S6 Episode 5: "I Love Him or Her" is Never a Defense or Excuse for Bad Behavior

Episode Summary

We all know that love is not enough to sustain a relationship. It should also never be used as a justification to stay with a partner who treats you poorly. Relationships that are worth fighting for are based on respect, empathy, trust and communication. If your relationship is missing the foundational pieces, it will not last.

Moreover, love needs to be reciprocated in a partnership. You chose this person for a reason. They are supposed to be your support system, not a destructive force in your life. When you allow your partner to behave in a counter-productive manner, you are enabling the unhealthy behavior. Do not tolerate a partner whom you have to constantly excuse because of blind love.

The unconditional love you should display is for yourself! Grant yourself acceptance and forgiveness. You deserve to be appreciated, cherished and protected. You deserve a partner that will not violate your boundaries or expose you to danger. Never justify your partner’s bad choices with love, the consequences could be life-altering.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss the dangers of leading on a man with whom you are not interested in having a relationship.

Show Notes

Is your partner behaving badly? Stating that you love them does not excuse them. Love comes from trust, respect, empathy, and acceptance. So, if you are being mistreated, the love isn’t being returned. You deserve to be treated right and not have your boundaries violated.

The second you start excusing your partner’s behavior is the moment you start enabling them. You should encourage your partner’s healthy behavior, and never their bad behavior. Without a mutual benefit to both people, saying you love them is just an excuse to stay in a relationship that’s not working.

If this sounds like you, you might be lying to yourself because you have low self-esteem or you don’t feel worthy. Because of this, you settle for being unhappy. Love is supposed to make you feel light, enriched, and happy—not miserable. Why would you want to stay in a negative situation that doesn’t serve you?

When you’re drowning in your relationship, you may use the word “love” to help you keep your head above water. However, this is a sign of toxicity and abuse. It emphasizes that certain behaviors, bad behaviors, are equated with love. If you catch yourself rationalizing what your partner does, take it as a warning sign.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When women refuse to understand that leading men on makes them a jerk to the next woman. Consciously and purposefully misleading someone is wrong, especially when you could have just been honest. Women do not owe men anything—never feel guilted into being kind and giving attention. You can be straightforward while still being kind.

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