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  • I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

  • Essays
  • By: Tom Segura
  • Narrated by: Tom Segura
  • Length: 6 hrs and 4 mins
  • 4.8 out of 5 stars (759 ratings)

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I'd Like to Play Alone, Please cover art

I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

By: Tom Segura
Narrated by: Tom Segura
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Summary

From a massively successful stand-up comedian and co-host of chart-topping podcasts “2 Bears 1 Cave” and “Your Mom’s House,” hilarious real-life stories of parenting, celebrity encounters, youthful mistakes, misanthropy, and so much more.

Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra.

In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet.

I’D LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have listeners laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's message: in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2022 Tom Segura (P)2022 Grand Central Publishing

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Definitely not stingey.

if this book was a camera, I'd totally touch it through the fence. absolutely love everything Tim does and this book really didn't dissapoint. Great listen. also it was nice not having Bart interrupt all the way through.

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Tommy Buns nails it!

Great book.
Tom is a great comedian.
A great storyteller.
Very poignant, yet hilarious stories.
Highly recommend.

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Good listen.

Just a few stories from Tom's past really. A bit like 2 bears 1 cave but without Fatsticks.

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Laughed the whole way through

Great story, just like the podcast I spent the whole time laughing and listening to a really interesting story!

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Finished all over your

Really suprised by how much I liked Toms writing. I know hes a great comedian and I watch the podcast all the time. Still, this was something else. Fucking awesome.

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Maybe the best reading on an audiobook I've heard.

I'm a voracious and long-term devourer of hard-copy and audio books, particularly autobiographies.

I wasn't sure how this one would be, because enjoying Segura's comedy and podcasts is by no means a guarantee that I'd enjoy hearing how his experiences at Middle School were. I've been disappointed many times in that regard.

Well there was no need to worry here. It was excellent. And I am not exaggerating when I say that I don't think I can recall a better performed reading of an audiobook. I only download books if the author reads them and, even though many are by professional actors, they can still disappoint.

Segura imbues this reading of his extraordinary progression from scholastic under-achiever to global comedic superstar with humour, pathos and a deep sense of his own character.

I loved it. Thanks Jeans.

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You said the R-Word….

Great insight into Tommy boys journey - YMH fans will love this. A laugh out loud listen - be ready to explain to people in your general proximity what’s so funny…

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Just brilliant

A great listen. Thank you Tom. Hilarious and completely normal at the same time. I will listen again and again 😃

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  • 22-05-23

I laughed!

Cool and funny as f*** guy, good stories. My husband got me into his standup.

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Big Fan of Tom. This didn’t disappoint

A laid back book worth listening to. Plenty of laughs and little life lessons worth remembering

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