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When I Had a Little Sister

The Story of a Farming Family Who Never Spoke

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About this listen

When I had a Little Sister by Catherine Simpson is a searingly honest and heartbreaking account of growing up in a farming family, and of Catherine’s search for understanding into what led her younger sister to kill herself at 46. It’s a story of sisters and sacrifice, grief and reclamation, and of the need to speak the unspeakable.

When did she decide to die? Was it before midnight on Friday the 6th, because she couldn’t face another night or was it before dawn on Saturday the 7th because she couldn’t face another day?

Did she think about us? Did she think about her dog, Ted, or her cat, Puss, sleeping on Grandma Mary’s old sofa in the conservatory and who would be waiting for her to feed them in the morning? What about her horses in the stable? Did she think about them? Did she imagine Dad finding her? It would have to be Dad, after all. It couldn’t be anyone else.

Did she know what she was doing?

On a cold December day in 2013 Catherine Simpson received the phone call she had feared for years. Her little sister Tricia had been found dead in the farmhouse where she, Catherine and their sister Elizabeth were born – and where their family had lived for generations.

Tricia was 46 and had been stalked by depression all her life. Yet mental illness was a taboo subject within the family and although love was never lacking, there was a silence at its heart.

After Tricia died, Catherine found she had kept a lifetime of diaries. The words in them took her back to a past they had shared, but experienced so differently, and offered a thread to help explore the labyrinth of her sister’s suicide.

Grief & Loss Mental Health Mood Disorders Personal Development Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Women Health

Critic reviews

'A superb memoir….. Tricia's heart-rending biography is interwoven with welcome portraits of Simpson's bonkers ancestors, many of which are laugh-out-loud funny' Leaf Arbuthnott, Sunday Times

‘Simpson’s writing – fillets the little details that reveal the profundity and bravery of her sister’s weakening struggle with mental illness … I found this book gripping and heart-wrenching. It sticks with me’ Mail on Sunday

‘Catherine Simpson’s tormented, riveting and bleakly funny memoir analyses her sister’s life to try to find out why she killed herself; in the process it becomes a moving evocation of the muck-spattered realities of modern farm life … In a way, the real memorial for Tricia is the compassionate and beadily observed account of the Lancashire landscape … That she resolves to write and “leave behind a lifetime of silence” can only be our gain, and dour rural taciturnity’s loss’ Richard Benson, Observer

‘Something else is on these pages: frustration and anger – with Tricia, with herself and with other relatives – that if only the family tradition of silence and the suppression of feelings had been challenged earlier things might have been different. In analysing the inherited values and habits of a lifetime, Simpson breaks the silence and liberates herself’ James Robertson, author of And the Land Lay Still

‘Catherine Simpson’s second book, carries a subtitle – “The Story of a Farming Family who Never Spoke.” Don’t be fooled. This book’s secret weapon is the remarkable voice that fires from the page to the heart with no hesitation at all. Just Wonderful. ’ Janice Galloway, author of The Trick is to Keep Breathing

‘There are moments here of heart-stopping poignancy and unbearable sadness, but it is never maudlin or sentimental. A deeply engaging, courageous and human work’ Graeme Macrae Burnet, His Bloody Project

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Beautifully written, made me laugh and cry. Felt totally immersed in her life for a few hours, written with such honesty and emotion.

Felt totally immersed in her story

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strangely close to my upbringing, yet so different. beautifully described and read by the author

a poignant and cathartic journey

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This is an excellent book which works very well as an Audio. It is honest unpretentious and unassuming.

exceeds expectations, highly recommended

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This book has changed my life, it has made me think about family and life, and at the end of the day we all end up the same, and all live similar experiences. Thank you for this book.

Life changing

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My own little sister recommended this to me and I have been charmed and sorrowful in equal measure.Coming soon after a bereavement it was balm to my sore heart and made me do very glad my own little sister, who has climbed a mountain to manage her own depression and anxiety, made it to the top.RIP Trisha and our beloved Mr Roy who so closely resembled Dad.

Rivetting,funny,kind and lovely.

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