Featuring real stories from real people about sex, sexuality and relationships, Melody Thomas leads a frank and often-entertaining exploration over 7-parts, into topics too often shrouded in shame and secrecy.

BANG! explores sex, sexuality and relationships over a lifetime, from parents attempting "the talk" with their children, through the fraught teen years, modern dating, long-term relationships, contraception and conception, right up to intimacy in retirement homes.

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Melody Thomas leads a frank and often-entertaining exploration into sex, sexuality and relationships - starting at the very beginning with 'The Birds and The Bees'. Featuring everyday kiwis reflecting on their experiences of 'the talk', young parents now on their struggles when it comes to discussing sex and sexuality with their kids, and Sex Therapy NZ's Mary Hodson with some practical advice.

With the release of new podcast series Bang! Melody Thomas reflects on making the series.

When you spend six months talking about nothing except sex, a few things happen.

The first is that the topic becomes absolutely normal. Or at least your recovery time after that initial embarrassment is significantly lessened.

In the past few weeks I've hit the streets to ask strangers how 'The Talk' went down in their households, ventured into a high school to quiz students on sex education, called an old primary school friend to explore an incident from our childhood we never addressed... and last week my mother and I talked at length about her intimate experiences.

Not only did I live to tell the tale but I actually feel better for it. Despite the fact that the whole reason for making this series was to normalise these kinds of conversations, I live in a constant state of surprise at just how fast the process is.

And that normalisation is contagious. As the weeks go by I have noticed friends and family start to open up and share their experiences. Even strangers move quickly from shocked to open book - sometimes they almost seem relieved at being given permission to share this stuff without judgement.

Is there anything besides sex that is so widely practised and so resolutely ignored? Where does the shame come from? In episode one of BANG! I speak with Sex Therapy NZ's Mary Hodson about ways to talk with young children about sex - but I started the interview by asking her about this.

"I think it probably stems back to.... 2000 years of religious domination of human sexuality, particularly female sexuality... Women died in child birth, poverty was extensive... and if a girl got pregnant and had a baby she may not even survive. There were good reasons for controlling sexuality," she says.

The contraceptive pill became available to New Zealand women from 1961 - though unmarried women would have trouble accessing it for the next decade and until 1989, it was illegal to discuss birth control with people under 16. Slowly but surely, we began to acknowledge that sex was about more than making babies, but decades on we still struggle to talk about what else it is for. …

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In episode two, we explore how teens deal with sex ed, relationships and the influence of pornography. Plus famous Kiwis travel back in time to deliver sex advice to their teen selves.

In episode two of RNZ's podcast about sex, we explore how teens deal with sex ed, relationships and the influence of pornography. Plus famous Kiwis travel back in time to deliver sex advice to their teen selves.

The calls for better and more comprehensive sex education in schools is growing louder, and in recent months much of it has been coming from school students themselves.

In March, hundreds of demonstrators, mostly students, protested at Parliament, concerned that schools aren't doing enough to combat rape culture among some groups of teens. The action came after revelations of comments made online by Wellington College students, encouraging sexual assault.

In response to the protests, Education Minister Hekia Parata maintained the matter is "first and foremost a parental, family and whānau responsibility".

Tomorrow, Wellington High School students Lauren Jack and Ruby Medlicott will deliver a petition to Parliament asking for better sex ed in schools, calling for the government to commit to making "consent and healthy relationships a compulsory part of the curriculum".

BANG! creator Melody Thomas asks New Zealanders with strong views on the subject why this issue is important to them, starting with the petition's creators.

"If we want to fight sexual assault in New Zealand, we need to have consistent and comprehensive sex education for young people in New Zealand. One in three girls experience some form of sexual assault before the age of 16, and the same goes for one in seven boys. We need to educate and be educated on not only reproductive systems, but consent and why it is needed, and what makes up a healthy relationship. This education also needs to come with LGBTQ inclusion, we are sick of the exclusion of non-heteronormative relationships in the discussion around sex ed.

"Through providing consistent and comprehensive sex education in schools, New Zealand's young people will grow up knowing how to be in a healthy relationship, putting an end to rape culture and leading to a generation of respectful, self aware and educated New Zealanders. We think this is too huge of an issue to ignore, and don't want to live in a world in which we are scared to be in."

"We are only just beginning to see the significant impact that the widespread access to pornography and the influence of technology is having on this generation of young people and on the opinions and attitudes that young people are developing about sex and relationships…

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In episode 3 a group of 20-somethings tell us what dating and hooking up looks like for them, plus Eleanor Butterworth on 'ethical sex', Hera Lindsay Bird reads a new poem, and Laura Borrowdale reviews a website dedicated to female pleasure.

In episode 3 of BANG! a group of 20-somethings share what dating and hooking up looks like for them, plus Eleanor Butterworth tells us about 'ethical sex', Hera Lindsay Bird reads a new poem, and Laura Borrowdale reviews a website dedicated to female pleasure.

It is the natural way of things for older generations to decry the actions and values of those that follow. So headlines like this one and this one, labelling hookup culture as 'rampant' and 'epidemic' among millennials, should come as no big surprise.

But while they might have better access to birth control and face less social stigma for having casual sex, this 2016 study found that in their millenials in their early 20s are more likely to abstain from sex than Gen X'ers. Previous research also identified this group as having fewer sexual partners overall than both GenX'ers and Baby Boomers.

The misperception that millennials are hooking up more than ever might in part be driven by dating apps and social media - where those who are interested in casual sex are increasingly upfront about their desires. But even if it is sometimes jarring for older generations to read, one of the likely effects of this transparency is a wider normalisation of conversations around sex.

Eleanor Butterworth has worked with Wellington Rape Crisis and Women's Refuge and is the project manager for NZ Rugby's Respect and Responsibility programme. She says open dialogue around sex is an important part of moving towards a healthy sexual culture.

"The more normal it is 'Do you wanna hook up? What does that mean to you? What do you like?' ... the better the sex that we'll have will be," she says.

For those who remain anxious that normalising conversations around sex equates to encouraging promiscuity, Butterworth has this to say:

"Sexual empowerment is about knowing what's right for you. For some people sex exists in this really special, sacred place that is part of a marriage or long term relationship, and for other people what's right for them is casual... but all of those things should be imbued with respect... Even if they're not the love of our life we're still going to treat those people as precious as opposed to disposable."

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In episode 4, we hear from couples about the ways sex and intimacy has changed over their years together, and Sex Therapy NZ's Helen Mounsey shares tips for couples wishing to stay connected.

In Episode 4 of sex and relationships podcast BANG! Melody Thomas speaks with couples about the ways intimacy has changed over their years together. To celebrate its release, Sex Therapy NZ's Helen Mounsey shares tips for staying connected long-term.

Maintain your couple time and social lives

"Prioritising couple time is hugely important... Even if it means saving your pennies to pay a babysitter for two hours. Just ensuring that you have a break where you have conversations that a) are not about children, b) are not about money but c) about us. Our dreams, who you are, how you are... and an opportunity to listen or be listened to.

It's important to have a social life. Couples who don't go out miss out on an opportunity to see their partner viewed by others... We see another aspect of our partner when they flirt or talk with another person... and we listen to how other people attend to them and respect them. It gives us another view on how we are together."

Balancing needs

"Most couples will reach a stage where their sex drives are different. It's easy to have similar libidos when you are new and fascinating to each other - but somewhere between 6 and 18 months, each other's annoying habits and differences can be a turn off... acceptance, flexibility and candid communication will be necessary.

Problems can also arise from infidelities, differing parenting styles, work pressures, power imbalance, family demands and financial pressures. Left unresolved, they are likely to breed resentment - the most common reason for withdrawing from intimacy and sex. Sexual problems related to sexual performance can emerge... worry about lasting the distance (men) or finding arousal and orgasm elusive (both men and women) can be related to one of the above issues. And engaging in "mercy sex" in order to please a sulking partner will inevitably add to mounting disappointment and isolation. So seek help as soon as you can so these patterns don't become entrenched."

Share the work

"People go into relationships with unrealistic expectations around what happens when you have children. The fact of the matter is there are enormous changes and there are losses. In heterosexual relationships, the mother is totally invested in the care of the baby and... for men who find it difficult to step into place of being the father, there may be feelings that they are losing their partner to the baby…

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In episode 5, we hear from parents about how kids affected their relationships, clinical psychologist and sex therapist Nic Beets highlights some of the most common issues experienced by new parents and a couple share an unorthodox conception story.

In episode 5 of BANG! Melody Thomas explores the effects having a baby can have on sex and relationships. For its release, Gareth Hughes, Emily Writes, Laura Borrowdale, Nicola Willis and Gem Wilder share the one thing they wish they'd known about all this before becoming parents.

Gareth Hughes - Green MP

"The one thing I wish someone had told me was parenthood isn't a zero sum game so don't beat yourself up. I travel a lot for work and one of my parenting challenges has been a feeling of guilt I wasn't being as good a father or husband as I wanted to be. On the other hand, when I spent more time with my partner and kids I battled feelings I was failing at my job. It's easy to feel like work and family are in conflict but I know now it's not a zero sum game - you need to find a balance between being a present parent and real person at work."

Emily Writes - Author 'Rants in the Dark'

"I was really worried about how my sex life would change after having kids - I'd hear horror stories of mothers who didn't want to have sex anymore. I'd seen couples break up and say they never had sex anymore. I was worried that would happen to us. My husband and I have always had really great sex - we know each other's bodies really well. After well over a decade together you just do. I was worried that we would lose what we had. And there was nobody saying it would be any different.

I was surprised that actually after kids sex has become even more important to us. It isn't just an outlet for pleasure anymore - it helps us when we are really tired to feel less overwhelmed, it gives us energy, and it brings us closer together. Banging is also a great way to end a pointless fight... of saying, "We are just tired and that's why we are arguing over whether it's going to rain or not today."…

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In episode 6, Melody faces up to another awkward phone call, we learn about how intimacy is affected by life-threatening illness, visit an "adult entertainment store" and sex therapist Edit Horvath identifies some of the common issues faced by those in their 50s.

In BANG! episode 6 sex therapist Edit Horvath identifies some of the common challenges faced by those in their 50s, and we learn about how intimacy is affected by life-threatening illness. Plus Melody braves a "sex shop" to find out what's on offer for couples hoping to 'spice up' their sex lives.

She writes about that experience below.

Sex shops are a lot different now than the last time I visited one. For a start, they're not called "sex shops" anymore - staff preferring the term 'adult lifestyle store' because, as my Peaches & Cream tour guide Dan points out - "we don't sell sex".

If that's the case what they do sell is certainly sex-adjacent - everything from vibrators and dildos, to 'fleshlights', lube, porn DVDs and whatever you might need for a bit of entry-level BDSM. But there are no heavy curtains or dark corners - in fact the store is bright, neatly arranged and clean - a quick glance and you might think you were looking at a chemist.

"You're buying a product that you're basically putting in yourself, so it's gotta be clean and nice," says Dan.

Over half an hour Dan shows me around his shop, at my request focusing in on the types of things requested by or recommended to those in their 50s and early 60s hoping to 'spice things up'. He begins by showing me what a sex toy looked like 'back in the day', compared with today. The older ones are more closely modelled on male anatomy, aside from the bunny head growing out of the side, whereas these days female sex toys are much more streamlined, almost futuristic-looking, and are made from non-porous silicone so they don't harbour bacteria. Many are rechargeable "so they have a lot more power", some can even be controlled via smartphone - adding a tactile component to traditional phone or webcam sex, and one brand even has a clitoral stimulator that sucks- literally. Dan turns it on and urges me to put my finger up to it - sure enough, it latches on.

"They're a lot quieter than the older ones as well," says Dan, knowingly…

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In BANG! episode 7, Melody speaks to couples in their 60s and 70s about the different ways they choose to stay connected, Lesley Maskery discusses policy and practice regarding sexuality in rest homes, and we look to the future with Jenny Kleeman, on the ethics of sex robots.

In episode 7, Melody speaks to couples in their 60s and 70s about the different ways they choose to stay connected, Lesley Maskery discusses policy and practice regarding sexuality in rest homes, and we look to the future with Jenny Kleeman, on the ethics of sex robots.

To celebrate the release of the final episode of BANG!, Melody reflects on the many things she's learned during its making.

"These areas of our bodies were given to us for pleasure. Make the most of it."

I'm sitting at a wooden dining table with a sweet couple in their 70s. On my feet are the slippers they offered to me as I stepped in from the rain; in my hand a cup of their very good tea.

This couple been married for nearly 40 years and an outsider who stumbled upon the scene might assume we're talking about grandchildren, or gardening.

But we're talking about sex.

The gentleman tells me about his naturally high sex drive - a state that sees him "ready to go" in a moment given the right circumstances. His wife nods in agreement. Sensing a sexual energy between them that I'm not sure how to deal with, I joke nervously: "Would you like me to leave?"

"Oh no," she says, "We've already done it."

He looks at her fondly and adds, "We knew you were coming!"

This interview is in the final episode of BANG!, but it was actually recorded fairly early on - and the mental image of this seemingly-innocent old couple getting it on wasn't one I was prepared for.

The entire reason for making the podcast was to normalise conversations about sex and sexuality, but the project came from a place of curiosity rather than expertise. Early on, there was a whole lot of faking calm in the face of shocking or embarrassing situations but surprisingly soon I got to the point where nothing really phased me.

It was a baptism of fire. In episode 1, I spoke to a childhood friend I hadn't seen in years about the time we showed each other our private parts in my treehouse…

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