Episodes

  • How to Be a Good Client

    How to Be a Good Client
    Feb 7 2022
    I spend a lot of time talking about building relationships with clients and how to approach things from the vendor perspective. But many of us who have clients also ARE clients, because we hire other contractors to do portions of our projects. So I’m wondering how many of us put as much effort into being a good client as we expect our clients to do for us. It’s that whole idea of treat others how you want to be treated. It’s simple in concept but for some reason it seems trickier in execution. For me, I like to think I’m consistent across the board. It’s important to me to treat all people well, regardless of whether they are paying me, I am paying them, or there’s no money involved. Kindness is my own form of currency, and one that matters a great deal to me. I wish that sentiment was shared more often, but it seems everyone has their own way. I also think it’s easier for those of us who have done freelance work ourselves to know what not to do. Most of my clients who started out as freelancers are the ones who pay the fastest and show the most appreciation for the people they hire. There are a lot of ways to be a good client, mostly by just being a good human, but I think there are a few behaviors that form a strong foundation. Those are related to compensation, communication, respect, appreciation, and the obvious one, paying people on time. Compensate fairly. Let’s get the money conversation out of the way first because it does matter. When you hire someone, you’re relying on their talent and expertise to do things you can’t, don’t want to, or don’t have time to do yourself. This comes at a cost, just as you’d expect if someone was hiring you. To be a good client, don’t insult your vendor by balking at reasonable rates or trying to beat them down for a low price. It’s one thing to negotiate, but it’s another to undervalue someone’s services. They say “you get what you pay for” for a reason. You can pick cheap or good, but not both. You won’t settle for less than what you’re worth, so don’t expect someone else to do that for you. Communicate expectations. We all know how frustrating it can be when you think you’re on the same page with a client but then it turns out they were hoping for something different. Spare yourself and your vendors that problem by communicating properly from the beginning. Make sure to discuss what you expect in terms of hours, deadlines, and deliverables. If you have a contract, give them time to review it. If they have a contract, read it and ask any questions you may have. Everyone understands that sometimes changes are needed, but don’t be that client that asks for “one little change” 18 times and then act surprised when they bill you for that time. You probably know how it feels to be on the other end of that conversation, so you don’t want to do that to someone else. Also, remember that communication goes both ways. You expect them to deliver on time, but you need to hold up your end of the deal as well. So if they ask you to clarify something, or they need something from you in order to move forward, don’t make them wait. Yes, you’re busy, but they’re trying to help you. If you need to send them a document, or weigh in on something, you’re only hurting yourself by not responding quickly. Every hour you delay on your end is an hour delayed on their end as well, and there’s only so much time before a deadline. You don’t want them rushing at the last minute, increasing the chance for mistakes. This is such an easy situation to avoid, but it happens all the time. Be a good client and communicate! Respect boundaries. Boundaries. You know how I feel about them. You probably feel similarly. It drives you crazy when a client texts you at night or during the weekend or any time outside of your normal working hours. Or when they want to have a bunch of meetings but aren’t productive during those meetings and end up wasting time you could have spent getting the actual work done. Work-life balance is important to you and you make it a priority, so you should understand that the people you hire do the same. If you had that proper communication from the beginning, you should understand each other’s work schedules and work within them. Emergencies happen, and when you have good relationships, people will be willing to help you through them. But that should never be the norm. And it shouldn’t be because of what I mentioned before – that you waited until the last minute to do your part and now you expect them to use their personal time to get things done. You chose to work with someone because of what they can do for you, so don’t be the client who pushes away good people because you’re difficult to work with. Express appreciation. How often do you feel like you put in a ton of effort to do great work for a client and they don’t seem to care at all? And how meaningful is it when one ...
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    9 mins
  • How Many Clients Should You Have?

    How Many Clients Should You Have?
    Jan 24 2022
    I was asked an interesting question the other day: How many clients should you have? I’ve never really thought about that before and I’m not sure there’s a concrete answer for that. But I thought it was worth exploring here. I don’t think it’s so much about a number as it as about balance, factoring in workload, income, and other needs. I suppose the easy answer is “enough.” You need enough clients to keep your business healthy, but not so many you can’t keep up. Let’s talk about what that really means, starting with some general ideas. Then I’ll share what my plan was when I started, how it’s changed over the years, and how I feel about it now. In general, I wouldn’t set a number of clients as an expectation. I say that because clients vary so much in what they bring to your business. You could have a large number of clients who bring you one job each, a few clients who bring you several projects each, or some combination of the two. Some of that might depend upon what type of work you do, how you market yourself, or how you prioritize your decisions. Your short-term and long-term goals are factors as well. You might be looking for one big account that will offer more stable income, or you might be looking for some smaller jobs to fill out your available time. There is no right or wrong way to do any of it. It all depends on your personal strategy. And that’s what I’d focus on instead of the number. I never formed a proper written strategy, but I had ideas in my head. I did prepare a business plan in the beginning, but I don’t think I looked at it once after it was completed. I’m pretty sure I found it a couple years ago and it made me laugh, but even now I don’t remember what was in it. I tried to dig it up to reference, but it’s probably on an old backup drive somewhere and I didn’t want to lose any more time searching and getting distracted with other things I haven’t seen in a long time. I’m sure you know how that goes. Squirrel! When I first started my business, I thought I was going to move away from production entirely to focus on consulting for other small businesses. The fun had fizzled out in the work I was doing, and I felt more drawn to helping others. I had spent so many years learning the best ways to run a business, and the best ways not to, and I saw a trend amongst my friends who owned creative businesses - many needed some guidance but not necessarily a full-time manager. I didn’t want to work full-time for anyone, so it made perfect sense to me. Of course, this was out-of-the-box thinking, because traditional companies assumed management was full-time and in the office back then. I actually had a marketing agency that had reached out to represent me at that time wanting to promote me as the “part-time CEO.” I thought it had a nice ring to it, but at the same time, I don’t like it when solopreneurs call themselves the CEO of their company. This is only an opinion, and I understand that many don’t agree with me, so I won’t get into it much further, but it feels like an ego thing to me. And I was so burned out on the corporate world, that I didn’t want to try to bring in that kind of structure in terms of a title, and I didn’t want to present my company as anything bigger than what it was. I just wanted to be me. The first test to my plan came while I still had my regular job. My first client was a referral from a makeup artist friend – it was a photography business with a small staff of other photographers, retouchers, and admins. The owner was also the primary photographer, so it was important that he spent his time out shooting and not doing the day-to-day work at the office. But they were lacking structure and he knew things could be running more efficiently. So I went in, reviewed the systems, talked to the staff individually, and got a sense of what was happening. I made suggestions, helped implement new procedures, and trained the staff. A big part of how I wanted to differentiate myself from a typical consultant was to help in a way that the existing staff could maintain when I was done. So no, that wouldn’t lead to consistent work for me, but the hope was that they would then refer me to someone else who needed similar help. Again, that was considered out of the box. But that photographer is still a client to this day. I took over the bookkeeping so I could keep an eye on the business and make suggestions as needed. My second client also came along while I was still at my job. One of my favorite production companies to work with was looking for some short-term help for a few months while they were busy. I had planned on reaching out to them anyway, so I jumped on the opportunity. Even though it was doing the production work I wanted to get away from, it was a good chance to build my new business further and let others in the industry know I was available outside of that company. Luckily, by doing that work I quickly...
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    12 mins
  • Setting Boundaries without Being Defensive

    Setting Boundaries without Being Defensive
    Jan 10 2022
    We all know I have a lot of favorite things about being self-employed. On that list is being able to set your own rules for how you run your business. You get to choose your hours, your location, how you communicate, which systems work for you, and everything else. It’s way better than having to fit the mold that someone else controls and might not align with what is right for you. But, that doesn’t mean that you get your way all the time. If that’s what you are expecting, and you get defensive when someone needs you to do something differently, you will end up creating challenges that don’t need to exist. Two important skills I talk about a lot are communication and setting boundaries. I call them both skills because there is a nuance to doing them correctly. Everyone can communicate, but it doesn’t mean they can do it well. Same with setting boundaries. When you’re dealing with people every day, whether they are clients or vendors, you have to be able to communicate effectively and set healthy boundaries to protect yourself and make sure those relationships are in a good place. One of the best ways to do that is to keep your negative emotions in check and don’t use them to fuel your interactions. It’s much better to go into discussions from a neutral place, listen to what the other person says, and explain your point of view in a more logical way. For the record, this applies to non-business relationships as well. I’ll use a common occurrence to explain what I mean by keeping it logical vs emotional. The client wants you to attend a meeting at their office. You know that it’s a waste of your time to drive all the way there when you can accomplish the same goal in an email or phone call. So how do you respond? Response 1: Not setting a boundary would mean you go anyway but the whole time you’re thinking about how you don’t want to be there and how much time it’s taking away from everything else you need to do. Chances are your client will pick up on that demeanor and interpret it as a behavioral issue. Response 2: Reacting emotionally would be sighing at the request or going into a diatribe about how you don’t like in-person meetings and how you have so much to do and it would be an inconvenience to you. Basically making it all about you instead of considering what’s good for them. And since they are paying you, they probably won’t appreciate that. Response 3: A logical, client-friendly response would be to explain that the time it would take to travel to and from a meeting at their office would take away from the work you need to do for them. Offer the solution of discussing their agenda at the same time, but on the phone or Zoom instead, assuring them that you’ll be able to accomplish the same goals without hindering progress on their project. With the logical response, you’re making it about the client and helping them see that you are looking out for them. They might not have considered the extra time it would take you because they’re already at the office. Or they might work better in a group setting and assume you’ll find the same value in a situation that will actually slow you down. Or they might just want to see you because they like you, so they think offering the invitation is a nice gesture. You might even ask them if it’s important for it to be in person, or why they feel it needs to be in person, and see what they say. I find that nearly every time, that’s just what they’re used to and they hadn’t put any other thought into it at all. I usually hear, “Oh, no reason. A call or Zoom is fine.” You never want to assume you know the intention behind a request, or react negatively based on an assumption. It’s always better to just ask. So, not setting a boundary would mean you’re doing something you don’t want to do, and maybe didn’t even have to do, and you’ll possibly end up resentful for it even though you didn’t try to help yourself. Responding emotionally can make it sound like you don’t care about your client and are just being stubborn. But communicating logically can help you understand where they are coming from, help them understand where you’re coming from, and can often land with a win for everyone. One mistake I keep seeing, usually with those who are newer to business, but also with some who have been doing it for a while, is this undertone of defensiveness when a client wants them to do something in a different way. It’s that emotional response that comes across almost like a tantrum. “I don’t want to do it this way.” “I can have rules, too.” “I’m allowed to do it like this!” I see this in business groups on social media all the time. Someone asks for advice and a lot of the comments end up being something like, “It doesn’t matter what your client needs. You can do whatever you want because it’s your business.” And then others jump in and are like, “Yeah, you do what you want and they...
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    9 mins
  • How do You Take Time Off When You ARE Your Business?

    How do You Take Time Off When You ARE Your Business?
    Jan 3 2022
    When you own your own business and you ARE your own business, taking time off can feel overwhelmingly impossible. But you owe it to yourself to prioritize your own well-being and taking breaks is a big part of that. This episode is about making that time through outsourcing, planning, committing to yourself the same as you would to a client, and more. What are some ways you give yourself time off? Do you generally go for the big blocks of time, more consistent smaller actions, or somewhere in between? I’d love to hear how you prioritize yourself and make time to take breaks in your business. Post your thoughts on social and tag me, or send me a message to keep this conversation going. You can find me @aardvarkgirl or email info@aardvarkgirl.com. Thank you for listening! -- At the beginning of a new year, it seems most people are focused on being productive. What can I accomplish this year? What changes can I implement to run my business more effectively? It starts with setting new goals and formulating plans for how to achieve them. I think it’s great to do that, not just in January, but throughout the year. I talked about resolutions in episode 34 at the start of 2021. But where I’m at now, and what’s top of mind for me, is the opposite of being more productive. It’s taking more breaks. But how do you do that when YOU are your business? Being a single-person business has many perks, but it also comes with some challenges. If you need time off for whatever reason, that means your business stops. We don’t really get paid time off or holidays, at least not in the traditional sense. To me, that’s not a big deal because I also don’t have to work 40 hours a week or do anything I don’t want to do, and I can take time whenever I want it without someone else approving. But, when you’re working at a regular job, there are usually other employees there who can handle your work while you’re out. When it’s just you, you don’t always have the luxury of handing it off to someone else. But it’s necessary to take time off. We can’t work every day without serious repercussions to our mental health. It’s why burnout is so prevalent amongst the self-employed. It’s too easy to get stuck in that that “time is money” mindset and if we’re not working every second, our businesses will fail. And while it is true that if you’re providing a service and don’t necessarily have that passive income, time you’re not working IS time you aren’t earning, that’s not the most important thing. That’s not to say that money isn’t important because we all know it is, but it has to come along with that balance of time, which is equally important. It doesn’t mean you need to take a 2-week vacation every few months, although if you can do that you absolutely should. Sometimes it just means taking the time where you can find it, even if it’s only an hour a day. It really comes down to time management, which usually isn’t a strength for creatives. But here are some ways you can take time off from your business to take care of yourself. The obvious solution isn’t always practical, and that’s to outsource. If you have someone else who can handle your tasks, it’s much easier to step away. But many of us are hesitant to do this for a number of reasons. The biggest one for me has always been that it would take me longer to train someone than to just do it myself. It’s true, but that’s also a limiting mindset because it means I’ll always be stuck doing it myself. The other reason for me is that I’ve yet to find anyone I can trust to do what I do at the level it needs to be done for my clients. That’s not meant in an arrogant or condescending way, but there are a lot of nuances to how I do my work and that’s why my clients depend on me. If I were to hand things off to someone else, I’d need to know they’d represent me correctly and that one is tricky. For many others, it feels like paying someone else would be cost-prohibitive and they’d rather just refer the job to someone else. But in my opinion, the smartest way to outsource is to keep it all under your business. Ideally, you can retain a markup on the labor you outsource. You want to make sure you’re paying fair wages, but it’s standard to mark up your expenses by at least 20% to cover your own admin costs. If you can do that without it being an issue for your client (meaning you don’t have to charge them more), even better. If you typically charge $150/hr for what you do, but can fairly pay someone else $100/hr, you can bill the client the same amount but you keep that extra $50/hr for yourself. It’s probably not going to sustain you long-term, but it keeps a little coming in for you and doesn’t come with the same risks as handing off your client to someone else. I see that happen more than I’d like to. For example, someone goes on maternity leave and instead of hiring someone to cover her for a few ...
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    14 mins
  • 2021 in Review

    2021 in Review
    Dec 24 2021
    Well, it finally happened. As you may have noticed, I’ve been gone for a few weeks. I officially ran out of time. I’ve always done my best to prioritize this podcast, but I got to the point where it was either make another episode or take some much-needed rest and I had to choose the latter. You’ve heard me talk about the importance of self-care and taking breaks and I stand by it. I rarely let myself get to the point where that’s even a question, but the last several months have been intense. I continue to be grateful for all of the work and opportunities, but it was a lot. Every time I told myself, “I’ll take a break after this job,” something else came up that I didn’t want to turn down and the cycle continued. But now here we are at the end of the year and it’s finally time. The last big job ended mid-December and I don’t have any major obligations until February. My plan is to take at least a month off to rest, catch up on personal things, and mentally prepare myself for what’s to come. I do fully intend to come back to weekly podcasts and to start interviewing again, but hopefully you understand why I need a little time off and don’t forget about me while I’m gone. But I wanted to at least say hello, wish you all happy holidays, and do a quick recap of 2021 to figure out how I got here in the first place. Usually, the end of December into the beginning of January is slow. By December, everyone has wrapped up projects for the year and gone into holiday mode. January budgets haven’t been allocated yet and it takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. I’ve always enjoyed that time, especially since I started working for myself, because it’s a restful way to end one year and start the next. This year, that didn’t really happen. All of January and the first week of February was spent wrapping up season 22 of Intervention, which was 34 consecutive weeks of intense work for me that started in June of 2020. Fortunately, I got a few weeks off in February but jumped straight into season 23 in the beginning of March, which was another 30 consecutive weeks that ended October 1st. So the two seasons were 64 of 68 weeks from mid-2020 through October 2021, where each week was at least 5 working days and often bled into the weekends because of when the shoots were scheduled. Working on a series full-time like that is plenty enough to warrant a long break. But that wasn’t all I was doing. In April, there was the Skechers spring marketing video and the Mercedes Tony Hawk commercial. We also started working on the new website and booking platform for The Voice Actors Studio, which took 6 months of planning and regular meetings and testing before launching in September, followed by all the troubleshooting and refining that’s still ongoing. In May, we started preproduction for Blue Origin’s First Human Flight in July, which took me into the field for the first time since March of 2020. Showing the world the first successful launch of humans into space was pretty special. August brought along the Traditional Medicinals shoot. September was the launch of the TVAS website AND when the craziest episode of Intervention was at its most chaotic AND that bled right into the 2nd Human Flight AND the Skechers fall marketing video. That was around the time I started really needing a break. I thought November might give me that rest, but we went straight into planning for the 3rd human flight, which happened in early December. On top of all of this, I have a handful of monthly retainer clients where I’m working various hours on things like consulting, managing, and bookkeeping. I produced 49 podcast episodes, taught 8 3-hour workshops, and found a way to squeeze in 6 new coaching clients. So yeah. That was 2021 for me. It’s been such a fantastic year for work and I do not take that for granted. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned about navigating the roller coaster of self-employment, it’s that you take advantage of slow time when you have it. So that’s what I’m doing now. I went for a 90-minute massage, and intend to get at least a few more. I’m catching up on projects around the house. I’m spending a lot of time not doing much at all, which makes my cats happy. The typical holiday lull has been back to normal, too, which has been nice. It makes me smile every time I check my email and nothing new has come through any of my many accounts. I still have some work to do, but I’m limiting that to a few hours a day, if even that. I’m just taking the time to breathe and enjoy the quiet. I hope you are doing well and enjoying some down time or something else that’s important to you. Thanks for hanging in there with me while I take this much needed break. In the meantime, if there are topics you’d like to hear about, guests you’d like me to interview, or if you have any other suggestions, please reach out. You can email info@aardvarkgirl.com or DM me ...
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    5 mins
  • Lessons from Elsha

    Lessons from Elsha
    Nov 29 2021
    If we’re connected on social, you may have seen that the world recently lost a special soul, Elsha Stockseth. I first met Elsha in 2017 when Dave and I took a one-day thousand-mile roundtrip drive to interview her for “Dream Out Loud.” She was well-known by the U2 community at that point, but neither of us had met her. She was unable to travel for that tour, but we knew it was important to include her in the film. We didn’t know how much it would change our lives. We often overuse words like “special” and “amazing” and “miracle,” but Elsha was all of these things. Despite dealing with the daily challenges of living with severe muscular dystrophy, she was happy, positive, and peaceful. At that point, she couldn’t move any part of her body besides her eyes, but those eyes were full of light. It’s impossible to explain her beauty and grace with words, but those who were lucky enough to be in her presence know exactly what I mean. She instantly made you feel at ease around her with a kindness and the best laugh I’ve ever heard. Her parents, Joel and Shanna, are equally kind and wonderful human beings. They showed us around the house and her “Blue Room,” which was full of U2 goodies and race medals. Oh yeah, she was huge in the local running community even though she wasn’t able to actually run herself. People would be her legs, pushing her through 5Ks, 10Ks, half marathons, marathons, and even a few triathlons. Racing allowed her to feel a freedom she hadn’t known before and it became one of her favorite activities. Elsha did a lot of things. Besides running and attending U2 concerts when she could, she was an artist. She drew and painted using Photoshop and a head mouse. She created and sold her “eArt” Christmas cards around the world and used the proceeds to help orphans and disadvantaged children in Africa and South America. Because, of course, she had a giant heart and giving spirit. She sponsored a young boy in Kenya and paid for his schooling. She donated toys to orphanages. She felt that she didn’t really need the money and was passionate about helping others. That’s just who she was. What does any of this have to do with being self-employed? The way Elsha lived is full of lessons for anyone who wants a better life and to be a better person. These lessons can easily be applied to who you are, how you run your business, and the quality of your interactions with others. She had a way of putting things in perspective, inspiring others, and getting things done. She was an inspiration to so many people, and this episode is my way of sharing her brilliance with you. Lesson #1: Challenges Don’t Define You. Even though she had some obvious challenges, Elsha never let them define her. She didn’t feel sorry for herself or like she had any limitations at all. She lived a life full of love and joy and embraced her differences rather than letting them hold her back. When she was met with a new obstacle, she figured out how to get through it. And she didn’t want anyone else feeling sorry for her either. Perhaps that’s why she was so good at making other people feel comfortable around her. She made it clear that while she may be smaller than most, she was no less extraordinary. Running a business isn’t always easy, and we all face challenges at times. Being successful doesn’t mean being perfect. It’s about how we react in those imperfect situations. Do we let them defeat us or empower us? Do we give up or do we learn from them? Do we let fear stop us or motivate us to keep going? I don’t know if it’s tenacity or stubbornness or just an unwillingness to accept anything less, but Elsha and I had that attitude in common. Every problem has a solution, but sometimes we have to be creative to find it. Fewer things are more rewarding than overcoming what seemed like an impossible challenge at the time, so embrace the opportunities when they’re presented. Lesson #2: I can do anything you can do. I just need some help doing it. I mentioned that Elsha’s parents are also lovely people. The love they felt for their daughter was unyielding and always apparent. They carried her everywhere, fed her using syringes, and did whatever they could to contribute to all those goals she set for herself. I don’t know that the word “can’t” was even in her vocabulary when it came to her abilities. She told her mom, “I can do anything you can do. I just need some help doing it.” It might be a simple statement, but it’s a profound sentiment. Think about that. I can do anything. I just need some help. A lot of us have a hard time asking for help, myself included, and I’m not really sure why. For me, I’ve always had this inherent need to be independent and capable of doing everything on my own. It’s not about anyone else, it’s just the way I’m wired. As I get older, I feel like I’ve already proven to myself what I needed to, and it’s much easier to ...
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    11 mins
  • Kindness is Not Weakness

    Kindness is Not Weakness
    Nov 22 2021
    I’ve never understood why people think kindness is weakness. It’s something I’ve heard over the years and it just doesn’t make any sense in my brain. It takes a lot of strength to be kind, especially when you’re frustrated, under a tight deadline, or don’t agree with the way someone is handling a situation. Not to mention being nice usually gets you further ahead in your life and career. I suppose that’s where some people object. There’s this idea that you have to be cutthroat and walk all over others to progress. And in some cases, I’m sure that happens. I’ve seen it in the corporate world, where the bullies have the most power and from the outside it might seem like they’re living the good life, but those people aren’t always respected or liked. And not that we should care if other people like us, but it’s hard to have any kind of meaningful connections if you’re not a nice person. And meaningful connections are important in business. Kindness has never held me back in my career. If anything, it propelled it forward, especially after I got away from that awful corporate world. I think it’s why so many people are driven towards self-employment these days. We want to work with people we like, people who are nice. People who are easy to work with. One of the biggest perks about working for yourself is that you don’t have to work with anyone you don’t want to. I weeded out those negative personality types very quickly after starting my company. I like all of my clients, and every one of them is kind. That’s not to say that any human can be nice every second of the day, or that everyone should be walking around singing while cartoon characters circle around them. I’m envisioning that scene from (500) Days of Summer where Joseph Gordon-Levitt is dancing to “You Make My Dreams” by Hall & Oates. While it’s great when you feel that way, that isn’t how life works all the time. You can’t always choose what happens to you, but you can choose how to react. Many people react emotionally. They raise their voices and yell and throw tantrums. They talk down to people when they’re upset and sometimes say harsh things that hurt feelings. Is that strength? No. Anyone can do that. Strength comes from being kind in those moments. It’s easy to get triggered and fly off the handle. Staying calm and being nice in those moments is a superpower. You will have a much better time in life, and in business, if you can do that. The strength comes from truly listening, giving others the opportunity to speak their mind and be heard, and then responding in a respectful manner. You can be firm. You can stay true to your convictions and push back, but you can do it with grace and have much better results. I remember being on a job once where a few people on the crew were unhappy about the meal options provided by the client. Now from my point of view, the fact that multiple options were available was nice. That doesn’t always happen on set. As a vegetarian, I can’t even count how many times I haven’t been able to eat what’s provided at all. I’ve never once gotten mad about it or yelled at someone when it happened. But in this case, these guys formed a mini mob to make demands and threaten to walk off of the job if they didn’t get some better food. I wish I was kidding. But they were willing to blow up the whole thing because they didn’t approve of the meals or craft services, which, by the way, weren’t even our responsibility. Our client provided all of that so it was out of our control. But, in response, I stayed calm. I spoke up. I was direct. I asked them firmly to stop raising their voices and talking over me. I pointed out that I gave them the opportunity to speak and would appreciate the same respect in return. I let them know I understood their concerns and that their feelings were valid, and I’d see if there was anything we could do to improve the situation for the following day. I worked with my team to find a solution and moved on. I was kind even to those who weren’t kind to me. Is that weakness? Definitely not. Weak would be giving into emotion and yelling back. Plus, I’m the one who has been brought back for these projects every time. The guys who threw the fit? That was the last one for them. Seems like another win for kindness to me. In the last episode, I talked about the idea that if you don’t ask, you don’t get. But when you’re asking for something, being nice about it increases your odds significantly. I don’t know anyone who thinks, “Oh yeah, that one guy is a real jerk. I can’t wait to work with him again” unless it’s thought in complete sarcasm. But if you have a good experience, you want to work with those people again, right? Do you recall a time when you worked with a mean person and thought it was a great time? I’m guessing it doesn’t happen often. The people you have the best time with are usually nice. So kindness as...
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    7 mins
  • If You Don‘t Ask, You Don‘t Get

    If You Don‘t Ask, You Don‘t Get
    Nov 15 2021
    In 2017 when Dave Barry and I were making the “Dream Out Loud” documentary, we met a wonderful human named Aaron Govern. We initially talked to him because he was a big U2 fan, but when we finally met him in Vancouver, we knew he was so much more than that. I still think back fondly of walking through the city, stopping for tea at a café, and having one of those great conversations that are all too rare these days. He was English, so of course he was very particular about his tea, and I hoped he wouldn’t judge me for choosing a green variety. He didn’t. He was one of those people who just seemed to get it. And by it, I mean life in general. Over the course of that year, he became somewhat of a trusted advisor at times. And one idea he made clear, and one Dave and I still reference often, is a simple thought: If you don’t ask, you don’t get. It’s an obvious sentiment, but one that seems to be overlooked. If you want something, ask for it. Otherwise, how are people supposed to know? This comes into play so often in business. Someone has been working hard and wants a raise but doesn’t ask for it. Another is hoping to get promoted to a position that has recently become available but doesn’t tell anyone she’s interested. A new company wants a big client but doesn’t reach out because they don’t think they can get it yet. A podcaster wants big name guests but assumes his show is too small to get a yes so he never tries. Whether they don’t want to ruffle feathers, are afraid of rejection, or worry that if they ask for something and it isn’t well received, they’ll lose what they already have and end up worse off than before, there are many reasons why people talk themselves out of going after what they want. But if you don’t ask, you don’t get. I remember in 2004, my boss at the time got annoyed because I couldn’t read his mind. He actually said that. “The girl before you could read my mind. I need you to do that.” Umm. Okay. I can do a lot of things, but unfortunately that’s not one of them. He probably shouldn’t have let her go if that’s what was going on. But he did what so many people do. Instead of communicating and being direct, he expected things to happen on their own. Like he could think it and it would somehow come to fruition. Rarely does that mindset pay off. It’s usually fear-driven, or that sneaky imposter syndrome creeping in telling them they can’t get or don’t deserve what they want. So how do you build up the courage to ask for it? Keeping in line with my usual advice, let’s take the emotion out of it and think about the situation logically. First, what happens if you don’t ask? You probably won’t get it. So by not asking, you’re actually taking the bigger risk because that means you might not move forward, might not get that thing or experience that’s going to make your life better, or who knows what else. Then, realistically, what’s the worst that can happen if you ask? They say no. Okay, so you can accept that and move on, or in some cases figure out a better approach to ask again. Maybe your feelings will get hurt, or you’ll be disappointed, but isn’t that better than being constantly frustrated? Maybe that no will show you that it’s not the right job, client, or project for you after all, because the right one would align with your goals. In any case, if it’s a definitive no, that gives you information you need to move on, change direction, or set a new goal. In my opinion, working towards something new is always way better than wondering what if. Through that lens, hopefully it’s a little less scary already. If you ask and don’t get, then you have more information to help you decide what to do next. Even if it’s not what you initially wanted, maybe your new direction will be better. Trust in timing. Everything works out when it’s supposed to. It might not always feel like it will at the time, but one closed door might be leading you towards a better open one. Yes, I am still and will always be an eternal optimist. How do you get the confidence to ask? Nerves are normal. Doubts are normal. Hesitation is normal. But you have to push yourself through that. Preparedness is the biggest solution. Before you ask, you’ve done your research. You know what you want and why. You know why it’s the right thing for you, and hopefully why it’s good for the person you’re asking, too. You’ll go into the conversation armed with what you need. If it’s a job interview, you know your accomplishments and why you’re a good candidate. Tell them why you connect with the company and what you can offer them so it’s not one-sided. If you’re asking for a promotion, let them know what you’ve accomplished in your current role, how you could improve the company in the new role, and why you’re the best fit. If you’re going after that big-name brand as a new client, be ready to explain your vision for them and what ...
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    7 mins