loop ballpark makes perfect business sense, but could it come at the cost of the #WhiteSox' South Side identity? | John Schriffen is the new voice of the Sox | Shocking: NOW Yoan Moncada is finally "motivated" coming into a contract year | It would be gross negligence NOT to trade Dylan Cease before Spring Training begins | The 2005 Sox vs. 2016 Cubs winner is obvious, right? | Jed Hoyer and the #Cubs may be playing the long game perfectly with Scott Boras and Cody Bellinger, but the rotation and bullpen still need to be addressed in a big way | Does the Colt Keith deal mark a new era in #Tigers baseball? | Could the infamously penny-wise and pound-foolish #Athletics actually DISBAND before their inevitable move to Las Vegas? | ASSTHETICS: #Yankees, #Nats, and #Marlins release underwhelming new uniforms

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Farhan Zaidi is playing a high-risk, high-reward game with the #SFGiants 2024 season trading for an injured Robbie Ray and signing Jordan Hicks as a starter | At least Jed Hoyer is being honest when he tells #Cubs fans he's conning us right to our faces | The Royal-ization of the #WhiteSox continues with Assistant GM Jin Wong hiring, but what is the plan signing 36-year old Martín Maldonado? | Wander Franco is an asshole and may be going away for a long time

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