Finally, 1 for Mums, without putting Dads down

Thankyou! Eve has found the home balance we need, whilst keeping everyone respected and loved

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Great book to rebalance the mental load

I particularly found the sections on common traps in thinking and how to rethink about problems really helpful. The book ( and process) isn’t about blaming men for this gender imbalance but helps to understand negative cultural thoughts as well as internal relationship dynamics.

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Profound

So sensible and wise. I'm very grateful for this book. It is so practical and thorough.

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A must have entering a relationship

great book, full of wisdom I wish I had 20+ years ago. Still not to late, will re listen to it again and this time take notes, may even go out and buy hard copy. great book.

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A Timed Message For Today's Couple.

I believe every married couple needs to buy this audio book, or the printed form of it at least. I know that this audio book primarily focuses on the bulk of family tasks falling on the woman. However there are couples out there where the man seems to be doing all the household duties as well as working. So whether you're a woman or a man please purchase this book if you are struggling with balancing your life between work and home.

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1 person found this helpful

Excellent well-researched system for domestic life

Some of the statistics showing the imbalance at home were shocking, but not altogether unsurprising, sadly. This book has made me realise feminism begins at home, with your very own partner. I'll not be cohabiting with a man unless he agrees to play the game, and as this book shows, he'll actually thank me for it.

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Decent tool for sharing tasks but conflicting

The main gripe I have with this method is how rigid the CPE part is unless the author decides that you can make exceptions. If you have a system that works for you and your partner currently, there's no way of incorporating the Fair Play method because it's so rigid.

My second gripe is that quite some cards can be entirely automated because there are tools to do this. Nobody needs to hold the card "calendar keeper" if you have a shared Google calendar. Also we have scheduled automatic bill payment, so none of us hold that card. This book can use a healthy dose of 21st century tech that's at everyone's disposal.

The author is/used to be(?) a program manager and that shows in this book. While the book is an excellent tool for visualizing the amount of work that needs to be done by both partners, it's far too rigid to be efficient. And also, it's rare in any kind of organization for a single person to be responsible for all 3 CPE components.

Example rigidity CPE: author says involve your partner in the C and P part of the CPE because they can have meaningful input or hold other, relevant cards that may be required. However, she strongly discourages involving your partner in the E (execution) part. The main reason she gives is that, because of miscommunication the E can go wrong and that will lead to conflict. Instead you're supposed to own the E part yourself or get someone else who is not your partner to do it. But wait, if you get someone else to do it for you, don't you bump into that same potential miscommunication problem?

In real life it's difficult for one person to do the entire CPE for tasks and often require help. For example, if I hold the renovation card, it's pretty easy for me to do the C and P but what if I cannot operate the circular saw while my partner can? It's strange to ask my neighbor for help or hire someone to do this.

Conclusion: my partner and I use it as a conceptual tool to divide tasks on a high level and to visualize the amount of work each of us do. However we've made our own tweaks so that the method works for us. A big part of that is involving the right person in the Execution phase of a task.

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Make me don't want children

I am in a committed long term relationship and looking to move in together so thought this would be a good read. It is, but the sheer amount of work that this book is aimed at solving is mostly because of having children. No children, then no problems to solve basically.

It's eye opening to hear how much mums struggle on daily basis. Good reminder of why I should think hard before deciding on having children.

Still entertaining to listen.

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disappointing and full of mixed messages

I really wanted to like this book and I really am behind the principles but the hectoring tone of the author rather started to get me down and constant mixed messages were really troubling. Apparently, we are all aiming for equality but equality, in this case, means as long as men take on 21% of the cards. Really?

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2 people found this helpful

Unless you’re a straight white woman with children it’s not for you

Don’t know what I was thinking when I bought this book as a childless woman of colour in a queer relationship. Reeks of privilege and ‘girlboss feminism’. Couldn’t get past chapter 2.

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4 people found this helpful