Jo and J.J. welcome the inspirational Reb, Transformational Life Coach who is the driving force behind the Rise With Reb programs and community. Reb shares how she went from a wheelchair to walking, despite what the doctors said. She, Jo, and J.J. discuss why it’s so hard to let go of old habits, the responsibility we have of sharing our story on social media, the importance of advocating for yourself and doing your own research, and how not to live in a pity fest. 

Takeaway:

[2:02] Reb takes her own experience of overcoming physical, mental, and emotional challenges and now helps other women take control of their health and build up confidence. 

[4:48] We can really begin to work on ourselves when we take a good hard look at our own destructive willful patterns and our drive behind them. Reb shares how she got out of a bad relationship and realized it no longer served her to both be in the relationship and emotionally manipulate herself into thinking she needed a partner to be happy. 

[6:02] It can be a long road to forgive ourselves for enduring abuse and partaking in bad habits, but it is a true weight to let go of guilt and shame. 

[8:21] Reb talks about her fibromyalgia, and how she sought two types of therapy to really begin to process the childhood trauma and heal her body from the inside out.

[10:22] The more we heal ourselves, the more we can show up and be of service to others in a way that doesn’t drain us or leave us depleted. 

[11:51] There is a fear of letting go of our habits because they have been so deeply entrenched in our identity and how we make decisions. They keep us rooted. Jo shares that her stubbornness and willful behavior can be demonstrated in eating items that she knows don’t serve her health, and believing what her inner critic has to say. 

[16:03] People can take the first baby steps by admitting they are terrified, but still moving towards growth. 

[17:11] Jo talks about the phenomenon that we have different aspects within ourselves, much like an orchestra and the different chairs and positions. We can choose which “musician” or subpersonality comes out, and use it to our advantage in our personal and professional lives. J.J. explains why she may not like this way of thinking, but can see the analogy and some benefits, as long as it doesn’t block us or help us make excuses. 

[23:33] Reb lost followers when she chose to focus her content on recovery and body positivity. J.J. and Jo discuss how a collective should be a space where we rise up together.  If people are dragging each other down, even unintentionally, it can get really toxic really fast. 

[27:45] It’s a hard line to see and be able to catch yourself to see if you are wallowing, or sharing. It’s even harder and more complicated to call people out and stop them from wallowing, but it is really an act of love. 

[32:59] Reb feels free in speaking her belief because it comes from her heart. You can’t cancel her! 

[35:11] Re talks about her morning routine that serves her mental and physical health. Things don’t have to be perfect, but we can do the best we can every way and also lovingly call ourselves out when we aren’t doing what we know we need to do. If you fall off your routine, notice it, and then do better. 

[41:11] Reb waited 6 years to see a specialist, and realized when she finally saw them that she herself had already done so much research that she knew pretty much everything they had suggested. 

[42:09] What’s next for Reb? Creating a programme that helps people tap into their intuition and discover their power and confidence. Her vision is to create a programme that the NHS can refer to that features a network of healers and coaches in many different modalities. 

Connect With Us:

Joanna Denton | Dr. J.J. Kelly

Reb:

Rise with Reb |  Twitter | Instagram | Podcast 

There is a heaviness in the air, with plenty of opportunities to focus on emotional intelligence and mental health recently between World Suicide Prevention Day and the 20th anniversary of 9/11. Today Jo and J.J. focus on grief, both from the perspective of the griever and from the person trying to comfort others through their grief. Too many people don’t know what to say or how to comfort someone who is facing loss, leaving the griever feeling even worse than they already did. Jo and J.J. explore the right approach to carrying ourselves and others through grief. Jo also shares an experience about willfulness and effectiveness in DBT and why people really need to learn to let go of the need to be right and just accept what is. They talk about defining values, setting boundaries, and, on a lighter note, why #begrannymolly is Jo’s new life goal.

Takeaway:

[1:21] J.J. reflects on her experience of being rescued from the draining aftermath of 9/11 and how she has drawn a hard line to protect herself on the 20th anniversary. For her, this meant avoiding social media, documentaries, and deliberately filling her energy up.

[6:58] Reaching out on a personal level when someone is grieving about anything matters, but the overused phrase “I’m sorry for your loss” is probably the wrong thing to say.  Jo offers a few statements that you can try instead.

[11:27] Too many people are afraid of facing death, or even talking about it. But that can lead to even greater hurt for the people that are grieving and surrounded by people who don’t know what to say because they haven’t figured out how to manage their own anxiety about death and loss.

[15:50] Side story — Jo’s 93-year-old Granny Molly was a member of the Geriatric Mafia - think three little old ladies (one registered blind, one deaf as a post and the third one with a dodgy hip) causing havoc on the bus and in the supermarket #begrannymolly.

[18:29] Everyone has to find the balance between the need to be right with the need to be effective. In DBT terms the behavior that gets in the way of being effective is called willfulness, which is just about the least offensive way to talk about stubborn, offensive, messed up behavior.

[21:03] How do you decide when to go into battle and when to walk away? Define your values, and if a situation is toxic, you have the right to walk away from it. The next step is to determine how far you need to go to get support from others, especially in work relationships between managers and employees.

[25:43] The physical reactions that you experience in tense situations can help you identify your anxiety level and decide how you should move forward. You can’t waste too much of your time worrying about what other people might be thinking about your actions.

[28:06] J.J. has found a new role model in Jo’s rock star family!

Connect With Us:

Joanna Denton | Dr. J.J. Kelly

They’re baaack! Jo and J.J. kick off Season 2 the only way they know how - by spelling out that sometimes we can get this emotional intelligence piece wrong.  Many well intentioned leaders approach emotional intelligence as a tick box exercise, merely going through the motions, rather than really understanding the objective.  That faux emotional intelligence in corporate societies will likely try to cover up a more self serving agenda. Jo brings an article on the topic from the Harvard Business Review, and it leads to her and J.J. discussing how to spot inauthentic emotional intelligence, how we can develop actual skills to listen to what people really need, and why modern day EQ can seem so darn self serving. Also, J.J. shares an update on her third book, and what the process of finishing it is kicking up for her emotionally. 

Takeaway:

[2:11] J.J. shares an update on her third book, and it’s going to stir up a lot of stuff about the ego and narcissism, but it made her laugh, so that’s a good sign. She and Jo discuss the process of writing and how the sweet spot is always on the other side of the fear. 

[10:30] Fun fact for those who may not know: VAT stands for “value added taxes”.   Who knew?

[11:15] Jo reads from Harvard Business Review’s article, Is Your Emotional Intelligence Authentic or Is It Self-Serving? 

The author writes about three most common emotional intelligence counterfeits he has seen leaders get trapped in: 

1. A need to be the hero disguised as empathy. 
2. A need to be right masquerading as active listening. 
3. A need for approval dressed up as self-awareness. 

[14:51] If some of these describe you, don’t panic! It doesn’t mean you are an awful person, we are often trained to do these to fit into our job or the larger thread of society. 

[18:17] We can feel the energy of inauthenticity on a primal level. 

[21:54] The White Knight syndrome is a co-dependent move where you think you are more together than everyone you socialize, and only you can help them. The Sexist Rescuer is also the person that swoops in to “help” someone and save them from sexism, but with a need to be recognized attached to it. 

[23:47] Emotional intelligence only works if you are asking yourself the hard questions. We may get a hit of shame, but it’s our only chance of moving forward. If you are in a group considered the minority, it is your responsibility to do the work on what triggers you and your blind spots. 

[29:12] There is verbal and emotional abuse veiled in emotional intelligence, which is the worst kind of abuse of power, and it’s up to us to take a hard look at ourselves and acknowledge our blind spots. 

Connect With Us:

Joanna Denton | Dr. J.J. Kelly

 Is Your Emotional Intelligence Authentic or Is It Self-Serving? 

Madonna Inn