Also available is the book Can You See Me Naked: Grow in a conscious relationship www.canyouseemenaked.com

1. A myth some women believe
2. If having a baby can save a relationship
3. What really happens when you have a child
4. Why people really have babies

Babies not the way to fix any relationship

In this modern age there are women who still believe that babies will secure their partnerships and bind them to their lover forever.

Our society is divided between women who earn their own money and those depend on their partners to provide for them. Women who are insecure in their relationships might reach out with a good intention, but are doing it the wrong way.

• This week’s questions comes form Anne in Fourways (not her real name of course). Anne asks:

Why do we have children? Do we need children or is it just a selfish act connecting us to the wish of being loved by someone forever?

Dear Anne, nobody needs children. I am wondering if you are childless and/or considering having another child. When women put careers and goals first, time eventually catches up and reminds them that the clock is ticking. When time runs out we need a reason to have children and, I dare say, this is where you find yourself.

Children are human beings who have their own needs. It certainly seems selfish to me to want a child for one’s own needs, or to secure a relationship.

The underlying assumption is that it is even possible for a baby to secure a relationship.

In my opinion this is a myth. There are less risky ways to work on a relationship to secure it.

If you and your partner have ever argued about money, the chances are that you will argue more when raising children. Not only do children cost money, but partnering a child puts more strain on any relationship.

All you have to do is speak to one of the many single mother who are raising children alone to realise this. A baby does not secure a relationship, and to hope that it will make a man love you forever is taking a shot in the dark.

In fact, hoping the responsibility of raising a child will emotionally bind a man is a plea to begin a c0-dependent relationship.

If the relationship does not work out these women tend to not take responsibility for their own decision to have a child, but blame the man for not being responsible.

A child is not a possession to be used in love and war. It is time for women to be responsible with natures fertility’s gift. Nothing is more attractive than a self-confidence independent woman. Work on your relationship instead, and then, if you feel it is secure enough and you still want a child to enjoy, have one for that reason.

This was originally published in The Saturday Star in South Africa and broadcasted on Mix93.8fm.