A Good Read That Takes a Little While o Get Going

Things That Go Bump in the Night was originally released back in 1984 under the title Spawn of Hell, and though I was an avid reader of horror during that time I had not read anything at all by its author, William Schoell. After reading Things That Go Bump in the Night I thought it was a shame I hadn't encountered the book when I was younger. I would have enjoyed it a great deal as a boy, and I would no doubt worked my way through the rest of the author's work.

As an adult, I have reservations about the book that I wouldn't have had back then. Growing older inevitably means changing values, and as a teen, I was interested in entertainment alone, and Spawn of Hell (as it would have been known then) would have entertained me a great deal. I think I would still have felt there was something a little wrong here and there, and there would be one thing that would probably have bothered me more then than it does now, but the increasingly extravagant action would have won me over and left me feeling it was a satisfying read.

The episodic story begins with a struggling artist as he is drawn into a tale of creatures living under the town in which his girlfriend's brother was found dead, but then evolves into a tale about the origin of the creatures and how they connect to the artist's past. With each twist the story introduces new characters and locations, gradually growing the story until it transforms from a small tale of a single small town into something that could potentially involve the whole world. Anyone who has played, read or watched anything to do with the Resident Evil franchise will find a lot in Things That Go Bump in the Night very familiar, as the (later) Resident Evil franchise follows many of the same patterns. In both, we have creatures who have a connection to humanity, and in both, we have a devious corporation making money from it. We even have a similar evolution from "small-town horror" to something that is world-threatening. But more importantly, we have a tale that scratches many of the same itches of the later franchise.

This is not to put this book in the same category when it comes to quality. Not to speak poorly of Things That Go Bump in the Night, but it does not have nearly the same polish as anything in the Resident Evil franchise, and some may find the comparisons too meagre to consider valid, but as I was reading I found them quite compelling in places. The book also reminded me of a movie released the same year, Mutant (starring Wings Hauser), which was also a favourite of mine from the time, so these connections probably made me like Things That Go Bump in the Night a little more in retrospect than I otherwise would have.

There is a lot to like about the book, but there are also some significant things I didn't like about it. Thankfully what I enjoyed outshone the things I didn't, and they didn't mar the experience too deeply because of it.

Our protagonists, a struggling artist in the shape of David Hammond, and his girlfriend, the successful model Anna Braddon, are unfortunately quite unlikable people. I found Anna particularly so, she is shallow and narcissistic, and I found that when her ex-husband spoke of her I agreed with every word he said in his description of her. I felt that the book would be improved infinitely by the character's removal. I found that everything I disliked about the story was connected with her in some way. She is a perpetual victim who denies her agency when it suits her, and I found the excessive amount of sex scenes with her (it seemed we had almost one in each chapter, though thankfully they are short) to be increasingly repulsive because of my growing dislike of her.

I have to admit a general dislike for sex scenes in entertainment. Unless it is directly related to the plot (Terminator is a good example of this) then I don't see the purpose of such scenes. I can't help but think that each word used in them is a word that could be used in the description of something more useful. Which is silly, I know, it isn't as if they have a limited word count to work to, but at the very least the scenes waste my time. There are far better ways to show a growing intimacy between characters, and I guess the prude in me thinks that sex scenes reduce rather than increase my belief that characters are connected in a soulful way, and if you like sex as entertainment there are also better options for you. I found the preoccupation with sex to be distasteful in Things That Go Bump in the Night, the only things I wanted bumping these nights were the creatures against locked and barricaded doors, not narcissists knocking boots.

Many may not see any issues with this, and if you don't that's fine, it's a personal preference, but for me, it was a little overwhelming at times. and it did lead to my main issue with the book as a whole.

Unfortunately, the story is rather convoluted and takes a little too long to get itself off the ground. Much of this, I thought, was due to the set-up of the 'romance' and delving into the character's pasts a little more than was necessary. It doesn't matter to the story that David is an artist or that Anna is a model, Anna's ex-husband injects nothing of worth either, and it seemed to me that a person could start reading from chapter six without missing a great deal of useful information, and the whole book is only fifteen chapters long.

Now I know this all sounds so damning, but I don't mean it to be. These are, for the most part, minor issues that you flip by quite quickly, but they are also cumulative and slow down the narrative far more than they should. The reader in me doesn't care too much, as when the story gets to the meat of it it's pretty enjoyable, but the writer in me can't help but be irritated by the inclusion of things that hurt the overall story and I hope they don't irritate you as much as they did me. Because you should give Things That Go Bump in the Night a go, I have little doubt you'll notice some of the things I have mentioned, but I also think it extremely likely you'll think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

Ultimately we have a tale that takes a little long to get going but once it does it doesn't stop. It increases the turmoil the characters find themselves in until the whole world around them seems to be shrouded in a mass of squirming creatures, and there seems little chance of escape from a certain painful death.

And as a horror reader, what more would you want?

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