I’m not a mother but found fascinating

The physical and mental reality of having a baby is explained, whilst clearing experiencing all the love and adoration in the world for her daughter

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Honest and intelligent writing on the transformation from self to mother.

This is incredible writing. No guilt trips or apologies or sentimental ‘it’s hard but worth it’ drivel. Instead, a powerful exploration of the difficulties endured during that first year as she becomes, learns to be mother. I did not find this depressing. I found her account of early motherhood wry, truthful, confident and the perfect antidote to the ‘enjoy every minute, it goes so fast’ mob!

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Brilliant writing but watch out for tough content

This is a brilliantly written, raw and honest account of pregnancy and motherhood. However, I think it’s important to warn that some of the content might be difficult to listen to if you are in early parenthood or experiencing depression/anxiety. Listen when feeling robust.
Something grated on me, which was the discussion of co-sleeping in ‘primitive’ societies. I think a lot of the Asian countries where it’s very common would be pretty offended by that description! Also, discussion of Ferber method without full context. But I appreciate the author’s aim isn’t to provide any kind of manual. The issue is that the author’s style is quite authoritative and so any missings seem problematic.

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8 people found this helpful

Not sure why this is so controversial

I’m not sure why this book is seen as controversial. It’s incredibly vulnerable by the author to write about an experience that is very singular to her and I’m sure will resonate with many first time mothers.

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Marmite

I listened to this book as it came up in a podcast and then in one of the 2 for 1 deals.

I like that, for when it was published in 2001, the book depicts a different side to motherhood and although I think she does make some valid points, the narrative is so negative, it borders on farcical.

Still, I’m glad I listened, the narrator is very good, the book is quite short and it’s nice to have my own opinion about these somewhat controversial/marmite books.

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1 person found this helpful

truth

I loved this book, because it told the ugly truth about motherhood. not everyone got amazing partners or family around to help. it brought me back to those early years with my daughters and it was amazing to relive that and be grateful that I got through that. I love my children and I would die for them, but it was bloody hard and still is.

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1 person found this helpful

Honest and funny and recommended

I listened to this during night feeds with my newborn and it was the right choice of book. There’s a lot of negativity about this book but as a fellow mum of two I consider it a must read to make you feel that someone gets it and has put into words things which you might be feeling about the challenges of early motherhood and adjusting to life as a mum.

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It is a scandal

that this book isn't first among descriptions of motherhood. The upheaval it has caused is unwarranted: it describes my motherhood down to a tee. There is nothing shocking in the author's reactions to the economy-driven business of pregancy, institutionalised delivery and nursing, and the racket around childcare up to and including schooling. Cusk may not even know it, but she has dared to describe the possibility of an innovative modern maternity as something that transcends instinct and moves mankind into a new intimacy which woman as mother as made by the newborn soul pioneers. This makes for the kind of motherhood, that eventually might make a difference to mankind.

Cusk separates true love, empathy and devotion to another being from the more primal bonding she found tricky from the start of her pregnancy caused by a dissociation from the (physical, mental, soul) power of womanhood afflicted upon too many of her generation. Of course, she is clueless on how to handle childbirth and child rearing, too intelligent to trust the manuals and alas also too intellectual to feel her innate potential for motherhood.

She doesn't come within a mile let alone an inch of abuse or even neclect. All Cusk reallly means to highlight is that currently we aren't doing a brilliant job with our traditional beliefs and expectations on how to integrate a newcomer, a little person of their own making. Her generation came to experience the brick wall that is one's own (birth) trauma and she is honest enough to accept that we don't know who we are until others make us into something that suddenly fails us anyway.

Cusk never gets metaphysical, or even existential much, but I was prompted to think all along: what if babies are souls come to help us? Aren't babies on a physical level largely neural networks reflecting their physical reality? (And on the whole quite a lot more robust than our neurotic health care system has us believe in the West.) Cusk does, at some stage, find herself indivisible from her daughter on every level; she recognises herself as a baby-mother unit and it is maybe a bit frustrating that she doesn't come to the conclusion (sooner) that babies are highly sensitive to super-sensible connections that run far deeper than biology can explain. They seem to be huge antennae for our unnarrated truer self. A mother will have to learn to tell her story to her baby in ways that soothe them both.

If babies remind you of Munch's Scream especially when wailing uninterrupted for 3.5 hrs (maybe a teeny bit too long, Ms Cusk?) it is maybe because there is only one way to go, just as with all birthing: through it.

Cusk's account is quite safe to read as an expectant mother because it is something you can keep in the back of your head when times get rough and your other baby whisperers don't cut it anymore: this too will pass, as Cusk's grown daughters will testify to. I would recommend though, you supplement this literature with a huge dollop of self-empowering joy and above all the intent to relax into motherhood, when the first year, is more that three quarters, a matter of standing by and sitting it out. Just see what happens next, day by day, trusting in the relationship of mother and child above all as the main incoming on a need-to-know basis.

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11 people found this helpful

Magnificent

This brings back a lot of chilling memories of a child's early days, beautifully written.

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Just not very enjoyable.

I read that when Rachel Cusk's "A Life's Work" came out in 2001, it caused uproar and offended lots of people, especially other mothers. I wasn't offended or shocked by Cusk's book - I just didn't find it a very enjoyable reading experience. It's all darkness and despair. Yes, motherhood is hard (especially the first several months in my experience), but with all its hardships and challenges comes so much joy and magic and the kind of love you didn't know even existed. You learn and discover so much every day about both yourself and your baby.
None of what Cusk wrote resonated with me and my experience of motherhood. I also wouldn't want women wondering whether or not they want children to decide based on reading this book. Just as lots of books on motherhood focus only on the beautiful aspects of having children, "A Life's Work" magnifies only the bad stuff and all the potential worst-case scenarios. I waded through Cusk's words and couldn't wait for the book to be over.
A book on motherhood I found much more helpful and enjoyable and that resonated with me immensely is "Matrescence" by Lucy Jones. That is essential reading not only for all mothers but for everyone to fully understand both the privilege and sacrifice of motherhood.

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