So, back in my car in the parking lot, unsure of what to do, trying all the things that aren't working this time. Is this hormones or grief or the holidays or winter disorder or exhaustion or something worse? Is this depression? I can't really do any of this. I can't stop crying, can't clean, can't get warm, can't get good dreams, can't even get the house in order to get the Christmas tree. Is it ok not to do anything? Will I ever be ok with the holidays without my mom? Will I ever stop crying? Will I ever be ok with my dad's girlfriend? I have a deep dread. I am bloated and need my doctor to call me back to tell me if this is a normal reaction to the birth control pill. The last time I took the pill I was in college and I completely lost my mind. I think I have to stop, again. And just let nature and grief take it's course....I need community, but I need it without having to organize it. I need to call my mom, but I can't, so I did this. Maybe its ok to be sad? What happens if I stop doing? Meditation, nature, water, rest. It's supposed to help. This time it's like I just can't stop this river of emotion and it's making life impossible. I hope this is temporary. Everything is, which leads me to think about death and doom. I want to be able to do this work and hold space for people but I take it all on and it gets stuck inside. I still don't know what I really want to do with my life.

Britt, Seylah and Nya hang out on the living room floor doing crafts and trying to remember all the things - like Nya breaking her ankle at soccer, Seylah going to try out 3rd grade for two days but choosing to stay in 2nd with her friends. And the cat is sick. Britt does therapy at 7;30am on zoom but had to hide from the girls who sleep next to her. Which she loves. And more. It’s been a time of going in and nurturing for us over here. All this loss is an opportunity for connection so today is an unplanned day. Our favorite kind.

At Children's Hospital (Uptown Denver) the "nurse" Maja sawed the cast off Seylah's arm, and sawed Seylah's arm in the process. We're in discussions with the grievance department about how to rectify the situation and ensure Maja never touches another child again. When you can't protect your kids, that's one thing. But when health care providers don't care for your child, hurt your child, and don't believe your child, let alone apologize...now that's a different story.

Britt promises Sey that she will make sure Maja "gets in trouble."

Britt's name in college was "Trouble" so here we go.