In our pre-chat with every guest we have on our show we share a disclaimer with them...Trinity says she's a cusser, and Shelby claims she's a crier. (Though, Shelby often cusses as much as Trinity and Trinity is trying to stop!) The irony of these acknowledgements is that Shelby realized in this conversation with our guest, Tamar Gersh, that she may actually have a hard time CONSCIOUSLY feeling her emotions. The reality is that she can't control the tears sometimes. That is her normal reaction to so many thing...things that are sad, things that make her happy, things that make her upset. However, she's been shamed about these tears her whole life. People tease her that she's "too emotional". So, she's learned to quickly turn off the tears and push her emotions away. Whether she's watching a movie with her kids, in a heartfelt conversation with a friend, or in the middle of an interview with a podcast guest, the shame she experiences when expressing her emotions has taught her to suck it up and move on. Now, she doesn't often give herself permission to feel sad because she doesn't want to dwell in these, perceivably, negative emotions. But, what our guest pointed out today is that, when Shelby denies her feelings and moves through the emotions too quickly, she may be depriving herself of experiencing the truest joy!!
Trinity, on the other hand, NEVER lets herself feel ANY negative emotions. Perhaps, it is because she PRIDES herself in being the strong one. She's always HAD to be the strong one ever since she was a little girl and to fix all the problems around her. She doesn't have time for negative emotions or sadness. She's got shit to do and problems to solve and she can't do that if she's overwhelmed with emotions.
The bottom line is that we've both been programmed to deny our emotions and to quickly bury them and get on with life. However, when that happens, Tamar says instead, we need to slow down and get curious...ask ourselves why we're rushing past a feeling or emotion. What are we afraid of feeling? She reminds us that there is value if we become more aware of our emotions, dig deeper, allow our emotions to move through us and surrender to that. And, ladies, surrendering doesn't mean sitting in the emotion forever...which I think is maybe what we're both afraid of. I think we believe that staying in the headspace of negativity or sadness for too long will hold us back from accomplishing what we want to.
However, by rushing past the negative emotions and never actually allowing ourselves to feel them or know the depths of sadness or despair or frustration, we are preventing ourselves from, consequently, feeling ultimate joy. Because, just like that old song, "joy and pain, like sunshine and rain." You can NOT have one without experiencing the other.
Tamar touts herself as the queen of joyful living and says she's an unconventional Life and Business coach and a master of self-discipline. She leverages a variety of tools to lead her clients, who are typically the creatives and healers of the world, to plug back into their own genius so that they can stop showing up to their business like a weirdo and start showing up as their 150% authentic selves.
In this episode, Tamar Teaches us:
- In order to live a joyful life we have to be willing to experience ALL emotions, especially pain. We can never know or appreciate the greatest joy without experiencing pain.
- When you bring awareness to the thing you are trying to "conquer", whether it is breaking a habit that no longer serves you or navigating your emotions, one approach is to bring awareness into the space and to welcome it in (vs. trying to avoid), name it, feel it, notice the thoughts, feelings, sensations, and slow things down and experience it all. When doing so, you are then better able to manage through it.
- Stop...
