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I'm Not Really Here
- A Life of Two Halves
- Narrated by: Paul Lake
- Length: 10 hrs and 29 mins
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Summary
Paul Lake was Manchester born, a City fan from birth. His footballing talent was spotted at a young age and, in 1983, he signed coveted schoolboy forms for City. Only a short time later he was handed the team captaincy. An international career soon beckoned and, after turning out for the England under-21 and B teams, he received a call-up to the England training camp for Italia '90. Despite missing out on a place in the final squad, he suitably impressed the management, with Bobby Robson earmarking him as an England captain in the making. As a rising star Paul became a target for top clubs like Manchester United, Arsenal, Spurs and Liverpool, but he always stayed loyal to his beloved club, deeming Maine Road the spiritual home at which his destiny lay.
But then, In September 1990, disaster struck. Paul ruptured his cruciate ligament and sustained the worst possible injury that a footballer can suffer. And so began his nightmare. Neglected, ignored and misunderstood by his club after a succession of failed operations, Paul's career began to fall apart. Watching from the side-lines as similarly injured players regained their fitness; he spiralled into a prolonged bout of severe depression. With an enforced retirement from the game he adored, the death of his father, and the collapse of his marriage, Paul was left a broken man.
Set against a turning point in English football, I'm Not Really Here is the powerful story of love and loss and the cruel, irreparable damage of injury; of determination, spirit and resilience, and of unfulfilled potential and broken dreams.
Critic reviews
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- Mark F.
- 16-03-21
Brilliant
As a general rule, I don't really enjoy footballers autobiographies finding them shallow and superficial. This, however, was an exceptional listen. A truly interesting listen telling the emotional path of an intelligent gifted young star, hit by injury, enhanced by the narration from the author himself. Not just for City or football fans.
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- kmcca5
- 29-01-13
A Wonderful and truly Inspirational book.
I read a glowing review of this book in the magazine When Saturday Comes a while back and have been on the lookout for it since then.
This inspirational tale takes you through the life of a die hear football fan who wants nothing more but to play for his beloved Man City. He starts to live the dream by not only playing for them and being handed the captaincy at a very young age. He is involved with England under 21’s and is touted as a future England captain but sadly serious reoccurring injury and some extremely badly managed operations prematurely end his career. The story follows through the good times and the bad and I was gripped from start to finish.
The Authors passion and honesty throughout is obvious and I would recommend this to any football fan or anyone that has suffered from depression. The author narrates the book and as you would expect, being a footballer not an actor, he stumbles with words every now and again but I actually found this added authenticity to the story as you could hear all the the emotion in his voice as he relives the highs and lows of his life.
I would firmly put this In the top 5 football books and would whole heartedly recommend it. 5/5
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1 person found this helpful
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- Monksie
- 23-01-22
A roller coaster of a life story
Alright, I'm biased because I'm a lifelong Manchester City fan who was there on the night Paul sustained his original injury and enjoyed his testimonial seven years later (I even had an awkward Sunday afternoon in May of 2008, the two of us exclusivelyilently sharing a waiting room at Stepping Hill Hospital as I recognised him but couldn't think of a word to say - mesmerised by the huge scars over his knee below the denim shorts he was wearing).
Good, now that's out of the way I can say that this has been a really touching listen, with Paul going into incredible detail on the aftermath of his knee injuries that ruined his career, including the surgeries, lack of support from the upper echelons at the club above manager level and the severe depression he lapsed into in his efforts to get full fitness back, never mind resuming his career.
I always thought he sounded great on the radio and his soft tones throughout reading the book suited the content, even the darker parts of the story. He rose, fell and rose again and I recommend this book strongly, even if you have no interest in football at all. Well done, Lakey - again.
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- Ravi
- 03-08-17
amazing
story of MANCHESTER and MAN CITY pre premier league the era I supoorted them, my youth so i can relate to some things
family struggles and success, life
riches and life goes on...
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- joseph murphy
- 01-10-18
excellent
loved it great insight into the struggles of a prodigious talent great life story sad but uplifting as well.
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- Gargamel
- 07-04-13
Recommended
This is a rather good story about a side of football you don't hear much about normally. I strongly recommend it for those interested in using football as a way of viewing life. It's rather nice that the book is read by Paul Lake himself, although I wish he'd avoided trying to imitate other people. They just all sound the same. It's also a great listen for anybody interested in Manchester in the 80s/90s, with the music scene and the life surrounding that.
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- "ajbrindle"
- 06-10-16
Once a Blue...
Insightful and absorbing account by a true City hero. Some great memories but also a moving account of the years of frustration recovering from injuries. As fans we don't realise what players had to go through. This book is right up there with Tyler Hamilton's as one of the best sports biographies I have listened to. Very well read too.
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- colin maggs
- 28-05-18
Not just for Manchester city fans
This touching and heart wrenching account of a life full of ups and downs. It's honest depiction of his career from youth starlet, first team captain verging on full international honours with the future looking very bright as he was developing into a future great to it all done crashing down with a bad injury, some terrible treatment and decisions made by people claiming to have his best interests and eventually retiring after 6 years struggling and fighting to save his career and his dreams all before he was thirty. Then the battles after which were all the more difficult. This is a must read/listen for those who think football is the key to the world. Paul lake frankly and passionately tells his tale of heartache intelligently with little malice nor bitterness (i don't think I could be so tactfull ) an inspirational story that can't help but move you. All the best lakey hope life's treating you better now
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- AsaMcK
- 18-03-16
A must read for any Man City fan!
5* - A must read for any Manchester City fannew or old. Will not disappoint.
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- michael Billington
- 11-07-20
A must listen...even for non Man City fans
I remember vaguely reading about the story of a Manchester City player retiring early when i was young. That was my knowledge of Paul Lake and not being a man city supporter it would likely not have changed had I not seen good reviews and decided to give it a listen. I cant speak highly enough about this audiobook and the how much respect I gained for Paul Lake and his courage to tell his story. This is a story that anyone who has ever loved football or even just wants to learn about how mental illness can affect people should listen too. Narrated by Paul Lake himself who does a brilliant job of it which is not always something authors can do. Overall this is a moving and at times heart breaking account of dashed dreams and finding a way back thru the darkness.
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