Let’s set the scene-

You’ve planned the perfect evening.

A Friday night—date night.

You and your wife are dressed to the nines. There’s a show, a fantastic dinner, and deep conversation that reconnects your hearts.

But then you arrive back home…

What are you hoping will happen next?

Here’s the truth: that unspoken hope—your expectation—might be doing more harm than you realize.

When a husband subconsciously expects intimacy, it can feel like pressure to his wife.

And that pressure? It makes her withdraw. Intimacy begins to feel transactional—like something she owes you, a “reward” for good effort, rather than a mutual outpouring of love.

In fact, the more you expect it, the less she’ll desire it.

So, how do you break free from this pattern and draw her closer instead?

Here are three key ideas:

1. Drop the expectations & be content in your life (find true contentment in life by letting God satisfy you in many ways)

2. Share your feelings more with your wife (She needs emotional connection in order to be open to physical intimacy)

3. Think strategically about your marriage (You’re intentional about your career, your goals—why not your marriage?)
   
   

In today’s episode, we unpack these three steps and explore how to release the pressure of expectations, discover fulfillment outside of intimacy (even when sex isn’t in the picture) [We highly recommend you checking out Ep. 417: Re-sensitize Your Pleasure for more on this topic], and create a marriage that’s full of joy, connection, and God-honoring pleasure.

We believe God when he said he meant for couples to be “one flesh”. And we believe that he created intimacy to be unifying, satisfying, and connecting heart, soul, and body.

We hope this episode brings a new perspective and new joy, intimacy, and connection into your marriage.

God bless you!

Belah & Team

PS - If this episode resonates with you, we highly recommend signing up for our FREE Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations Course at delightym.com/mrf.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent MRF graduate:

"We were emotionally, intimately, and spiritually disconnected. We lived in the same house but didn't live together. I was angry and bitter, critical of everything, and judgmental. I hated that about myself. [Now,] My wife and I are closer than we have ever been! She has a glow. It's crazy how much we love each other. Life is fun! I can't stand to be without her. Glory to God!”

We know that intimacy is an integral part of married life.

But what happens when that intimacy… isn’t happening?

You’ve tried to explain, you’ve tried to give your point of view, you’ve even tried to give pointers, and still… nothing.

What can you do?

At Delight Your Marriage, we have developed a framework for what men and women need in order to feel loved and thrive in their marriages and, in turn, move towards intimacy. When these things are missing from a marriage, it can often cause bitterness, resentment, and can lead to months, even years, of lack of intimacy, physical or otherwise.

Here is what we have determined the framework to be:

What Women Need:

1. To be safe

2. To be known

3. To be whole-heartedly cherished

What Men Need:

1. To be respected

2. To be admired

3. To have whole-heartedly sexual intimacy

When these key elements are missing- everything else crumbles. If you are reading (or listening) and wondering why your spouse has not initiated intimacy or why they shut down initiations - look back to this list. Are you giving this to your spouse?

We hope today’s episode will bless you as we shed some light on this topic, expand on the ‘why’ behind these needs, and give practical ways on how to implement this framework - not only for the goal of physical intimacy, but for the goal of having a thriving and beautiful marriage.

We are rooting for you!

God bless,

Belah & Team

PS - To check out the Marital Health Assessment mentioned in this episode, visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/mhac/

PPS - If you are wanting to grow in your marriage and learn exactly how to implement this framework (and get support while you do it!), we would love to talk to you. https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc

We are so glad to be able to share a re-release episode with you this week! My husband, Dario, joins us again and he, as always, has some words of encouragement for you. We hope this episode does indeed encourage you and bless you!

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Nov. 11, 2021

Don’t give up.

My goal today is to encourage you. You’re doing a really good job. Just by tuning in, you’re winning.

You’re seeking to love your spouse well, even when it doesn’t look like it matters.

You’re seeking to do God’s will in the midst of your circumstances.

My husband is on the show today because he’s the best encourager that I know. And I want you to hear from him how much he wants you to know, you’re on the right path, you’re doing the right thing, and I am proud of you.

Love,

Belah

PS – If you need help right away, get with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS – If you have yet to check out our free stuff — do so here! delightyourmarriage.com/free