As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s/teen’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and growing your child’s/teen’s skills to respectfully communicate provides a terrific opportunity.

Conflict happens in families between spouses, among siblings, and between parents and children/teens. Arguing in family life is typical. “Back talk” can be defined as “argumentative replies.”^1 Children/teens can respond in anger, hurt, frustration, hurtful tones, or with hurtful words. But back talk also represents a power imbalance children/teens are trying to rectify. Power, after all, is a basic human need. Children/teens ages 11-14 are growing their listening, empathy, assertive communication, and problem-solving skills. Growing your child’s/teen’s skills to respond in assertive but non-aggressive ways is essential to their success.

Anyone may face challenges with back talk. “You can’t tell me what to do!” your child/teen may exclaim in anger and frustration when you say “No” to an unsupervised party. Your child’s/teen’s responses can make you angry and upset. As your child/teen develops, they must test their limits and rules to internalize them. This can lead to arguments between you and your child/teen. They will also have evolving emotional needs and sometimes lack the communication skills necessary to ask for what they need. Using the steps below can help navigate this challenge with skill. These steps include specific, practical strategies and effective conversation starters to prepare you.

Whether your eleven-year-old is screaming, “I hate you!” or your fourteen-year-old is crying, “It’s all your fault!” when they fight with a friend, establishing healthy ways of responding to life’s most challenging moments is a vital skill your child/teen needs to thrive.

Today, in the short term, teaching skills to respond to disagreements in healthy ways can create

● greater opportunities for connection, cooperation, and enjoyment

● trust in each other, and

● a sense of well-being and motivation

Tomorrow, in the long term, teaching your child/teen effective ways to communicate their feelings and needs

● develops a sense of safety, security, and self-belief

● grows skills in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, responsible decision-making, and

● deepens family trust and intimacy

This five-step process helps you and your child/teen communicate during your toughest, most emotional moments in ways that do not harm. It also grows essential critical life skills. The same process can also address other parenting issues (learn more about the process[1] ).

Tip: These steps are done best when you and your child/teen are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication[2] and healthy parenting relationships[3] will support these steps.

You can get your child/teen thinking about healthy ways to communicate by asking them open-ended questions. You’ll help prompt your child’s/teen’s thinking. You’ll also better understand their thoughts, feelings, and challenges related to how they feel when confronting them so that you can address them. In gaining input, your...